There I've said it....

[pictureperfect1]

I want out of my 7 year marriage.
I'm scared of him.
I'm walking on egg shells constantly
I don't think I love him
He has double standards
I miss affection
I want to be loved
Why does he shout at me
Why do I make him angry
Why can I never do anything right
Am I going mad?
Is it me!
I'm embarrassed by him
He is horrid to he around
I wished I'd never met him
He is mean

How do I know it's not me - I don't trust myself to know

Have you ever seen a solicitor?

No never seen one

Do it, you'll be much happier. I did it and now, 19 years later can't believe I was ever with him.

Good luck

I want to. I dread going home to him. There is like a fog hanging over me and I cannot see or think clearly

picture he's horrid to be around and he makes you feel bad. That's enough to want to split.

Yes he totally is. I need to dig deep for some courage and do it. I really want to text it - that's so cowardly isn't it?!

Get out . I've been where you are. I'm
Now happy and love my life.

The house is a premarital asset, you work and are financially independent, you've paid the mortgage yourself all the way through? No DCs?
What has he financially contributed? That's what a divorce would look at I think, if he hasn't financially contributed towards hard assets eg the house, then the split should be "leave with what you came with" so to speak?

But if you want him out and are afraid how he'll react then - you are well within your rights to get help getting him out! Especially as his name isn't on the mortgage - you could just change the locks when he's out?! Drastic but then - so is how your being made to feel!!

I want that Beyoncé so badly . I such a strong woman but with him I'm so weak and I'm ashamed of how he makes me feel. I want the upper hand

He sounds toxic.

Speak to someone in real life too, that will make this real. Make an appointment with a solicitor.You will break free from him.

Make an appointment with a solicitor asap. Get everything clear in your head before you say anything to him.

I think your right. I'd like to phone woman's aid but not sure what to expect from doing so

Phone them. They will be helpful and suppportive as well as practical.
You're being really brave you know.

Get legal advice and can you afford some counselling or therapy? I found it invaluable leading up to me leaving my abusive narc ex and after. Helped me unpick everything.

I was and am again a financially independent, career minded woman. I have no idea what happened to me in those three years. Although I did get my lovely daughter out of it.

They condition you to behave in a certain way.

7 years on I look back and I don't know who that person was. They call it cognitive dissonance. It's kind of weird but nice.

You can do this. Get legal advice. Be brave and be safe xxx

I will. I've been texting the Samaritans on and off for a year as I'm so unhappy. That is not me and what has made me realise I'm not the one with the problem

Firstly, well done on admitting that you're not happy and you want out. Sometimes it's incredibly difficult to be honest enough with ourselves to allow us to admit we don't like where we are currently.

Secondly, find yourself a shit hot lawyer for some top-notch legal advice about where to go from here. This is just the beginning towards your road back to happiness.

Women's aid can help with letting you know what your legal rights are, recording your concerns, and recommend local solicitors who are used to this kind of thing - as well as reassuring you that your feelings are justified.

I think that though you are married,you have no children, you bought your house before you were married,,essentially he is no more than a guest in your house. You could ask him to leave tomorrow and he would have to leave. It would then be up to him to pursue any claim he felt was justified. His move, his case, his expense to bring...

On another note,,never but never live with someone in their home if you have no right to be there i,e you are not on the rental agreement and/or you are not a registered proprietor at the land reg.

I'd book a solicitors appointment asap. Just to figure out what you can legally do about getting him out of your house and re divorce. Also maybe women's aid? I was in a kind of similar situation and was petrified about splitting - which is what you sound like now. But I swear I'm so happy now. You can do this!!!!! Don't waste anymore years of your life like this.

It doesnt really matter if you havent done everything perfectly. That doesnt mean you have to put up with his horrible ways forever. So dont bother trying to explain or defend yourself to him. The fact you are walking on egg shells is enough.

I haven't mustered up the courage yet - feel such a failure

What do you think he will do/say when you tell him?

I so feel for you! But don't be like me, I stayed a coward for years before telling my H it was over. It is such a relief to have finally spoken and to know I don't need to pretend any more.

You CAN do this: it won't be easy but you can most definitely do it. Have you anyone you can confide him? If your family and friends are anything like mine, they may be less surprised than you think! And they will want to support you.

Oh, and meant to say, you are not a failure, far from it! You've taken the first important step by admitting how you feel., and acknowledging you want to change things. That's a great start!