So fucked off with the continual battle

[greenberet]

I am so fucked off with having to deal with the bollocks created by my X.

Every single aspect of my life is tainted by his fucking nonsense.

I am trying to sort out my pension from the divorce - I am sure he will have manipulated it in some way as he works in this field and transferred out of his final salary scheme just before the final hearing.

He had all the paperwork to confirm this was "legit" just like with everything else and the judge was fooled by it all. Lack of experience and flattered by the bullshit given to her by one of her ex colleagues

I got a % rather than a fixed amount but the X has the ability to manipulate what the actual fund is - and the company involved are unable to answer my questions due to the Data protection Act even though they have documentation that shows I have a legal interest. The X being is usual fucking self will not give his authority to release this info

I am going round in fucking circles just like with every other aspect of my divorce

CMS are fucking useless - the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing - one dept dealing with annual review with out of date info - the other dealing with current payments but doesn't share info with review dept. It's a fucking farce.

This is on top of all the shit with the kids!

I am getting to fucking breaking point - my counselling is finished - right now I am so angry but this will turn inwards shortly and I will start thinking what's the point.

3 years of fucking aggro and for what - the toll on my health has no value. All this is for the kids - no other reason.

Sorry ladies need to get it out before I fucking explode

,

Your Pension Sharing Order should specify the date by which the transfer should take place. Mine was 4 months and I assume fairly standard as I didn't come up with it? My XH also fucked about though more shitty admin than intentional fraud, and we went to more like 8 months. But the PSO definitely had a date. Check your date, and take the fucker back to court.

Oh and to the continual battle. Mine was minor compared, but I still remember that awful bloody hell when-will-this-just-fucking-end feeling.

And me. Ours went on years. Finally came through on Valentine's Day ffs

All a distant memory now and life has been much better since.

That would have made me smile! Good present to finally be rid of him - better than roses

You know what I can't actually fucking believe what I have just come across

The x has written several articles about divorce and the financial implications and what to watch out for and a specific article on pensions on divorce

He is fucking smug and honestly believes all the bullshit he has told everyone

When is this Karma coming

Oh that would boil my piss!!!!!

to you!

take the articles to Court with you.. help the judge see him in a clearer light x

Does he tweet professionally about the subject?

@cuntex: pension divorce blah
@fake account: how long after will I have to pay out?
@cuntex: 4 months
@real account: then you're overdue @cuntex

Of course, dignified silence is better

Gemini already been to court and had final hearing - it was a fucking farce

I'm trying to make sure the last part hasn't been fucked up by him - but my suspicions are even more aroused now

My legals let me down - lost the family home and screwed over financially - everything I said he would do he did - they didn't believe me

He has far more to loose than I have already lost - his professional reputation is everything - if he has acted unprofessionally which I strongly suspect he has - the consequences are all his doing.

Ellis thanks do I know you? Always loved that phrase x

greenberet

The x has written several articles about divorce and the financial implications and what to watch out for and a specific article on pensions on divorce

If this is about 'hiding funds' or generally about how to get the better of your ex, you could give it to your solicitor and see if its worth going back to court for.

Maids my x came to tell me the marriage was over on Valentine's Day -when they are rotting in hell they will always remember this - meanwhile we will be celebrating

I don't know you... but you still have my sympathy!
Sadly I think "cuntex" is all too commonly needed

Boney - lost all faith in legal professionals and whole system -
Probably had strong case for appeal but couldn't risk further financial loss and the toll on MH - x is a narc of highest order - he would have fought me all the way and has enough " buddies" to support him.

Maybe karma is already doing its stuff these articles were back in May - only just come across them now There's nothing dodgy in them such as hiding funds but there is enough to prove that he knew what he was doing if I find out I have been disadvantaged.

God he sounds a delight

Maybe it's time to do another complaint about the pensions actuary in my case - his report was so full of errors

You know I think I am caught in some fucking soap opera - it all sounds too far fetched to be believed anD I could quite easily convince myself I imagined it all as a form of self protection - a bit like forgetting the pain of childbirth but I have been living this hell for the last 3 years

I have just lost a whole thread documenting the continual financial and emotional abuse I and my kids are still under.

My posts are my story - I also hope others may learn and benefit from my experience and hopefully save themselves and their kids years of hell.

When I have been stronger I have linked to professional articles that I have found useful - right now getting out of bed and getting dressed is enough for me to deal with

I had namechanged in the past because I know he follows me on here but I went back to my original name as I have nothing to hide - he found me anyway - my posts have been used as part of his statement.

The abuse does not end with the decree nisi.

I was going to include stuff that is identifiable to me - maybe I'm not supposed to

My Dd has recently asked her father for some money £200 for college clothes - he has refused saying I get more than enough " benefits" to cover this.

This is from a father who has just spent a week in a luxury holiday home in U.K. Rental for same period next year £4470. Dd did not go as she refuses to meet OW and her kids. He gave her £50.

He has told CMS he earns £12000 a year and I currently get £114 per month.

In addition to this I get CM & CTC - I also get PIP for long term depression - the minimal spousal I got before being told I am capable of securing full time employment in 3 years time when all benefits stop was paid as a lump sum and I am trying to hold this back for housing.

I don't really know what I am trying to say now - he used the case law against me where the wife was full of bitterness and mistrust several times - I lost the family home based on this - never mind I was sent to court unaccompanied by my solicitor at her advice completely out of my depth and an emotional wreck - the hearing lasted 30 mins.

I guess it's I have enough emails etc to show that it is him that behaves this way and that the abuse takes many forms.

My kids are still suffering - I have documented my Ds current state of mind at having to leave his school that his DF claims he can no longer afford to pay.

I continue to email the x - he knows all that is happening but my emails are ignored.

The time the school were concerned about DS mental health he dismissed it as a prank.

I know I am starting to ramble - I have lost the clarity of thought I had with my original post - this is because my brain is starting to shut down as it can no longer deal with the stress all this is having in me.

i feel at breaking point this morning - i have only been up 30 mins and already i am in tears brought on by the food bin being full of maggots - this is the boys job to put out for bin men - for all the reasons above i dont know when it was last done - i cant do this shit on my own - i need help

i have looked at the pension stuff this morning - i have been asking the same questions since May and getting the same bollocks answers - going round in circles and getting nowhere

this should not be the case - this is my X's professional field - there is no other reason for him to do this other than to continually abuse me by playing on my fear that he will have done something to this pension to stop me getting a reasonable amount. He knows my future financial security is hinging on this - all the judges decisions were based on this being available to me in 3 years time - now 2.5.

my kids need me - i should be free of this divorce shit - i should be able to move forward but yet i am still fucking controlled.

i am doing courses to help myself cope with the abuse - the theory all makes sense - yet reality leaves unable to move past this place

i have emailed x - i have given him one last chance to provide his authority - how many times do i need to do this - infact i shouldnt need to do this at all as he told me the transfer is in my interest - he told the judge this - im sorry i cannot beleive this for one second - what do they say once a liar always a liar!

i have given him to 9.30 - i have also text him so he has no excuse that he hasnt seen it - then i escalate

ive just posted the following on another thread - this is my record of how i am currently feeling - as usual the x just ignores my communication -
I have just come on here because i feel i am near breaking point - i am going round in circles trying to sort out the pension following my divorce - because my X is high up in financial services and has connections with the company i need to deal with I am getting nowhere - i have been emailing them since may with the same old questions and getting the same old fob off - ive tried to get in contact with the cheif exec - he doesnt want to know - they have referred me to ombudsman - ive just checked the date of the court order - it is 29 march - this is how the abuse continues - i have had nothing so obvious although he threw things - kids toys out the door - and the x has accused me of abusing him - i had two harrassment letters from his solicitor - i am going to pm you for your solicitors details if you dont mind - i really need some help - this is beyond a fucking joke - there needs to be some recompense for those where the abuse is insidious - this is exactly how he has behaved probably since i met him!

my mood is not good today - probably as a result of several issues coming to a head and i am worn out. A poster on another thread suggested I contact victim support for some help - i will be looking into this.

I think i posted this somewhere on MN but i cant find it - in the last 2 weeks i had to collect my DS from the X's house - he was distraught - he had just spent a week with X, Ow and her kids on holiday in a luxury holiday cottage - he told me he had been unable to sleep with worry over having to leave his private school where he has been with his Dsis for the last 5 years - the X claims he can no longer afford to pay the fees - this is bullshit!

My DS does not cope well with change - he has previously been referred to PCAMHS but would not attend sessions - he had an issue at his school where he googled how to kill yourself - his DF dismissed it as a school boy prank - he told me he feels like harming himself everytime he thinks about changing schools.

I could not do this to him- i emailed X what was going on - my emails were ignored.
I contacted the school to see whether there is a place available despite my X giving notice that they will be leaving - luckily i have seen the headmaster a couple of times and he is aware of the home situation.

I have made the decision to pay the school fees so my DS can complete his A levels where it was originally intended. i gave my DD the option too but she is ok with leaving and for her i think this is the right thing.

This will impact greatly on my financial situation and my ability to rehouse locally. I already had to lower my sights as a result of my disasterous court hearing so I figure I can adjust again - as long as I am able to afford a one/two bed place somewhere what more do I need?

and what price do I put on my ds's mental wellbeing - i could not take this risk.

Do you have any RL support? It sounds like you're really struggling. Your ex sounds like a prize prick. Is your pension sharing order being implemented by the company. Once that's done you'll know the value of your pension pot. If it's significantly less than you were led to believe that would be grounds to reopen the case. Once it's implemented your pensions are separate and he can't touch yours. I think asking for info before it's implemented may be fruitless and causing you further unnecessary stress. As fantastically difficult as it is you need to begin the process of accepting the outcome of the court process so that you can move on from it. The pension sharing order is a court order and the provider should just be getting on with it. Check your figures once it's done

Hi jk - thanks for your reply - most people in RL don't get the continual hassle now that divorce is over. I am waiting a further referral for counselling. I'm not sure I can take the risk of having it rectified through the courts if my suspicions are correct even though this way for now would be easier. I got severly let down first by my solicitor and then by a direct access barrister and I'm currently trying to rectify this if I can - I have completely lost faith in the court system. Will have to wait and see what this week brings

I know you have said you are ill at the moment but can you look to a future where you return to work and you are not financially dependent on your ex. I fought unsuccessfully to get my ex to properly support his children but there was no way I wanted him to have financial control over me. You may have to "cut your cloth" and move to a cheaper area but you will come to relish your freedom. If you feel the CMS decision is incorrect ask for a mandatory reconsideration ( you need to provide evidence) if there is no change you have a right of appeal. If you attend a tribunal take a friend for support.

thank you sandgrown

I haven't been on for a while as i'm exhausted - sorting all the school stuff out completely drained me and I knew there would be repercussions for deciding to pay whilst the X claims he cannot afford it - where is he now? - indulging his passion for motor racing!

The X can't see that this is the best for his DS - he can't see that I'm looking out for his DS mental health - somehow he will take this as Ive got one over on him!

I know what its like to change schools at this time, to leave friends behind and I chose to do this - I struggled - I think this is when my depression probably first surfaced but i didn't know what it was then - all i knew is some days I couldn't face going into college. The X also struggled at this time - he bailed out after the first year!

If I was a true single parent this would be far easier - I still "consider" the X - i still try and communicate with him - even though he ignores me - he uses the kids to get at me - he "denies" them help which would make things easier for them at any opportunity but always coming up with an "excuse" that on the surface seems reasonable - but it is the continuation of this that is the abuse - insidious is the word that describes it!

at the moment im taking it one day at a time - this is all I can do - get the kids sorted at college/6th form first - then deal with the next big
hurdle which is leaving the family home - i have until April next year - no idea where we are going yet on this! whether i have the ability to return to work currently I don't know.

the summer holidays feel like I have lunged from one week to another either in the midst of aggro or recovering from it - never feel like i am able to just be me!

so today is pay for your kids day - what does the "fucker" do - reduce the measly amount of £114 to £65. I've spoken to CMS - what he's done is pay me the new weekly amount - except he won't be paying it weekly - this wont be a mistake - he doesn't make mistakes like this - he works with numbers & proofreading all day long - this is another way of getting at me - on top of his refusal to help out with kids passports which he has always done.

I've just had to pay out for DS to be suited and booted for 6th form - no financial contribution from the X - but what keeps me going is that the kids will be happy!

I'm yet to see whether he will be making any financial contribution for his DD's college travel - somehow I doubt it!

I asked the X to let me know when he could have the kids for two weeks so i can have a break - I asked him to let me know by 11 August - this was before his summer luxury holiday - he is now on another luxury break - I don't need to tell you that this has been completely ignored!

At least I have evidence that his claimed salary and lifestyle don't add up - X & OW can't resist broadcasting it to all and sundry - but you know what I may just let Karma do its stuff! There is an irony of ironies but i cannot say yet in case i am still being followed!

one day at a time...