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Original poster

Would this upset you?

45 replies

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 09/08/2017 20:22

Say you were watching a box set with your boyfriend and you were discussing which character you'd be. If you suggested a character and he said 'You can't be her, she's MUCH better looking than you.' Would you be hurt? Particularly if you weren't talking about looks but about the character?

OP posts:
Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 09/08/2017 20:23

This same man also said to a guy at a market stall 'Why don't you date her then?' Because I liked a film that boyfriend (Who hadn't seen it, dismissed as rubbish) and market stall man said he liked it.

OP posts:
Auchan · 09/08/2017 20:24

Yes I would be hurt. It's a very superficial comparison and I wouldn't appreciate the shallowness.

Pancakeflipper · 09/08/2017 20:25

If it was a one off comment I'd probably pull a face but I wouldn't be upset cos I know my OH is no Sam Seaborn.

If he constantly put me down I'd be getting pissed off with him and reviewing the situation.

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 09/08/2017 20:27

Yup this would upset me. He sounds like a dick.

Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 09/08/2017 20:27

Not that it matters, but I wouldn't say I was unattractive either. Not tv level obvs!
He also would always criticise my house and point out things that needed repairing and pull open cupboards to see the mess.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 09/08/2017 20:28

Nasty.

TheNaze73 · 09/08/2017 20:28

Depends on context & back story

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 09/08/2017 20:30

Just saw your last update. No idea why you would tolerate this from anyone.

Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 09/08/2017 20:31

He is. He would put me down constantly. I couldn't walk in a straight line, I was clumsy. Once we were watching a film together and I went to the toilet. When I came down, he sighed heavily and said he couldn't get comfortable with me there and so he'd go to bed. I offered to go to bed instead, even though I was watching the film and I went up and sobbed myself to sleep. He happily watched the rest of the film.

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Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 09/08/2017 20:32

I ended it eventually by the way. So you are probably wondering why the hell I'm posting this. I guess I feel really upset that I put up with this.

OP posts:
LoyaltyAndLobster · 09/08/2017 20:32

Yes it would.

Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 09/08/2017 20:33

I feel a bit traumatised. There's other stuff where he basically used me for sex towards the end and was dating other women with my knowledge. I feel really shell shocked. I don't know why it's all coming to the forefront now.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 09/08/2017 20:34

Yes, it would upset me. As I'm sure he'd be upset if reverse was the case.

You aren't still with him are you?

It doesn't sound as though he likes you that much TBH.

Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 09/08/2017 20:34

He told me he'd never treated anyone else like that. So I thought it was my fault. He said he was a nice man who'd been brought up to treat women with respect.

OP posts:
ChevalierTialys · 09/08/2017 20:35

Get it off your chest OP, you clearly need to.

He sounds like a twat. We're all duped by some twat or other at least once in our lives.

The thing to focus on is that you DID get rid, and now you never have to put up with that shit from him again.

MoonfaceAndSilky · 09/08/2017 20:35

I wouldn't waste another minute of your time thinking about him, you're well rid.

friendlessme · 09/08/2017 20:35

Sounds like he was an arse and you are much better off without him. Don't dwell, be pleased you had a lucky escape!

OrianaBanana · 09/08/2017 20:36

He's lying. I'm glad someone else is dealing with the douchebag and you can go on to brighter and better things. Flowers

Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 09/08/2017 20:36

God no he hated me. It ended a while ago. But why did he treat me like that. I feel like my self esteem is just on the floor. I'm with someone else now and it's very very different. I don't think I'd put up with that treatment now.
But I've been googling this man's ex wife and asking myself why I wasn't good enough and she was. He really truly loved her and he hated me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 09/08/2017 20:38

Thank you for the replies as well. I think I need to process it. I'm still angry at him and myself and I need to let that go.

OP posts:
ChevalierTialys · 09/08/2017 20:40

I bet he treated her the same, whatever he says.

Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 09/08/2017 20:41

She cited emotional abuse in the divorce. I remember chuckling at the time at how ridiculous that was. He was so lovely at the time.
I've just told my boyfriend how much I appreciate him.

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Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 09/08/2017 20:43

I've also just told my cat he is very handsome. He is. Better than any TV cats Wink

OP posts:
JK1773 · 09/08/2017 20:44

OP I put up with such shit for years. Lots of abusive nasty stuff. I am now with a lovely man too and I did as you're doing. My DP treats me so well I went through weeks or being unbearably angry and my ex but mostly myself for putting up with it for so long. These feelings will pass but in the meantime let it all out, it's therapeutic. He sounds bloody awful

JK1773 · 09/08/2017 20:45

*of being angry at my ex