Male friends having crushes on you

[IDoDaChaCha]

Have you had a male friend/s have a crush on you that interfered with or ruined the friendship? I have only had one best friend (of 7 years) who it turned out had a huge crush on me and was hoping for more than friendship. I felt as though every experience we'd shared was spoiled by this. I felt betrayed. The friendship didn't survive.

I have tried to be friends with men but I get the impression they want more than friendship. I'm not flirty or tactile and I'm very clear about who I'm interested in romantically. Can't think what I'm doing wrong. Or are some straight men unable to form platonic friendships with women?

dogfish1 no, I'm not. I was asking if other people had had similar experiences to me. You seem a bit paranoid mentioning agendas and suggesting im taking up a position. I have read what PPs have written. It doesn't change the experiences I have personally had, which have been negative due to the fault of the men involved not me. I'm open to the idea of male/female friendships but the men I meet do not seem to be, they want more.

I have very close platonic friendships with 3 men. 2 of which we have never been interested in each other. The third i had a thing with but we are now really close friends and both can laugh about our little romance. I think it is definitely possible with the right combination.

Yes, almost all the friendships I've had with men they have tried it on with me. I don't have close male friendships anymore.

I find friendships with women are on another level of closeness, though, it's a much deeper, emotional bond, but takes a lot more work to nourish. I find it really sad when I hear women saying how they don't get on with other women, they are really missing out. You just have to make the effort.

WiganPierre do you find your friendships are closer with women you're more similar to? (And do you live in Wigan?? I'm moving there soon )

I had a very dear male friend who I thought had dealt with his feelings for me but years later, after marriage and kids of his own, called our friendship off as he found it too painful. I miss him a lot. I never reciprocated his feelings though.

Gosh i must be the most disgusting repulsive creature on earth. Ive never had male friends come on to me, nor have i had offers of 'help' when my marriage ended.

Unless i cant spot the signs..... (clutching at straws here)

Ha I posted similar Me my dp reassures me I am completely shaggable though. So I think I'm just lucky and my male friends are very genuine friends! Or I've got some horrible off putting habits that only dp can't see!

I have a male friend that I've known for most of my life and tbh, yes now & then I fancied him and apparently he felt the same at one point. I'd never ever act on it though as I know I'm just getting mixed up with the ease we have with each other and I genuinely wouldn't want anything more with him at all.. we have this sort of mutual understanding of that.
However I have another mate who is more like what you're talking about - I was always happy to see him and thought we were just great buddies but recently he's been more over-keen, wanting to meet up more on things that sound like dates and being flirty over messages. I pull away from that kind of thing so when it's all one sided and clearly not reciprocated it's really uncomfortable. I don't feel betrayed because you can't help developing a crush, it's more like disappointment that he isn't reading the signs, and confusion because I don't know if I acted some way that was perceived as a green light for him to keep at it.

haha emboo - hit the nail on the head there i think!

Had a very good male friend in my twenties when I moved to work in another country and he was one of the few close friends I made and supported me with stuff like moving house and was also really good company, and we shared many of the same interests. We used to hang out together 2 or 3 times a week, playing squash, going for runs, going swimming, to the cinema, getting a takeaway at one of our houses, etc.

After two years of great friendship, we had been out to the theatre one night and then when I got home he sent me a text declaring undying love and saying he wish he'd kissed me at the end of the night. We met the next day and I told him I wasn't in love with him. We continued the friendship and he never mentioned it again or acted strangely. I got a boyfriend who I moved in with and my friend also became friends with my boyfriend and often we'd do things together.

Fast forward some years and my male friend for a girlfriend and we started to see each other less and less. They married quite quickly (he's a bit older than me and she's a bit older than him so he was 38 when they married) and my boyfriend - by then my husband - and I went to the wedding which was a lovely occasion. Since then, his wife has banned him from seeing me and she is openly unpleasant to me if we meet by chance. My husband and I have moved abroad so our only real contact us by Facebook (nothing clandestine - just the annual Happy birthday/Christmas on each other's walls and a few cheery photo likes). It's sad as I genuinely miss the friendship.

I have two good male friends, one is my dh's best friend who I've been friends with since 1989 (had to count back!) and a much younger friend I met when I went back to college in 2006, I was 35, he was 21 when we met.
I love them both, in a great friend relationship with friend 1 and basically a big sister relationship with friend 2.

I think it helps that I'm married and old!