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Original poster

Brother's gf upset about his ex keeping wedding photos up on FB

35 replies

AvocadoBathroom · 04/08/2017 11:26

My lovely brother has a great girlfriend - they've been together about 4 years, he split from his ex wife several years ago. It's all tickety boo, they've just got engaged and I like his new GF a lot, she's down to earth, fun, most importantly she really loves him and she's great with his daughter from his previous marriage.
His ex was... ok. But she was imo a bit vain and into herself. She was seeing another man & he walked away. She didn't stay with the affair. She's friends with me on FB because occasionally I work with her company - she's always superficially friendly and we grab a coffee sometimes at lunch, but we aren't friends outside of the one week every couple of months we have to work on a project.

Current girlfriend was here the other night when we had all the kids here for a sleepover, put the kids to bed and then we had a drink. She told me that she's been told by a friend that his ex has all their wedding photos and their honeymoon photos up on FB still. She knows I work with the ex sometimes and she asked me whether she should message the ex and ask her nicely to take them down as he is now going to be married to her. I wasn't sure about this as his ex is a bit defensive and I said I thought she would refuse and that she'd also maybe get a rise out of his current gf having to ask.
I kind of think she's better off just ignoring it, because she's the one who is marrying him now, it's a bit embarrassing for his ex to have those pics up still. What would you do? I've told her to leave it for now and that maybe the ex will get the hint and take them down after enough people have told her about the wedding.

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 04/08/2017 11:31

You can't tell someone what they can/can't have on Facebook!

LemonSqueezy0 · 04/08/2017 11:31

I'd definitely tell her to leave it. Especially if she can't actually see the pictures herself. The marriage (and it's demise) happened, regardless of whether or not the pictures are still up. She sounds nice, so hopefully this is just a temporary blip. Try to get her to see sense..

SerfTerf · 04/08/2017 11:32

Definitely don't give her the satisfaction of asking.

Msqueen33 · 04/08/2017 11:33

I'd say she needs to leave it. I understand why it would annoy her but from what you've said about his ex even if it was asked she probably wouldn't do it. Could you brother untag himself so he's not in them? Everyone comes with a past and it is annoying when it's splashed over social media but she's the one marrying your brother so she needs to try and let it go.

24HourPartyPerson · 04/08/2017 11:35

If she's vain she's probably leaving them there because she looks good in them rather than for any sentimental value.

abbsisspartacus · 04/08/2017 11:36

I didn't delete my photos off Facebook I don't share them but they are in my albums if people want to nose they can

VimFuego101 · 04/08/2017 11:42

I agree with you - she'll get a rise out of his new GF asking.

CheeseDreams · 04/08/2017 11:43

My finances ex wife still has their wedding pics on Facebook as well as pics of their life together.

I know it may feel strange but it's the past there is no point in pretending it didn't happen. For me I like to think that all he went through with his ex made him the man he is today and the man I love and I thank her for that. She's very different to me but they were together for 11 years and she is a big part of his history.

Can you brother un tag himself from them so it doesn't show up in his photos?

Tell her to ignore it, bringing it up will only made an issue of it and if they have a kid together (the ex and your db) it's nice that that child can see evidence of a time that her parents loved each other.

Facebook is a bloody nightmare for this kind of thing but I'd be lying if I didn't say I've not checked through Facebook at their wedding pics to make sure our wedding is very different!!!

CheeseDreams · 04/08/2017 11:45

*if I said, not 'if I didn't say'!!

lifeinthecountry · 04/08/2017 11:52

I took my wedding pics down when I divorced, but I have a close friend who has kept hers up because she says it's part of her history (and her children's history) and she doesn't see why she should pretend it didn't happen. I think both positions are equally valid.

Your brother's new GF has no right to ask for them to be removed if the ex wants to keep them up, even though I can understand it's annoying. Untagging is a good idea, if your brother is still tagged in them all. And he can do that without involving the ex.

Angelf1sh · 04/08/2017 11:53

I still have photos of me and exs on fb, not because I still care about them but because I can't be bothered trawling through and removing them. Plus, as others have said, those people happened to me and I can't rewrite that.

It sounds like the new gf is a bit overly sensitive but if so then that is her issue, it's not her place to police another woman's use of FB.

I'd ignore it and if asked again I'd say no and suggest she stops worrying about it because really it means nothing.

Mari50 · 04/08/2017 11:59

Gf is being a bit over sensitive, what on earth does it matter that his ex wife has photos of her own wedding on her own fb page? Removing the photos doesn't erase the fact that a wedding occurred.
I'd tell gf that she should just let it lie, it's none of her business and it has no effect on her relationship at all.
And no way will ex remove the photos, she'd probably put more up.

rockabillyruby82 · 04/08/2017 12:12

It's a bit embarrassing for his ex to have those pics up still
Mmmm, my wedding albums are still on facebook, I'm not embarrassed in the slightest.
As pp have said, they're her expensive photos and it's her profile. The fiance needs to get over it.

Original poster
AvocadoBathroom · 04/08/2017 12:22

LoveYouToTheMoon, yea I'm thinking that too! You can't really tell someone what they can have on their FB. Mari50, I think she'll do EXACTLY that, put up MORE pics! Oh God shouldn't laugh.

I took my wedding photos of me and my ex down because ultimately I think it looks like you haven't moved on if they are still up - but I keep the album in my kid's room for them. Seriously though I think his ex would be over the moon to get a message from her. I think she's just anxious about the wedding and this was a blip. I asked her who the friend was who told her about the pics and tbh this friend is a bit of a stirrer - a friend of the exes who is still friends with my brother. People love to make new brides feel insecure.
I'll mention to my brother to untag himself. I don't think they are FB friends.

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 04/08/2017 13:25

His new fiancée is being a bit of a tit.

Changedname3456 · 04/08/2017 13:49

You have to wonder where it would end. I mean, what if she still has pics of the wedding on her mantelpiece - will she want to pop round to ask her to remove them?!

Much better she ignores it. You can't build a life with a bunch of pixels on a social media site.

Changedname3456 · 04/08/2017 13:50

...unless you're a 501 scam conman that is!

MommaGee · 04/08/2017 13:55

They've been together 4 years but he only split with wife a few years back? Is there an overlap ex is pissed off about?
But no, she can't ask. Ignore and untag.

Anecdoche · 04/08/2017 14:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DorotheaBeale · 04/08/2017 14:04

we aren't friends outside of the one week every couple of months we have to work on a project.

It would be inappropriate and unprofessional, surely, to raise a personal matter when you are at work. Tell the gf she can't expect you to risk your working relationship with the ex, and with her company, for something that isn't even any of your business.

Original poster
AvocadoBathroom · 04/08/2017 14:18

MommaGee, they split before he met current gf - the ex was seeing another man. Dorothea, I agree with you but she hasn't asked me to do anything, she just asked me if I thought it was a good idea for her to contact her - and I said no because I think it would make it worse

OP posts:
RainbowsAndUnicorn · 04/08/2017 14:27

She must be very insecure. Maybe she needs to find a man with no past.

The ex doesn't have to erase her past just because his new girlfriend doesn't like it.

Ellisandra · 04/08/2017 14:29

She's being stupid.
Facebook photos from YEARS ago?
Does she want him to burn all albums too?
I think she should sort out what is driving this insecurity before she marries him.

And I totally fail to see why you even posted the stuff about liking GF more than XW. What's that got to do with the price of tea in China?

Underthemoonlight · 04/08/2017 14:37

I'm afraid she is unbeing unreasonable if it's from years ago I would imagine her friend would have to go back quite abit. Is there child in the pictures op?

Original poster
AvocadoBathroom · 04/08/2017 14:40

Ellisandra I agree. I sympathise with her insecurity - I think the friend who told her about the pics did it to undermine her otherwise why would she have mentioned it? I don't think his gf can see the pics.
I do like his gf - I'm not going to be the fan of a woman that two timed my brother am I? I think she's just having wedding anxiety tbh.

OP posts: