This might be a bit rambling and self indulgent but I am trying to work put how to even start with giving myself a kick in the right direction to sort myself out.
I have a dh who is a potentially ltb but I don't know how much of the problem is caused by me and how much of it is his.
I have loving parents who have it appears not equipped me to be well equipped emotionally!
My mum had severe pnd and was hospitalized because of it once when I was born and once when my db was born, I was cared for both times by my grandparents, I feel my parents were great I was loved etc. My mum admits she found it hard to show affection not that I remember this as a feature of my childhood although my dad always felt distant, however what I do remember is being brought up to not be able to do things oh don't try that you will fail, I was wrapped up in cotton wool, and when I did succeed at things it was and is now still met with surprise, nothing is or was expected of me.
I feel guilt towards my parents I have put them before my family, struggle to separate myself from them, I feel sort of indebted and this causes problems with my dh. Who has tried to support me being stuck as a little girl but as the years go on he has lost patience with it and no longer is a part of anything to do with my parents, I struggle to know how to put things right, and I clam up when he tries to address it, I feel bad towards my parents always like I am letting them down, how to I stop this and has it come from them and how on earth do I show my dh I want to stop it, I can't undo the past, I don't know how to move forward.
I don't want to be a big baby anymore.
If I can't sort that bit out I guess there's mot much hope of sorting out my other issues.