I really need some advice

[DewDropsonKittens]

DH and I have been together a long time,
We have a great life, 2 lovely children.

However we have one issue, we've not had sex in 5 years since our youngest was conceived. My fault. Depression, weight issues, lack of drive and other factors really

Every year we've had an argument over it but never changes anything

Now. I feel he is becoming more impatient (i don't blame him) we had an argument a few weeks ago and i said i don't know why we don't but i never feel wanted or sexy etx anyway

Now we have a week with no children and i am getting a sense he is wanting something to happen

I feel so anxious i feel sick
I want to cry
I don't know what to do

Help???

Great post from Ginlovinglady

Your pro activity on confronting your issues will make a big difference in you DH's attitude towards this. If you're proactive then there's still hope, if you're not then you are giving out the message that you want the rest of your lives to be sexless and condemming him to celibacy.

I feel your pain. I struggled with this too early in my relationship with my dh due to my past. My dh supported me because I showed all the signs or wanting to change it despite not actually being able to at that point.

Totally agree with Gin

I was in your husband's shoes. Always patient, holding hands, cuddling, never argued, stopped initiating. After 5 years I left. I was 36. I was not ready to never have sex again.

Hi Everyone (that was kind )

I had some great advice and wanted to come let you know how things have gone.

I had a bit of a meltdown on Tuesday, but was able to talk about how i was feeling
We have had a nice week, then went out for a meal last night and spent time together

I made a big effort yesterday to talk and tell him how i am feeling and he understood my anxieties

Last night... We DTD it wasn't as scary as i thought it would be.
DH has also said he will get the snip so that it helps my anxiety around the trauma of having children.

Thank you for your kind words and advice

OMG that's amazing news OP! So glad you and your DH were able to talk about how you were feeling and that you then felt comfortable enough to give it a try after all this time. I hope this means your relationship goes back to being happy in all areas. Congratulations!

I'm really pleased that you have managed to overcome this first hurdle . Keep being loving and intimate though, I find it's a bit of a habit, the more sex, the more I feel like having sex. When it's been a while, I then can't seem to be bothered and it becomes more of an issue.

Yay really happy for you!

What a fabulous update. I'm so pleased for you both. It'll be difficult although the way but together you'll get there

That's great! Hope it all gets better from here on for you both.

Great update! Well done OP.

If you are on AD's for anxiety they can kill desire.

I was in a 6 yr relationship and barely had sex for the last 3yrs of it. I put it down to depression and my ex was so patient and understanding, but frustrated too. I felt so guilty as I he still loved me and supported me even though I didn't want sex with him, which made my depression worse.

In the end I realised that I just didn't fancy him sexually (someone had appeared in my life who I did fancy, much to my confusion).

If you know you still fancy him could you consider masturbating or using toys yourself (no need to tell him) and see if that helps get some desire going?

If you are on medication maybe that needs looking at too?

Good luck

bloody hell, it would help if I'd got through the whole thread before posting!!

so glad you've sorted things out OP x