Partner looking at other women when out with you

[puglady]

Would it bother you?

Am I unreasonable to feel hurt, disrespected and inadequate?

If you brought it up with him what reaction would you expect / would be acceptable to you?

Any thoughts would be appreciated

I think there's a difference between noticing someone attractive and prolonged staring or gawping. I've had this with mine and
I felt hurt but thankfully, it's passed.

My DH will glance if he sees a pretty lady. That doesn't bother me. But a full gawp probably would.

I was in a city last week and i saw this guy with his wife wearing a niqab. He gave a full on stare and didnt hide it. Made me feel very uncomfortable. She had no idea of his gawping.

Hit post too soon!

Do many if them stare rudely at women not wearing that type of clothing? What do their wives think? It was creepy.

Depends if he was leering then I would be bothered, glances and gawping a bit I wouldnt mind so much.

Reminds me of a time in a supermarket with a previous bf, girl standing near me who had an " I squat a 100 times a day bum" and even I was checking it out(I was impressed), swiftly turned round to catch my bf doing it too, I mock told him off and we walked off merrily to ourselves.

It's normal to notice attractive people around you and its not a crime to admire their qualities but there is a line just depends where you draw it.

In my case I knew my bf was attracted to me in a massive way even if my ass is non existent so it didn't bother me.

blackandpurple I'm failing to see the relevance of the niqab? Who do you mean when you say "do many of them stare rudely at women"?

Who are the "them" you refer to?

We always allowed each other to 'window shop' as long as it was discreet, any comparison out loud , no matter how innocent would be a major faux pas (a mistake I made in the early days) . At parties and that we'd happily play the 'which famous person would you snog?' game etc, but tbh I was always polite and say I couldn't think of anyone. Latter years I would feel incredibly guilty if I looked at anyone..... (Then DW had an affair anyway! doh)

So glad to be passed all this bollocks.

Me too. Yes, people can admire beauty in life but why the need to be ultra cool and point people out to your partner?! So odd to me. Some things are best left unsaid, imo.

My ex stared at women whenever went out anywhere. When we broke up for other reasons I found out he'd been having flings with them. So trust your instinct

I do not expect to notice the man I'm with looking at other women. That's not to say I don't expect him to look, just that he should be discreet enough about it that it's not obvious. Anything more than a quick glance is not respectful and I certainly don't want to be reminded that there are younger better looking women out there. None of this "She's gorgeous isn't she" (from either of us) thank you.

Yes, people can admire beauty in life but why the need to be ultra cool and point people out to your partner?! So odd to me. Some things are best left unsaid, imo
Agree with this. Think it but don't say it.

As others have said u notice but not be rude. My dp and I were getting a mortgage quote in a bank and the woman helping us was gorgeous, so pretty, and friendly I joked to my other half I'd do her, ( I wouldn't just a girlcrush) and he laughed his head off agreed she was very attractive. He then messaged his single co-worker to get down the bank as even Jayne would do her. I'm quite sensitive but I think if your dp is decent he's respectful enough not to shove it in ur face

Can't say I've ever noticed my DH doing that to be honest. Although he does comment every time he sees another man looking at me

'Leering is the most unattractive trait in a bloke' agreed!

All these woman that do things like Jayne and say "I'd do her" even in jest you're giving your man the green light to also start saying these things to you. Maybe you're fine with that but one day when you're not feeling your best it might grate - why set yourself up for that? Also, why facilitate your man having these thoughts?

If the mortgage woman was that nice I might say she was sweet or pleasant or what a nice person but I wouldn't refer to her looks, only her personality. I'd probably only say something like she's beautiful if she is much younger than me and the man I was with could take that comment and not run with it in a sleezy way. We can all appreciate beauty/attractiveness even in the same sex even if we're not gay.

You might say I sound insecure. I actually think the ones that make out they're really cool with all this are the insecure ones for bringing it up in the first place. There's always someone more attractive than you out there, why even feel the need to think it and then mention it? For me it's usually just a passing thought along the lines of "oh, he's got something about him" or "she's pretty" or "those cakes look good" or "I love those shoes", just stream of consciousness stuff that doesn't need iterating as it makes it a "thing" or an issue.

My ex used to say he loved skinny, tall blonde women. Oh right, well fuck off and get one then (I'm short, curvy and dark). We didn't last. It's just one other little thing that chips away until you think, I think you're a dickhead.

And those pointing other people out to their boyfriends or husbands of women they might fancy. that just sounds sad and desperate to be seen by your bf or dh as cool. He's not your buddy, you deserve a bit more respect. Also don't like "if we ever meet so and so we've agreed we've both got a free pass". So crass. Reduces everything down to sex.

Annielouise - yes, i agree. Respect.