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Original poster

Is he rebounding?

49 replies

MissPeterRabbit · 20/08/2017 23:37

I broke up with my boyfriend only 9 weeks ago and I just found out that 2 weeks after we split, he started seeing someone new. This girl he is now with has known socially since march this year and I found out they had been spending more time together (he later told me he had developed feelings for her towards the point of our break up - we hadn't been working for a long time).

Then, after only a month of being together (6 weeks post break up) he declared his excitement online about flying to her home country to meet her parents. (The post was not intended for me to see but I came across it nonetheless). Now it seems they're almost living in the flat we lived in for the whole year we were together, sleeping in the bed we choose together. I am devastated - I feel I have been replaced with someone who is the total Opposite of me. Although Our relationship fell apart because of compatibility we were very close until that point. We had no contact after we broke up. I am very hurt by this. Is he rebounding? Or is this normal for a guy?

OP posts:
AfunaMbatata · 20/08/2017 23:38

Does it matter? You broke up so just move on.

Original poster
MissPeterRabbit · 20/08/2017 23:48

Yes it matters.

OP posts:
AfunaMbatata · 20/08/2017 23:50

Why? You broke up. It won't change anything.

Original poster
MissPeterRabbit · 20/08/2017 23:50

Part of my moving on process is to make sense, understand and get support from others. Moving on doesn't just happen out of no where, it's s journey

OP posts:
AfunaMbatata · 20/08/2017 23:52

That's just said by people who like to dwell.

He ain't giving you any head space.

RebelRogue · 20/08/2017 23:54

You broke up with him,you were not compatible, what is there to move on from?
Not looking at your ex's profile,pictures and relationship updates is one of the main steps in your journey,not agonising how and what he feels about his new gf.

MyheartbelongstoG · 21/08/2017 00:24

Harsh responses!

How were you feeling before you found out about new gf?

tropicalwaterdiver · 21/08/2017 07:22

Sorry OP, it looks like he was planning to be with her before the break up. Did he provoke you to break up with him?

TheNaze73 · 21/08/2017 07:36

I don't see what this has got to do with you. Single man meets woman. That's the story here.

SparklingRaspberry · 21/08/2017 07:56

Wow you've got some harsh replies

Don't any of you remember how it feels to get your heart broken?

I'm pretty sure you all didn't crack on with life with a smile on your face and just 'get on with' the day after breaking up! I'm also certain all of you would've been gutted had your ex 'moved on' so quickly.

OP it's horrible. You need to stop checking his social media though. If you aren't ready to delete or block him then at least hide him so that you don't see any of his updates on your timeline. When DP and I broke up for a bit this is what I did, I also hid his friends as I didn't want to see anything that would hurt me. I did this even though DP barely uses fb!

It really doesn't matter why he's with this woman. It could be a rebound she could be his soulmate but trying to work out which one it is in your head is only gunna hurt you more. Instead, think of ways to help yourself and move on.

Good luck Smile

BoobleMcB · 21/08/2017 08:04

I don't see how it could be a rebound. He's known her a while, had some feelings for her anyway, and is meeting her parents.

As for being in the flat you shared, the bed you bought and all that, it's was going to happen eventually. If you'd have stayed in the flat not him, you'd have had sex in that bed eventually too

revolution909 · 21/08/2017 08:05

I kind of did this to my ex and I know it actually hurt him, so I can see how it hurts you too. The bottom line is that you were not compatible and that's why you broke up. Whenever I get the feeling of “why did this happen“ I always remind myself that we definitely wouldn't have worked in the long-term and it was for the best :)

Grooves · 21/08/2017 19:08

Whether she's the opposit of you doesn't matter! I'm the opposit to all my partners ex's, it's not an issue. Were you wanting him to date someone like you?

You're gunna have to move on. When I broke up with my ex, he moved his gf into the house we shared, it was pointless me getting sad about it, I couldn't change anything, people move on. It's life.

I'm sorry but how you should see it is like this - she may be better for him than you, she could make him happier, they could have more in common. Are you that self absorbed that you'd not want him to be happy? (I'm not saying you are)

You're gunna meet someone and they could be better for you than your ex.

ConcreteUnderpants · 21/08/2017 19:34

Probably not rebound, but even if it is, who cares?
Certainly shouldn't be you.
Try and stop dwelling/Facebook stalking/whatever. Yes it's hard, especially if you feel replaced, but you need to move on with your own life. And eventually find someone you are compatible with.

garmsfresh · 21/08/2017 19:51

No good comes from Facebook stalking move on he has.

SandyY2K · 21/08/2017 19:54

Him going to her home country doesn't seem like a rebound to me.

I wouldn't introduce a guy to my folks unless it was serious. She may be different though.

It's not a case of being irreplaceable either. We all have to deal with relationships ending and the healthy way to view it is that it wasn't meant to be and there's someone else out there for you.

thestamp · 21/08/2017 19:56

It's really important, in terms of moving on, to redirect your thoughts away from the ex and what they are up to, and back to yourself. I understand that it can seem like you "should" be ruminating over him, but that's your brain tricking you. It's so much better to gently refocus your thoughts when you think of him. Truly.

You two aren't in contact, and you shouldn't be looking at his social media statuses. You should not know what is going on with him. This is for your own good.

Dwelling on what you ex is doing/feeling/etc. is not how you heal and move on. It's how you drive yourself mad!

splatattack · 21/08/2017 20:01

Wow, these responses are far far too harsh!!

Of course this has an effect on you...I can tell you to stop looking at his social media but I also know from previous experience that I never did.

The only thing that is going to help you is time and finding your own happiness...

Good luck and ignore all these posts that are negative or making out like you are crazy/not allowed to feel like this. Take your time, it will get better...

Original poster
MissPeterRabbit · 22/08/2017 07:22

Logically I know I need to stop looking at his social media (I have dummy profile that I use to snoop on people, and unfortunately for me his update was public to even those he's not friends with). This is entirely my own fault. I know that 100%!

I am desperately trying to believe it is a rebound because this pain is absolutely gut wrenching and unbearable. I want nothing more than to move on. I have been trying very hard for 9 weeks and doing all those suggested things, but finding this out has reset me back to even more pain and sadness than I had when we split. I feel worthless, disposable, replaceable. That I am nothing but an object to be replaced when done with.

At the back of my mind I took comfort in feeling that maybe he was sad and missed me, even though we aren't together. So finding out that this is not the case, he's moved on INSTANTLY makes me feel like my pain and sadness has no place and I should be moving on. But I cant seem to! (I have a therapist too btw)

Sorry if I am "woe is me" but I have hit rock bottom :(

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 22/08/2017 08:17

Did you end it with him on a whim or was it a balanced decision?

It sounds like you've made the wrong decision by your post. Most people's reaction to being dumped would be bollocks to you & move on. He's obviously happy. Maybe he was hoping you'd end it as he was too spineless to do it?

Grooves · 22/08/2017 08:27

With regards to it being a rebound, it's hard to say as we don't really know your ex or how he's felt.

I see rebounding as a way of healing the hurt, but we don't know if he was hurt. It could have ended and he could have been happy it was over (hyperthetical)

9 weeks is a short time, though.

Delete the snooping profile, nothing good comes from snooping. You're only gunna get hurt and it won't help with your moving on.

Just take each day as it comes. You may never get the answers you want, and maybe in time, you can make peace with that.

LellyMcKelly · 22/08/2017 08:34

You were only together a year, that's not that long really. You hadn't been working for a long time, and he started developing feelings for her in March. I don't think that's rebound. I think he's moved on.

SandyY2K · 22/08/2017 08:41

I feel worthless, disposable, replaceable. That I am nothing

You need to think rationally. Relationships end and people move on, otherwise we'd all be stuck.
Him having a new GF isn't about you being replaceable at all.

I suggest you look into counselling to help you through this.

Break ups can be tough and people handle them differently. You need a distraction to focus on something else.

ConcreteUnderpants · 22/08/2017 09:15

Lelly that's a good point.
You were together for a year, and for 4 months of that he was developing feelings for someone else. He sounds like a spineless knob who was waiting to make sure the other woman was definitely in it, before moving on.
You really need to stop this stalking. Easier said than done, we know. And build on your own self-esteem and self-worth.
Catch up with friends, read a book, do things for you.
I'm not entirely sure why you feel so strongly about this - you said it hadn't been working for a while and you know you weren't compatible. Is it a case of 'I don't want him, but I don't want anyone else to want him, either'?
Breaking up with someone hurts, but believe us when we say no good comes from wallowing.

Applebloom · 22/08/2017 10:00

Step away from social media
What your ex does after I'm assuming from OP a mutual break up is his own business

Now is the time to think about you build own esteem and self worth.

Rationally speaking was there a certain acceptable timeframe you had in your head for him moving on? Sometimes ppl detach from other person while still in the relationship. They have infact moved on emotionally.

You need to live your life in way you want and let him do same.

I do feel personally social media can be a curse in situations like this : post break up statuses. In past once broken up what an ex did wasn't viewable publicly unless ex/mutual friends passed on frankly unnecessary information!