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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband threatening my family..

45 replies

EasyToEatTiger · 07/08/2017 18:02

My husband has behaved appalllingly since he condoned the attack of my daughter on me. It was as though she was acting as his proxy and she told me I made her attack me, I thought oh bloody hell, those are the words of my husband.
When we got home, my husband verbally attacked me viciously, saying I deserved to be assaulted and that it was all my fault bla bla. He went to see a solicitor to try and make me move out of the house. I have had to engage a solicitor myself. I am not dealing with a reasonable person and today he asked me when I was moving. He has invented claims against me, and also today said he was going to tell my family all about what's going on. Basically start a fight. My family was going to come and stay, and I have told them emphatically NOT to come. I have arranged for them to stay with other family.

My husband had me arrested on spurious charges. He was building up the vitriol all evening. Were my family to be here, he would start a fight, call the police and try to get me or a member of my family arrested again.

My dad has already been through hell and high water with nutter child-in-laws, and he is a vulnerable old man with his own problems up to his eyeballs.

I am still waiting to make a video interview and am meeting with SS this week. It is all taking sooooo long....

OP posts:
sparklybuttired · 07/08/2017 18:06

Why did your daughter attach you and how did you retaliate ?

MrsDoylesTeabags · 07/08/2017 18:12

That's appaling Tiger How old is your daughter? Do you have other children? Are you separating form your husband?

BadHatter · 07/08/2017 18:12

What were you arrested for?

Original poster
EasyToEatTiger · 07/08/2017 18:29

I didn't retaliate. I was too shocked. My daughter is 12. She took photos of my injuries.

When I have raised the issue of separation or divorce my husband has launched nasty vicious attacks on me calling me a coward and useless etc etc. He is a control freak.

He had me arrested for common assault. He said I punched him. This is not true. I told the duty solicitor in the custody unit that I didn't think I did as my husband said. The police are investigating the behaviour of my husband. He is lying about my behaviour, without mentioning his appalling sexual behaviour and name calling, slating my friends and family. He called my daughter a psychopath in front of a child psychiatrist. She just responded that no, she isn't. And left it there.

Now my husband wants me to leave my home, and wants only to make my life hell.

He has a strange attitude towards money. He pays the household bills and I get to clean and cook. He spends freely and I wonder how we are supposed to afford it all, then he rages at me for not working. Not just a little bit cross, a full-on out-of-control rage. He berates the jobs I do get and tells me unequivically that I am a failure. Then he goes out to work and then he tells me he is retired and doesn't need to do anything.

I actually think he's a nutter.

OP posts:
Original poster
EasyToEatTiger · 07/08/2017 19:55

He actually looks like he's got something wrong with him. He hasn't noticed that I've cooked supper for him. He is vitriol impersonated.

OP posts:
Mumof56 · 07/08/2017 20:00

Why are you still there and cooking him supper? Confused

Have you anywhere else to go?

HeavenlyEyes · 07/08/2017 20:07

stop cooking for him. What do you mean by sexual behaviour? Have you reported everything he does to you to the police?

User02 · 07/08/2017 20:21

Whatever the situation with regards to the house, owned or rented, in his name alone, your name alone or jointly rented or owned I think you really need to get out of there. I am not sure if you daughter is the biological child of your husband. If she is you can leave her with him but if she is only your daughter you have to take her with you. You will have to be strong and stop your daughter mistreating you.
I dont like the sound of the "appalling sexual behaviour". The emotional and physical abuse is more than enough reason to leave.
Just leave

Original poster
EasyToEatTiger · 07/08/2017 20:23

I cook for the children. My solicitor is working on a legal order so we both have access to the kitchen but not at the same time. So that I don't have to clean up after him in the bathroom. I have asked my husband this already, but naturally he won't allow it. He is manipulating the children and I am in an impossible position.

I have nowhere else to go apart from a refuge. I have reported his sexual behaviour to the police. He hasn't touched me for over a year because I complained to him that I felt uncomfortable with his groping. He said it was affection. I begged to differ and I was in the wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
EasyToEatTiger · 07/08/2017 20:31

I have been told NOT to leave my home, unequivically by all the law people because that would mean I had somewhere else to go. I don't have anywhere else to go. My only option with the children is a refuge.

I have an IDVA representative and support from Womens' Aid. I also have a crime number for my husband.

OP posts:
Motoko · 07/08/2017 21:38

I'm sorry this is happening to you, but I don't understand why you haven't gone to a refuge. You can't stay there, he could kill you.

spunkymom22 · 07/08/2017 21:55

It really sounds to me like a refuge, with your children, would be your best bet. I do not understand a solicitor advising you to stay there. Have you discussed the refuge thoroughly with IDVA rep and Womens' Aid? I do not want to read about you in the papers....

Original poster
EasyToEatTiger · 08/08/2017 08:08

Yesterday my husband had a really crazed look in his eyes.

I have told my husband's daughter that we are getting divorced. I think in reality the children will have many more opportunities to see their father's side of the family and get to know them without him being there. He has kept his first children apart from us and in over 20 years, I know them less well than I would know someone I met at a bus stop.

The odd thing about sex is that he has always said he would never hurt me and that he would stop doing what he was doing if I wasn't comfortable. This is all very well and good when I am awake and conscious. He has not touched me for over a year because I told him I didn't like being wanked against when I was asleep. Not a good thing to wake up to.

He used to often wank, expecting me to be there. I just remember wondering what the hell to do. It is no joy to be used as a wanking accessory.

He also used to grope me when I was asleep, between my legs and my vagina. He called it affection. Dear Lord. I think in truth he'd prefer to use prostitutes as he told me he did with his first wife.

OP posts:
Original poster
EasyToEatTiger · 08/08/2017 10:11

My husband has kept me and my children succesfully isolated from his older children. It seems really odd not to know them at all after all this time. He has made it clear that he left his previous family for me, although the door was wide open and he'd been unfaithful to his previous wife for years.

OP posts:
Original poster
EasyToEatTiger · 08/08/2017 20:09

My husband asked me just now if my family were coming to stay. I said no, they weren't. I would love them to be able to stay, but I cannot have my husband winding up my dad, who will go into a full-on flap, and the whole thing would be terrible. I did not mention to my husband that he had threatened to tell them everything about me, which could only have the effect of upsetting everyone. As I have mentioned, my husband means harm. So this time, he is keeping me from seeing my family as I would like. As a normal family.

OP posts:
Neutrogena · 08/08/2017 20:55
Flowers Your DH sounds like a dangerous madman. Please do something protective.
BMW6 · 08/08/2017 21:09

Your and your children's safety should be the only consideration here - get to a refuge immediately then call the authorities.

Safety first - legalities later,

MamaHanji · 09/08/2017 07:25

I've read your previous threads too.

Get out. Get out. Get out.

Your husbands behaviour is truly awful and you are not safe. He is not a safe person to be around. You really really need to leave.

Ignore the solicitor. You and your children's safety is paramount. You need to leave now and sort out the rest once you are safe!

Please get yourself somewhere safe asap! Flowers

whattodowiththepoo · 09/08/2017 08:21

Sorry if I'm wrong but I thought you said on a previous thread that you had hit him?
I could be wrong so sorry if I am.

Neverknowing · 09/08/2017 08:30

I don't think he's above hurting your children physically to hurt you. Leave the house, it doesn't matter if you have to live in a refuge for the rest of your life and have no claim to the family home. He is going to hurt you or your children.
I'm sorry this is harsh but if he kills you what happens to your children?! They stay with him and he abuses them for the rest of their lives ? Please be smart op. The assets don't matter right now, your lives do. The trauma your children have already been through is enough and now your husband knows you're leaving he's going to hurt them more.
Leave. Now.

Original poster
EasyToEatTiger · 09/08/2017 17:01

Whattodowiththepoo, my husband said I punched him. This is not true. I went through it all with the duty solicitor at the police station and he told me that common assault can be any form of contact. It can be barging or elbowing. I said I don't remember punching him.

I am in close contact with the IVDA woman and I have a further contact with the refuge.

OP posts:
Original poster
EasyToEatTiger · 09/08/2017 22:37

I know he will pick on one of my dds if I am not here. He already has. Before that it was one of the dogs.

OP posts:
Silverthorn · 09/08/2017 22:46

This is all a bit confused and incoherant. You need to get your children safe if not for yourself. Gather your paperwork and go to your family or a refuge.

Original poster
EasyToEatTiger · 09/08/2017 22:49

My paperwork is locked in the safe. My husband has already locked me out of the filing cabinet out of sheer spite. He lurks around the house. The last time I tried to open the safe, i couldn't do it.

OP posts:
MamaHanji · 10/08/2017 07:42

If I was you, I would call the police and tell them to them you are trying to leave with the children due to his dangerous behaviour and he is stopping you for leaving!

You need to do it now. Forget the embarrassment of how your family will take it. You need to get out now, and if he is stopping you from leaving. You need to call the police!

Do it now!

Stay safe Flowers