Giving marriage another chance after DH left for another woman

[user1499489024]

My husband left 8 months ago to be with someone else he had been talking to online for months. She lives like 300 miles away. We were together 10yrs & have 4 kids.
The relationship barely lasted 2 weeks after he moved there.
He now tells me he still loves me & has made the biggest mistake of his life & wants me to agree to try again.
I'm completely torn...I don't want him to think it's ok that he does that to me & his children then can just come back when he realises the grass isn't greener. I'm afraid to let him back in and feel vulnerable to it happening again.
On the other hand, I want to know I've explored every avenue before accepting my marriage is totally over and I want my kids to have him around & see him daily. I miss that family unit and as much as I hate to admit it to myself I miss him. I can't just fall out of love with him (even tho I could of killed him over all this time).
We have been getting on fine, actually better than fine. I've told him I can't make a decision like that yet and I need to figure out what I want. Right now I'm not sure what I want or what makes me happy.
Has anyone ever had a successful relationship after a break like this?

matilda that was a brilliant typo. I'm sure there were many more

If he realised his mistake after two weeks, where has been for all the remaining months? Did he contact you immediately and ask you to forgive him and let him back into your lives? What about your poor children during all that time? Has he had any contact with them? It all sounds very dodgy.

Personally I would find it very hard to have him back.

Absolutely no way would I take him back.
You are his 2nd choice.
As are his kids.
He's a disgusting vile person.
The sooner you realise that, the better.
But... this is your life and your choice.
But I guarantee, you will always be wondering what he's up to.
Out a bit late - is he with another woman?
On his phone more - is he contact with another woman?
Honestly - it will break you eventually.
Don't do that to yourself.
You KNOW you deserve better than being 2nd best.

I didn't allow my ex back even though he pestered for a long time. In fact each time I declined the more my confidence returned. Good thing as I wouldn't have met my now DH. Who actually deserves me.

People fuck up. They get depressed and do really stupid selfish hurtful things. It's a question of what he has learned - about you, about himself, about life. Ask him to arrange counselling for you both. If he does that (not you) then it's a start. Don't take him back without a good deal of work. Don't. if you want a try a second future with him, it has to be a new better relationship.

My only experience of this is an old friend. They had been together since they were young. After 10 years (he was an early user of the internet and chat rooms) he met someone in the USA - ran off to meet her but surprise surprise it wasn't happening. Former partner took him back - they had 2 children. Turns out, after this he was continually unfaithful and left her after another 10 years for a younger woman. A piece of work.

You might want to watch this: www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_rethinking_infidelity_a_talk_for_anyone_who_has_ever_loved

My main question would be why, if the relationship didn't work out after two weeks, has it taken him so long to say he wants to come back?

Does he just not want to be on his own? Does he really love you so much he can't live without you?

I don't think it's worth the risk tbh.

Nope. It won't work. Don't be a fool. He's a twat. Once a twat. Always a twat.

How can you possibly know that? Posters right above you have told stories of if working out for them and others. Life is complex, not black and white.

Only you can figure this out OP.. you need to decide whether the man and what you have as a family is worth risking it happening again. Literally none of us have a clue of how it might pan out, it can go either way.

I have friends who've come back from the absolute brink stronger than before, and others who have remained separated.

I think the fact it only lasted 2 weeks but he stayed away for more months could actually be a good sign, not a bad one. A twat would have tried to come back straight away.

I made the decision that I wouldn't be second choice, even if that was just for the sake of the kids. I'd rather they saw me as a role model who has strong values, principals and morals.

So for me it would be a big fat NO! Fuck off you made your bed lie (Pun intended) in it. I DESERVE BETTER

If I was in your shoes right now I'd be thinking I've got my freedom back, my autonomy, and there is no way I would take him back. You can do anything you want now.

I would never get over that he was happy to move 300 miles away from his DC for someone else.

Not only did he not give a shit about you he also did give a shit about how he was going to manage a relationship with his DC.

That is selfish to the core and doesn't change.