DM 'forces' gifts on me

[Hurraahhnaptime]

So my DM is always bringing gifts with her and making me have things she has bought. This sounds nice but it drives me crazy. An example would be me saying, in passing that i want to buy my own cushions for the sofa. She will then turn up with cushions. Or me saying I don't want a microwave. She bought one for my partners birthday anyway. Or offering gifts to pay for things in the house. She is a bit of a hoarder and bargain finder so finds textiles/ curtains cheap. One time I moved house and very clearly said on a few occasions that we are buying our own curtains. I was then asked to look through her spare curtains to pick some. I gave in to make life easier. It turns out they were brand new and she had taken off the labels to make it look like she had them for ages. I also get given lots of family objects that are 'precious'. I'm about to move house and I'm dreading what's coming. She has already casually asked me what i need for the house. I have said very clearly that i will be choosing my own items and want to decorate. I have to be so careful as if i mention anything she will turn up with it. I am really looking forward to this new chapter and want to decorate my first home how I please. Can anyone help me understand this behaviour and how best to deal with it? Anyone have a similar DM and understand how intrusive it feels?

My mother does this. It's usually not new stuff: just junk from her vast hoard of junk.

My husband HATES it. And it's got to the point when she turns up with her giant box of crap that I just very rudely tell her to take it back with her as I don't have time for a trip to the tip.

She's so thick skinned she doesn't care though and still does it.

Mine is like this! She used to be a lot worse.. parcels constantly arriving and getting in lots of debt. Now she just gets me and the kids a little thing each week and they're usually consumable (food, makeup etc) It's because she loves making people happy.. I have told her she doesn't need to buy us stuff so that we love her, we just want to see her! But she said she really enjoys it. If she started buying large items/plastic crap/expensive items all the time then I would tell her to stop because I have nowhere to put it (had to do this before) and she did stop to be fair.. I think giving her a practical reason why we don't want the stuff worked.

My mum does this with toys, and soap. I mean, we have liquid hand wash in all bathrooms, use shower gel, and have never expressed a longing for soap, but still it comes.
She likes to buy totally inappropriate toys. For example tiny miniature farm animals for a 3 month old who has just started putting things in his mouth... Or some balls to practice catching at 4 months (yes, she sat there throwing balls at my baby and telling me he was behind developmentally because he didn't catch them). Every time they visit us or we visit them we get a whole box of new toys.
It is so difficult because as others have said it's a control thing. The only improvement I have made is to direct her to naice toys and my favourite online retailers.

DM is like this. Except almost everything she brings is junk from car boot sales.
No we do not need another broken nutcracker.

I told her she didn't need to bring us stuff. She brought more. Then I asked her to stop bringing things for us because we didn't need anything and don t have room to store extras. She still brought more.

Now we just wait until she's gone and put almost everything into the bin with a few exceptions that go straight into a charity shop donation bag that we always have on the go.

I don't even look through the crap sometimes. It's not worth the time or emotional stress. If it's thrown straight in the bin then I can stay detached. I'm a total hoarder myself and its taken years for me to get to this point. I'm still chucking out rubbish she brought round 6 years ago, before I had the sense to ditch it immediately.

It's not your problem. It's hers. You don't have to absorb her emotional crap. I might be projecting a bit.

Gosh typing this out has been quite therapeutic. Sorry to harp on!

I am wondering if cuckoocuckooclock is actually my sister....

Actually no, my sister would swear a lot more and use a lot more !!!!!!!!!!!! all the time.

At least we can bitch about it to each other.

Who would you look horrible to?

Where are these judgemental hoards of important people?

Do you mean that your DM will say you are horrible and generally wail and moan until you submit to her controlling your space again?

Be horrible. Reclaim your space.

My PIL are like this. They live at the opposite and of the country to us and often send us things. Last month it was a massive moving style box full of tar
Cheap pounding toys that broke as soon as dc touched them, a lace table cloth that looked like it came from my grans. A hideous fruit bowl, bedding which was nothing like we like and loads of baby toiletries (we are expecting 3rd ds) which would have been useful but we don't really need 7 bottles of talc and we never use baby lotion. I returned every thing I could and told them straight if they want to buy things then we appreciate it but they could ask what we needed. They do it to guilt DH because they have a rocky relationship (to put it mildly). In the past they bought ds1 40 t-shirts which were not out taste at all. What makes it more annoying is they will then ring and say can you lend us £200 because we can't afford to pay the rent this month. We've had to put our foot down and say no as they were draining the money we are saving to move house.

airbiscuits I wish you were my sister. I'd love one to share the pain with. I have two brothers and of of course, they never get all this shit.

Aha...I have 2 brothers as well.

One of them avoided it by moving to New Zealand and the other avoided being gifted stuff by MOVING IN WITH HER. And now he lives among the piles of dust-gathering car boot sale and auction lot "bargains". We'll probably find him half eaten by weevils at some point.

@punkpuffin Sending you a massive box of tar sounds somewhat medieval!