I can't help hating her

[WWYD17]

In the first three months after meeting my boyfriend, we broke up for a week then got back together again and have been together ever since.

During that week he slept with a female friend he's known since childhood.

They are still friends and as she's a family friend sometimes she is at gatherings etc.

I hate her. I know I'm probably being unreasonable but I really hate her. I am polite to her but that's as far as it goes.

He doesn't see her often at all. And I'm not asking him not to be friends with her but I don't want anything to do with her.

Am I overreacting and should I try and be friendly for the sake of my boyfriend? His family are very fond of her. She asked him never to tell them they shagged and I can sort of understand that. But it pisses me off that she's going to be around forever.

Can our relationship survive this do you think?

I love him very much and I believe him when he says it was a mistake never to be repeated.

It may be hard to forget about it, but if she doesn't, it's going to wreck her relationship. She can't go on forever directing all her anger and hate on the person who's not actually in the relationship.

If OP is still not secure enough in her relationship two years later, the issue goes beyond some woman who isn't in it.

Hi OP. I'd feel exactly as you are feeling if I were in that situation and would hate the fact he was still friends with her. Although I wouldn't do anything about it. But you can't help how you feel

Lobster, Serial, Bonez
Appreciate your words of support. I know I have to let it go because if I don't, as pp have said, it could jeopardise the relationship.

I just posted for a bit of a perspective and am grateful for the opinions and advice I've found here. Thank you all.

No worries, go and be happy

Get over it already. Seriously, him sleeping with her doesn't even matter.

Have you bothered to rtft before giving your tuppence worth Aqua?

To all those focusing on the 'hate': OP has said she is polite to the woman when she sees her so this hate is something that is hurting her, not the other woman. So can we please stop being encouraged to feel sorry for someone who isn't being 'hated' on in any way she is aware of...

I am surprised you needed a break after just 3 months. I understand why that would make you insecure. It's odd sleeping with a close friend when you're trying to figure out whether your relationship is the right one for you. Was he thinking that he may have wanted a relationship with her? Had they slept together before ?

But again, why did you need a break after just 3 months? Every single relationship I've had at 3 months we were absolutely besotted with each other and wouldn't have entertained a break.

It's a tough one. I'd treat it as her being an ex now so I'd probably ask him to not hang out with her alone.
On family occasions you can relax and be loved up with him knowing he chose you over her and if you're otherwise happy all is good.
But I'll probably be slated for this.

Well, OP may say she's civil and I'm sure that she honestly believes she is. In my experience, though, people do generally pick up on it when someone has a really searing hatred of them, however well they think they're hiding it.

It really makes no sense for OP to hate a woman who slept with her boyfriend when he wasn't her boyfriend, yet the boyfriend has a completely free pass. Either she now feels secure in the relationship, or she doesn't. Hating this other person who's not in the relationship isn't going to resolve the issue either way.

PoorYorick the other woman knew they were on a break meaning there was a chance they would get back together. She still chose to sleep with him. She has to deal with the consequences of her own behaviour helping to create a very awkward situation for everyone. I don't feel sorry for her at all. She's a grown adult who made her own decision.

To be really honest ..maybe a question of maturity.as in - if your hatred is won so cheaply then perhaps your love is too?