DH and I have 2 under 3 and tbh find it hard. We're a bit old, in our mid forties, and we're just a bit too knackered tbh. Zero family support. Baby wakes every two hours and we alternate settling her so we're both operating on about three hrs sleep each. It's relentless. Oh and did I mention we're in the middle of a house move??! The stress is huge, the problem is that I hide my stress, but he revels in it!
We have no social life, no outlet, we fall into bed exhausted at 8.30 and are asleep by 9.30 (before baby wakes up again at 10.30!)
But when DH does something for himself (rare) I try to be really cheerful so he never feels guilty about it.
When I do something for myself (also rare) I come home to the sighing martyr with a migraine (he really does get them in fairness, he's on Sumatriptin).
Today I went shopping for dresses for a wedding in a city two hours away with my friend. Toddler was in nursery so he had the baby. Not that bad! I left at 9.30 and was back by 2.30.
The baby hadn't napped and it had been a fraught couple of hours and he had to put her in the car and drive around and it hadn't worked and she was screaming and look I'm sure it was bloody stressful, of course it was.
BUT he was quiet, drawn, depressed, morose, the atmosphere was hushed and suffering.......he asked if I had a nice time but I was so flipping annoyed that he was playing the dying swan that I've hardly spoken to him since.
Am I unreasonable to want him to fake it a bit???
Is there a phrase I can use to puncture his Martyrdom without sounding passive aggressive myself or sounding just plain agressive?
I'm going to this wedding on Saturday and his mother is staying here to help him with the two kids (mainly bedtimes as they're hard going). I dread how "tired" he's going to be on Sunday. 