What happened to talking ..

[lookingforlove]

Hi new here, just sharing experience of online dating ...

After a break following divorce met a great woman online, both in our late 30s, lots in common and made me feel happy again for first time in a while

Lots of texting, telephone calls and 3 great dates then suddenly stopped answering messages .. blocked my number and seems to have disappeared!

I'm guessing she met someone better but AIBU to at least expect a message or call to say 'I'm sorry but ...'

We're not 15, friend has described this as ghosting ... how shitty is this, and is this the way it's done now?!

Does anyone actually find a decent partner online ?

I feel for you, my friend is 44, attractive funky single mum to a 11 year old , witty and fun and she says exactly the same thing, it seems manners have gone out the window totally

Although its child comfort to you I'm quite glad you are showing the other side of it because the majority of MN seem to be insistent that its all horrendous men who ghost men in fact its both in equal measure.

I've not needed OLD for 4 years now and am very glad that's the case.

Some many in my exp women behave in exactly the same way as some many if you believe the threads men in terms of really shitty behaviour online. What happened to common courtesy? Are we all so really busy, and so seemingly conflict-averse, to not say we've moved on?

There are decent people on there though. Met my DP on it and we've been together 4 very happy years, so persevere.

Thanks for responses, I suspect it isn't a gender issue, more that the online approach allows you a degree of safety without consequence.
We had a great time, I genuinely felt it could grow over time into something special which is why I was upset by it.
I sympathise with anyone this happens to as it really hurts your self esteem
I'll have to go back to old fashioned methods but it's tough working full time and being a single dad!

I'm really sorry that this happened. I don't know why some people are so damn cruel and insensitive.

It is an awful way to end something really. I don't understand it either. If you had a long conversation with a stranger at the bus stop you would end it with a bye. If you saw them the next day you would at least say hi. I think it reflects more about the person doing tje ghosting than you. Sorry tbis has happened to you. I agree it is really shitty.

Thanks everyone, will take heart this isn't just me then! I like the bus analogy.. or tbh anyone you interact with, my nan used to say manners cost nothing but now I just sound old fashioned!

Reminder to myself I mustn't get too involved next time

There's nothing wrong with old fashioned. Our world could use more of it.

Manners really do cost nothing. Also I just want to point out she didn't meet someone better, maybe better suited but not better. Anyway, she sounds like a right charmer so nothing lost!!

Ghosting and game playing is very common in dating. Just been discussed on a long running dating thread. I'll try to link...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2995139-The-Dating-Thread-120-Crazy-cat-folk-wannabes-Unite
Useful guide at the start and a great place to seek support with problems with OLD.

Or does seem a common occurance.
Not everyone is like that though.

OLD is fraught with perils and good old fashioned manners are rare I'm sorry to say. So many people hiding behind computers seem to lose compassion for their fellow daters.

For my sanity I have a few rules I stick to now as a result of bitter experience.

1. Don't, whatever you do don't, get sucked into the emotional bonding too quickly. Establish that your basic criteria are met (whatever they are) then arrange a date. Too many long messages, texts and phone calls before meeting tend to lead to disappointment.
2. Don't reply to "hi", "u r sexi" or a single smiley. Life's too short.
3. Don't wobble and drop your standards because you've seen nothing interesting in your inbox this week.
4. Don't chase up. If someone vanishes after a fab evening's messaging it's because they want to.
5. On line daters seem to be very unlucky. They lose phones, phones randomly don't charge, kids use phone so no charge, they fall off ladders at work and get food poisoning at a far higher rate than the rest of the population. if you hear one of the above excuses then just shout "next".
6. Until you have the 'exclusive' chat you're not exclusive.
7. Until you've mutually agreed to come off the dating sites you're not exclusive.
8. OLD is intense. Bonding and sex can be on fast forward compared to old school then there's nothing.
9. it's a numbers game. Always remember that.
10. Ghosting is par for the course these days I'm afraid. Real life or OLD.

There's a dating thread on Relationships so if you head over there you'll find guys and gals with plenty more tips and tricks for staying sane on OLD.

Good luck and don't give up! The good guys are outnumbered on OLD by utter twunts!!

Thank you Lana and BeenThere - great tips I'll follow in the future!
Good luck to others and hope people are successful finding their prince/princess charming!!