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Original poster

Dp's put on weight

43 replies

chamenanged30 · 12/08/2017 10:20

And I don't fancy him as a result. He's not overly tall, 5'9/10 and has a proper beer belly. As in when he's sat down, his tshirt rides up and his hairy belly pokes out.

Call me selfish, vain, love him for him etc etc but it's really putting me off him.

Oh and he's started sporting a crap hair do too. It looks shit.

He's 36. I don't know what replies I'm after but I needed to vent.

OP posts:
NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 12/08/2017 10:26

Does he go to the gym? Could you embark on a healthy eating plan together or go to the gym/running/cycling as a hobby for both of you?

Original poster
chamenanged30 · 12/08/2017 10:37

He goes for a run once a week. About 10k but his gut has always been there it's just got bigger and grosser. He's a serial snacker. Given the chance he'd live at McDonald's.

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 12/08/2017 10:41

How would you feel if he posted this about you?

Justwanttosay · 12/08/2017 10:41

He's still the same man you married !! You have to love him ...however large his belly gets ;-)

Don't worry about the hair ...he will be bald soon enough ...The only hair he will have will be out of his nostrils and ears ...

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2017 10:44

Loving and fancying are two different things. Can you get him to buy some new clothes that fit. Belly poking out ain't a good look.

Original poster
chamenanged30 · 12/08/2017 10:46

I love the guy! I just don't love the poking belly.

OP posts:
BabyG2015 · 12/08/2017 11:31

**He's still the same man you married !! You have to love him ...however large his belly gets ;-)
You really dont HAVE to love him at all...
Just tell him your both goung to change your lifestyle to a healthier one, and support him in that...
I told my husband this morning that i didnt want a porky husband...

Emboo19 · 12/08/2017 11:40

Its horribly vain of me, but I'd be the same OP!
We're only young and obviously I know we will both change as we get older, but being overweight I just know I wouldn't fancy him. Crap hairstyle if it's something he liked and chose, I could live with. If he's just getting it cut any old way, I'd maybe show him a few styles I liked on Pinterest.

God I sound awful, don't I! I'm really not vain......I put up with the beard (that I fell in love with) then back to no beard (which I then missed) a few tattoos I was a bit hmm about.
But I like tall and lean.

No advice though as I don't know what I'd actually do about it. Could you look at gym memberships together or something? And maybe get on a bit of healthy eating kick and ask him to help/support you.

LockedOutOfMN · 12/08/2017 11:46

Can you try to buy fewer snacks (and / or healthier snacks) as a family and perhaps eat larger, healthier meals that will fill him up? Agree with other posters' suggestions about encouraging him to exercise and buy better fitting clothes.

Let's hope he sees sense about the hair in his own time and changes it to something more flattering.

LoyaltyAndLobster · 12/08/2017 11:50

OP have you told him how you feel?

OliviaTheFox · 12/08/2017 11:54

Op I've thinking of writhing a similar post myself lately.
I feel like such a horrid person but he's got fat and I don't fancy him. The gut during sex is horrid on top of me.
But I love him still and haven't a clue how to tell him it's yuck.
I feel for you.

user1488575338 · 12/08/2017 11:55

Can he not go running more? Running is the best way to shift the extra pounds. If he stepped it up to 4 times a week and cut down on the snacks he would soon see a difference.

Emboo19 · 12/08/2017 12:00

Like Olivia says is it effecting you wanting to be intimate with him. If so I'd have to say something, no idea what though!!

I vow I'll never complain about my dp's gym visits and football playing, now though.

MsGameandWatching · 12/08/2017 12:03

How would you feel if he posted this about you?

I regularly see this argument on here. I would be gutted and I hope it would give the kick up the arse I needed to sort it out because deep down I knew it already.

LEMtheoriginal · 12/08/2017 12:06

"I love my wife but as she gets older her breasts aren't as taut and her belly is flabby, I just don't fancy her anymore" the wife would be told to ltb

No mention of health concerns as he seems fairly fit.

Are you perfect??

Emboo19 · 12/08/2017 12:11

"I love my wife but as she gets older her breasts aren't as taut and her belly is flabby, I just don't fancy her anymore" the wife would be told to ltb

I think it's different if it's due to being overweight or just general aging though. But yes, completely hypocritical as if dp had mentioned my stomach after I had dd I'd have ltb!!

PickAChew · 12/08/2017 12:14

If he's that out of condition, how does he even manage to run that far, just once a week?Confused

Original poster
chamenanged30 · 12/08/2017 12:18

I wouldn't let myself get that way. I know we change as we get older but I have self-control and if I don't like the reflection staring back at me, I bloody do something about it.

I don't want sex with him until he's lost weight.

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 12/08/2017 12:18

I think you need him to buck his ideas up. That would be off putting for many, seeing their partners, let themselves go.

GerardButlersBeard · 12/08/2017 12:24

I understand your point of view about the belly and weight. It does get in the way of a physical relationship both physically and mentally. That is if you prefer a man with a leaner body and we are all entitled to have different preferences. Bodily weight is not the same as other natural aging processes. It is connected to health too. I am placemarking...

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 12/08/2017 12:26

A beer belly is indicative of an unhealthy lifestyle. My DP put on weight. I love him to pieces but the truth is is that weight gain like that indicates poor health and diet which has to change. I only buy and cook healthy meals now (with the odd exception) and had to at first drag him out for runs with me but now he loves running. The fact is though is that you can't out-train a bad diet.

Emboo19 · 12/08/2017 12:27

Thinking about it I'd have to say something chamenanged and I think my dp would want me to. As he mentioned you not wanting sex?
I'd maybe focus on the eating healthier and mention that he has gained a fair bit of weight.

Yourarejokingme · 12/08/2017 13:58

I had this discussion with my husband and he took the huff with me saying I was fat too. I'm not but said we could start eating healthier together. He agreed but he was hiding he was snacking in the car which was frustrating to say the least as I was losing and he wasn't.
Fast forward a health scare and he's stopped snacking as much not stopped completely and lost a fair amount of weight.
All we did was walk nightly together for 25-60 minutes for exercise.
We also downloaded apps to keep an eye on what we where eating too which helped a lot for him and for me as I was in fact under eating he was over eating.

I would say politely your concerned as he risks
Stroke
Diabetes
Heart problems
Sexual dysfunction
Joint pain
To start with.

user1465893880 · 12/08/2017 14:33

Running is useless in shifting weight if he's eating a crap diet. He can run 10k each day and he'll still have a belly if he's not watching his diet.

He needs to calorie count. Download MyFitnessPal and have him track what he eats each day. Set a target to loose sight and stick with it.

If he can run 10k each week he must be in fairly good health so there is no reason to neglect his body.

He should be doing it for himself not for anyone else.

yetmorecrap · 12/08/2017 16:56

Does he drink a lot of beer too, it often creates manboobs . Thing is I'm not skinny at all indeed could do with losing a couple of stone, but have to be honest I don't like beer guts .