Dp's put on weight

[chamenanged30]

And I don't fancy him as a result. He's not overly tall, 5'9/10 and has a proper beer belly. As in when he's sat down, his tshirt rides up and his hairy belly pokes out.

Call me selfish, vain, love him for him etc etc but it's really putting me off him.

Oh and he's started sporting a crap hair do too. It looks shit.

He's 36. I don't know what replies I'm after but I needed to vent.

You'll have to tell him you've noticed he has gained a bit recently and he might need better fitting clothes if his belly keeps coming out. I don't fancy fat men either.

The hairy beer belly is a real turn off. I see men on the street like that and it looks gross.

It's also awful having a very heavy pot bellied man on top of you, considering men are usually heavier anyway.

Try and raise it from a health perspective, as it's a sensitive issue.

He's young to have a belly like that. Maybe approach it with him from a health angle? I read somewhere that 35inches is the healthy size for men (something like I that anyway) I don't think you are vain or horrible, just honest. It's not a good look on anyone.

My ex husband was similar. He ended up morbidly obese. People thought I was mean, but I would never have dated, or married, a morbidly obese man. There was also serious issues with his personal hygiene.

How are things in general op? I think some men believe that when they get married they don't have to make an effort anymore.

Could you buy a fitbit for both of you and act like you want him to help you..Men can be competitive so he might be up to a few challenes on there. If he can run 10km once he can do it a few times a week..lf ye have dc could you make going back to school a health kick time for the whole family. Men seem to gather weight in their gut and its a big turn off. Could you comment on a guy you know saying he would want to watch himself for a heart attack if he doesnt reduce that belly.
As for the hair l tell dh as its probably just a bad barber and he doesnt even notice. Say ..when that barber on high st does your hair be does a far better job.

I empathise. My wife has put loads of weight on and I don't fancy her either.

It's the lack of drive to do something about it that is the least appealing. Laziness for me is a very unnatractive trait and that's what she has become.

Why do people always confuse loving someone with fancying them.?
Two hugely different things.
Everyone has a 'type' and that 'type' can be fairly broad if you love them too. But if that type morphs into something utterly not your 'type' then you are not going to find them sexually attractive. Sex will become less interesting and issues will develop when you don't want to dtd. It can have a hugely detrimental effect on your marriage and some marriages don't make it.
Look at all the 'living in a sexless marriage' threads on here.
It's not as just putting on weight were this is a problem. Some people find fat very sexy. Others like twigs. For others it's hair colour/style/bald. All of us are different but it's something we have very little control over. We can't help what turns us on.

Love is entirely different. If you love someone it's unlikely that you would care about his belly or hairstyle if he (god forbid) had an accident or got really ill and could never have sex again. It would be entirely unimportant. And I'm sure that's how you feel. The problem is when someone appears not to care for themselves and WANT you to fancy them. To choose not to look after themselves is as though he is intentionally choosing not to make himself attractive for you.

I have to face facts that my belly was a contributing factor in the failure of my marriage, my wife simply didn't fancy me any more, combined with lack of self esteem/anxiety etc it must have made me tremendously un-sexy. But I'm not here to beat myself up, I'm working on moving on, thrown the sugar in the bin etc, started doing plank exercises, speed walking etc. That thing hanging off the front of me is going to be history, regardless of what my future personal life may bring.

I've become overweight. I'd want to crawl under a rock if I knew my DH thought this about me, let alone posted those thoughts on an internet forum. There are emotional reasons for my weight gain that DH has supported me through - but those reasons would not have caused a more 'together' or disciplined person to put in weight. I want to sort myself out in my own good time and not because DH does or doesn't fancy me.

Fair play to you. It's really important to some people that their partners find them attractive and fancy them. We are all different.

User1488575338 I am not suggesting for one moment that a change in body shape, be it from slim to fat or vice versa - would make your OH love you less. However it's highly likely he finds you less sexually attractive and will want less sex. (Or worst of all - find someone else sexually attractive - but that requires an additional moral dimension that many partners would never contemplate because the 'love an respect' aspect is strong)
People fail to remember basic physiology. Sexual attractiveness to ones mate is essential when we are sexually active. When sex is off the agenda, be that because of parental tiredness in early years of child rearing, (careful here though - as it's usually exhausted female and sexually active male) or illness /accident that stops sex temporarily/permanently. This is when love respect and nurturing will sustain a marriage. Until then, allowing yourself to become sexually unattractive to your spouse on the basis that 'S/he understands' is complacent at best and dangerous at worst.

If dp no longer fancied me because I was overweight I'd put myself on an intense gym programme. Part of being in a romantic relationship is making an effort for the other person to sustain attraction.

Kitten - I agree with you. It's always been important to me to look attractive to the man I'm with. I was trying to point that out to Jennifer but I can see how it looks like I was agreeing with her which is most definitely not the case!!

I don't agree with a pp that if you love someone you won't care if they put on weight. You would care for health reasons and no matter how much you love them as a person, attraction is still important. I also agree that the behaviour around the weight gain would put me off eg lack of activity and self-respect.

I was going to say laziness puts me off but thought I would get flamed for associating overweight with lazy. However when my ex put on weight after we married, I wasn't particularly bothered in terms of how he looked but he admitted after he lost the weight that he just gave up caring and let himself go for a while and that in itself was not atrractive.

He's an adult, so can decide for himself whether or not to make lifestyle changes for his health and looks.

Expressing your concern for his health would be fair enough. Telling him you no longer fancy him or don't think he's making enough effort to be sexually attractive to you would be harsh and unlikely to help.

Many people are overweight and making changes and losing weight can be very hard for all kinds of reasons.

Diet is 80% exercise 20%.

My dh has piled on weight and I'm the same. It's also a crap role model for my kids who are all slim and healthy ATM. I don't want them picking up 'sitting on the sofa eating a family bag of crisps drinking beer' as a normal every day activity. We have a huge problem with obesity and being fat/chunky/curvy seen as the norm though - how that will ever be reversed who knows?