Calling all single mums...How do you do it? I'm fat, lonely and absolutely exhausted?

[user1496589862]

Exactly that really.....
I'm a single mum to 3 dd's and a student nurse.
I don't exercise, drink too much wine and have absolutely no adult company.
I have posted before. Since, joined a gym but cant ever go as I have no childcare. Joined a dating site but again, no childcare. Cut down on wine but it crept back into my evenings and now put on a stone. Now my clothes don't fit me. I feel like poop!
I know its a choice and I know its down to me to change it but its like I go around in circles. I have totally lost my mojo :(
Hoping for some motivation/someone to chat to as I see noone!

Fat? Yep? Exhausted? Yep Lonely? Yep again.

Anyway, I feel like shite and it is time for a change! I really can't get to a gym so I think I'm just going to do what I can a thing home. There are some fab workout vids on YouTube that I'm going to do when I manage to get off my fat lazy arse

I don't drink but I do spend far too many evenings on the sofa eating shite. That needs to change. I could do with an eating support thread. I can't really justify the added expense of WeightWatchers or Slimming World so will go the (free!) My Fitness Pal route I think.

Biting the bullet and actually making changes is so hard though. I've planned to 'start on Monday' so many times but I never actually do.

It's not easy being a single Mum when your kids are little. When mine were young I used to struggle to fit in time to exercise. It does get easier though I promise!

Could you afford a babysitter? I used to pay a friend's teenage daughter a tenner to sit with mine for a couple of hours a week while I went swimming. If not, then there are loads of good videos on YouTube you could try at home maybe?

You sound great to me!

Student nurse = brains, empathy, personality, drive, organiser, important to society.

Single mum of 3 = Multitasker extraordinaire, resilience, courage, grafter, maid of all work. Sexually experienced, fertile (hence keeps dropping)

Put everything together = Wonder woman with cast Iron bollocks!

OrphanAccount - Oh :( Its hard isnt it? Lets do this together?

Violetcharlotte - thankyou :) I really cant afford a sitter as all my money goes into childcare to work. I need to find some motivation to youtube!

HadronCollider - :) thankyou so much, that really made me smile. It really did :)

Does their dad not have them? That's when I exercise (and go to pub afterwards so doubles as socialising)

When I do circuits in the park there's a young Mum with a little one in a buggy speed walking laps every morning. She stops to do squats and jumping jacks etc and little one gets fresh air. If the DDs are older could you get them involved down the park by doing some sort of tag game? They can run and burn off energy and you can walk fast. I'm sure google will have other ideas!

If you don't drink on some evenings then put the price of that bottle of wine in a jar. Keep the jar in view and before you know it you'll have a tenner for a sitter. Do the same for chocolate or the treat of your choice.

Tell yourself you can't have a treat or a drink until you've done a 15 minute you tube workout. By then you'd probably prefer water!

Helpmeltb - No he doesn't, well he has them every other Sunday for a few hours. That's when I try to do uni work. Its only twice a month so very little.

I am a single mother of 3 and rarely get time to myself. I go to a buggy bootcamp (although youngest not in a buggy any more) and play the wii - just dance games. You have to do something you enjoy and if you tell yourself you'll do 5 minutes mostly I end up doing more. Also highly recommend a fit bit. Can do just dance game for about an hour and pick up up to 5000 steps and it lifts my mood. Also can't eat at the same time 😂

Beenthere - I will try this :)

Zumba - I have a fitbit on its way :)

Thankyou for the tips, really appreciate it :)

Sorry user, that's crap. I wouldn't manage it if their dad didn't take them.

I did notice near me there's a bootcamp fitness thing in a local park where they welcome kids (kids are free of charge too). Might be worth suggesting to some fitness groups as there must be plenty of others in a similar situation.

Hey lovely, I'm a single mum of 2, and managed to lose quite a lot of weight doing the 5:2. It's good because it costs less than your normal way of eating, given that you eat hardly anything 2 days a week, and that gives you 2 natural evenings off the booze as well.

Hi OP, you're doing a great job being a mum to three. I'm a single mum to one and just about cope with working full time (my flat is a tip though and all my money goes on childcare).

I'm also trying to cut down on the wine. I've tried having herbal tea in the evening and reading a book instead of wine and tv. Have had some success.

I'm single mum to 3 as well (and bigger than I'd like to be).

Gym membership would be a waste of time in my case. I go running/cycling (as in use the bike where possible for travelling rather than going out for a ride specifically) Kids are enough of an age that I can run around in circles in the park if desperate, whilst they have a play, or try and keep up with me on their bikes. When DD was little I ran around with the buggy, and I used to have a seat on my bike for the littlest one. As they've got older I've found Pokemon Go to be a brilliant thing to do with kids, if you want to get out there and moving about. I also bought a Jillian Michel DVD for £5 off Amazon which was pretty good- only 20min workouts.

Not drinking is hard. I try to keep it for weekends only. If you don't drink during the week, then the amounts at the weekend tend to be less as well. Keeping nice non-alcoholic stuff in the house helps e.g. non alcoholic beer (I don't like wine). Sometimes just the psychological thing of having a 'drink' helps tide me over. There is a website called drydrinker.com that only sells non/v low alcohol wine, beer and 'spirits'. I've not used it because I found what I wanted from there in my local supermarket (and it was great- alcohol free craft ale!) but it looks promising.

It will get easier OP. You are extremely busy at the moment, and your kids are so small they are totally dependent on you. It won't always be this way. Don't be hard on yourself for not being able to exercise/putting on weight- you'd have to be supermum to fit it all in with everything else you have on your plate!

Thanks Helpmeltbe :) I dont know of any groups. I live in a very small community. Im thinking lapping the park might be my only option. Its trying to drag the dc out whatever the weather.

Stubbornstains - hello :) well done to you. I have heard this before. Did you find this easy?

Teaches - thankyou :) thats good, well done. I need to have some discipline here. I think I have so much going on at the moment so struggling to find it. Really want to though.

Danger - thankyou :) I have tried to find other drinks. Its my own lack of willpower that takes me back to wine. I try not to beat myself up and relax a bit. Then I put on a stone. I now have nothing to wear. I know it will get easier, thankyou :)

Thanks everyone.

Well, fairly easy.....

You do feel grumpier on fast days, but it's surprising how fast you can get used to feeling hungry. I didn't really feel lacking in energy, particularly.

I'm going to go back on it in September; weight has crept back on , and I've found myself drinking every night recently....

(PS- there are loads of 5:2 threads here on MN, with explanations of how to do it, suggestions of what to eat on a fast day, etc).

I was amazed how far my weekly shop was stretching when I, er, wasn't eating for 2 days a week!

I'm fat and exhausted too lol and a single mum to 2 dcs

Dating doesn't help it really doesn't so don't even think about that. Majority of single men appear to act like children so it's like adding another burden to your already busy life!

I have decided only to date once my kids have left home. Have tried a few relationships and it's bloody difficult trying to fit it all in. See how you're trying to fit gym in then try and slot a relationship that needs work too in there!

So try and work on the friends thing first. It will also boost your self confidence loads so when you are ready for dating, you'll be in a good position.

Good luck, I know how tough it is (I've been in bed since 945pm!)

Start writing down all the calories that you consume including all drinks. This means weighing and measuring so don't be tempted to guess! Don't try and cut back yet if you're not ready but you will get a sense of where you 'spend' the most calories. You could then start substituting foods / drinks and cutting down generally to suit your eating style. Remember you need around 2000 calories a day to exist. At worst try and stick to 2000 calories and work your way down to about 1500. If you log them in fitness pal you can log exercise and get a net figure.

I use the runtastic app (free) to log my walking so know how far I've walked.

OP..you are AMAZING..LP to 3 DC is difficult enough, but studying too? That's phenomenal..

I think the park thing sounds a way forward, I've seen lots of mums with their Bugaboos running around. It does help so much if you have moral support, we all need a 'buddy' don't we? Maybe look online (if you have that facility) on local community websites. There are some on FB, and there's one around here called 'Nextdoor'. Lots of people ask for clubs/friendship on there. You could ask for an exercise buddy?

You are doing an excellent job..I'm in awe

Have you tried the exercise board on MN? You might find a buddy there or a child friendly park workout

Well done OP it is really hard work! You're also training at the same time and have no childcare/contact time to give you a break.. you definitely need to focus on the positives as you can't shame yourself towards making changes.

Perhaps try a couple of smaller goals, e.g. Not to drink a couple of nights a week and see how you feel? Maybe try some YouTube yoga to help you in feeling more in touch with your sense of self and also your body? It's really relaxing and you might not feel you miss the wine so much?

I'm also a single mum to three children.. 8, 5 and 3 plus I work as a social worker. It's way hard so I'm with you on that!! However my ex although stubborn and a bit tricky will have them one night a week and another day (whilst summer holidays). It's when he's got them that I manage the gym and would struggle to fit it in any other time although sometimes might fit in a quick workout in my lunch break or head straight out for a run after work (literally from the office 😂).

I never used to do any exercise and also drank a lot of wine and gin. However I discovered it really impacted my mental wellbeing and my waistline and through gradually getting into exercise I found I didn't want to drink as much. Now I literally barely drink.. maybe once a month? Alcoholism runs in in my family and I was a big drinker so am pleased that I can take it or leave it now.

Good luck to you, take baby steps and remember what a fantastic job you are already doing xxx

I'm huge and lonely and lp to ds13 and dd11. Ds has asd and anxiety to the point where he can go weeks without leaving the house and I never know which days will be good or bad. As a result I can't make any plans so have lost touch with all my friends. I can't work. I can't leave ds at home alone unless I can be sure he won't self harm but even then I can only dash to the shop as if I'm gone too long he gets really anxious.

Dd goes to their dad's quite regularly but ds doesn't see his dad at all as exh does not deal with his asd very well.

I have managed to lose 10 pounds but was over 20 stone to start with so a long way left to go.

I feel like I'm living a half life, stuck in the house all the time but try and make the best of it. I'm very jealous of you training to be a nurse. I'd love to be a speech therapist and am hoping to train as one if ds gets to be independent enough when he's older.

I'm just praying that ds will get into school OK in Sept. His attendance is really low at the moment but if he can get up to even 60 or 70 % it would give me a chance to do some stuff for myself.

Being an lp is tough though, essentially we're doing the work of two people where you don't get time off sick or holidays.

I'm not a single mum at the minute but I have been. How about exerting at home either before the kids wake up or after they go to bed. It's not easy but much easier than going to the gym 😀

I'm a single mum, finally reaching the end of a very long and very stressful divorce. I've been on anti depressants to cope, and have put on so much weight. Also drink more than I should that doesn't help, and just seem to find any excuse not to exercise even when I have a clear chance.

Randomly, I am finding that ignoring the problem, and instead focusing on something else is helping. I've had an awful habit of hoarding stuff over the past few years, partly due to fear of being short of money post divorce, and hence not wanting to throw anything away, in case I need it. However final finances were OK, so I'm now trying to focus on decluttering.

It is actually working well. Lots of stuff being passed to younger cousins, or charity shop, and I am aiming to have our general waste and recycling bins full to bursting point at each collection day. It is also a project where you really see results.

It is really rewarding when you finally see a room clear and sorted. And it actually seems to use up lots of mental and physical energy. I actually finally seem to have lost a few pounds, despite no gym or swimming recently. And you can do it without needing a babysitter (SN DS10).

Don't know if this suggestion helps or not, but it has helped me.

I also aim to do 20 sit ups a day.

I have also bought (but not yet tried) the Shred DVD.