Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Old links to Adultwork

6 replies

Hatethecountryside · 07/08/2017 08:07

I'm sure this may split opinions, but if you discovered your DP had previously joined the above site, but this was before you knew each other, what would you do?

When discovered, the information was that the account had been de-activated (although now it says "been deactivated by us & that you would have been contacted about this before it happened").

When asked about it, he said it was a long time ago and that he couldn't remember exactly when. He swore blind that he had never booked anyone (well he would). He said he "doesn't know why he joined".

My gut is saying 'get out' but wanted some other opinions

Thanks

OP posts:
ASqueakingInTheShrubbery · 07/08/2017 08:53

If you believe that it's all in the past, before you knew each other, I wouldn't give it any more headspace. My DH did things when he was younger that I absolutely wouldn't want in a partner, but the man he is at 45 is very different from the boy he was at 20.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 07/08/2017 08:54

If it was before I knew them I wouldn't think about it.

ShatnersWig · 07/08/2017 09:00

Doesn't mean he actually paid for sex with someone, even if it was from years ago. I would suspect that if the site deactivated the account that will probably have been because there was no activity on it after a certain time - ie, he wasn't actually booking prostitutes.

There are also - amazing what you learn from MN - women on AW who don't meet guys but do cam shows. Now to some people that's like stripping extra and wouldn't bother them, others it would.

CardsforKittens · 07/08/2017 09:37

Doesn't know why he joined? That sounds like a lie.

The truth would probably sound something like "I was lonely/horny/drunk and I joined to see what was out there and I made contact with someone / paid to watch someone / whatever. But I haven't been back to the site since (date) and they cancelled my membership."

Most guys lie when they're caught. Or they tell half the truth and then you find out the other half over the next few weeks. It's like they're following a script.

The question you need to think about is: where's your boundary? And will you accept being lied to about what's in the past?

Original poster
Hatethecountryside · 07/08/2017 13:02

Thanks to all who replied.

When I say a long time ago, it's within the past 9 years. We're both 50ish, so it wasn't something from his 'youth' (not that, that would make it acceptable).

Whether it's 'just' webcams, or viewing, it still leaves me with a feeling of disgust.

It's making me question his thoughts on how he really views women.

OP posts:
NurseButtercup · 07/08/2017 14:07

Have a look at the responses on this post very similar to yours:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2998386-Use-of-prostitutes-before-relationship

New posts on this thread. Refresh page