am i being cheated on?

[unknown12]

hello ladies a few things I want to get off my chest and maybe get some answers.
I have been with my partner for 9 years and we have 3 kids aged 4,5 & 6. everything was good between us up till the last few years. his started going out and drinking a lot. he has also got his phone on him constantly never letting it out of sight where as he just use to leave it lying about. also everytime I walk past him he locks his phone so I cant see what his looking at. He always deletes his search history as well and I know his on a few social media sights as I've looked up and found his profiles as I knew he was lying to me saying his not on any!! he also deletes his message and phone calls. a few nights now I have been going to bed and his says he will be in in a min but he sneaks in about 4-5 in the morning. He constantly put's me down saying I'm a shit gf, lousy cook, I could stand to lose some weight, he wants more than 1 gf. He also always seems to insult me when his family is around and they just laugh but when I accuse him of being unfaithful he says I'm paranoid and I'm only accusing him as I'm the one being unfaithful. some days we are good perfectly happy then the next day he just flips out calling me names getting my kids to misbehave and then saying I cant deal with them and I'm a shit mum. I am just confused. is he being unfaithful?
am I being unfair and needy?

He's a twat and you should kick him out and be with someone who deserves you. Cheating or not he's treating you like shit and you don't need your children seeing that. Get rid and find someone who will treat you with respect

He sounds like a complete idiot....you and your children deserve sooooo much better than that.....can you speak to your family to get some support. Whether he is or is not cheating his behaviour is pathetic...get rid of him asap

I think his unfaithfulness is the least of your worries

You have a very high tolerance for getting treated like shit

If I was you I would be pleased if someone's willing to take him off your hands, he sounds like a twat.

Been in a similar situ. Had similar remarks. Culminated in full blown emotional / financial abuse. At one point he was seeing 2 (that I knew of) other women. Please allow yourself the life that you deserve and get rid of the rat before things escalate further.

Get rid before you lose any self esteem you have left.

He's a dickhead

Why are you hanging around and allowing him to treat you this way?

Can I ask why your with someone who treats you this way? Being alone is surely better

ive told him to go and find someone else if his unhappy I'm not forcing him to be with me but it falls on death ears apart from when he says if he goes his taking the children. my self esteem is already gone I look at myself and hate myself.

Best way to get your self esteem back is to kick the fecker out. He's absolutely vile to you. Stop putting up with it and leave the bastard.

Cheating suspicions aside why are you putting up with his comments?

If you're that much of a lazy partner why hasn't he left?
If you're that much of a shit cook why doesn't he cook for himself?

Just because you've spent 9 years with him doesn't mean he can treat you how he does. Can you imagine spending another 9 years living like this?

It doesn't matter if he's cheating - he is being horrible to you, and life is too short to put up with it.
Is there somewhere that you and the DCs could go? If he won't leave, then maybe you could. Can you talk to family or friends?

Unknown12 - read back what you wrote. Now imagine your daughter or sister or best friend is saying those words to you. What would you tell her?

Now think about how your children are being affected. They see their Mum being abused and they WILL grow up thinking this is normal behaviour. Some may even start doing it to you and others.

Try to take a step back and be brave. Being on your own for a wee bit is a thousand times better than being with someone who makes you feel unworthy, unloved and wrong. Not to mention your children are being smeared by his ugly attitude.

Kick him out and take time to work on yourself and get your confidence back. You are not the person you were 9 years ago. You are someone stronger, smarter and more mature. Once you throw out your rubbish partner, you can find the real you!

My friend had the same scenario recently. Phone always on him, not coming to bed and staying up late, he'd go out for a pint of milk and stay 2 hours.

She found out he was sexting 5 other women and she's crushed.

What makes him think he can take the kids? Hasn't he heard of joint custody?
Is he a hands on dad?

You need to start standing up for yourself. If I was you next time he starts in front of his family..... Get tough... Ask if he'd like a stage as he thinks he's a stand up comedian and then walk away m

I can tell you that people treat you how you let them. Stop allowing it to

Leaving a relationship with three young kids isn't easy... So here's what I'd do.

• Ignore him.

-Start focusing on yourself -Socialise with your friends and family -Take up a hobby or interest to build up some independence and have an outlet.

Try mirroring his actions and see how that goes down. Keep your phone on your hip and shut it down when he walks past.

His family are just as bad. Next time they come round, go out and tell him you're not hanging around to be insulted.

Call him out on his behaviour every single time.

Dollars to donuts he's not going to be up for looking after a 4,5 and 6 year old. I know a man who tried this and his wife said "okay. I'll have the children on the weekends, as she could work overtime" ...

He got angry and accused her of being a terrible mother who was willing to leave her children behind. She called his bluff and suddenly he didn't want the children any more.

Even if he isn't cheating, the bloke sounds like an absolute bellend. Kick him out, you deserve better x

He won't take the kids

It would cramp his fucking about

i know I don't deserve to be treated like this but just don't know what to do!! I'm happy enough to be on my own he has already said if we break up the kids are gonna have a new mummy no1. he does insult me in front of the kids and they laugh they don't know any better. His also not a hands on dad I do and buy everything the kids needs. I have mirrored his actions told him not to insult me in front if his family but he just doesn't listen when we are not arguing we get on because we don't talk to each other. I also have no friends and I am only 26.how sad is that? my family cant really help I only have my mum and dad and they are in their 70's. :'( feel shitty and depressed everyday and only get out of bed for the sake of my children

Your children are being damaged by witnessing his abuse of you

If they find it "funny" they are normalising it and chances are they will perpetuate it in their own lives

Please ring Women's Aid and get some professional support

When you know he is going out put laxatives in his food ...hopefully he will shit himself...or get some itching powder and put in his pants...actually do both ....he will land up with a shitty itchy knob...sounds about right to me

Please read these signs of emotional abuse - it sounds as if he does a lot of them.

And please get some support. You could see your GP and ask about counselling. You could call Women's Aid on 0808 2000 247.

Getting real life support is the single most important thing you can do right now.

And as PPs have said, whether or not he's cheating is the least of your worries, but if infidelity would be the final straw for you, I kind of hope he is cheating and it spurs you on to end the relationship.

You will be so much happier without him.

That tells you all you need to know, OP.
You know what you have to do.

This was my thread from earlier why has it been copied on to here?