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Original poster

Opinion on situ with exH

52 replies

User2410 · 03/08/2017 16:32

So me and exH have been separated for a couple months properly. He's with OW moved in and all that. He has told me he has 2 weeks off holiday and has booked to go on a 'lads' holiday for one week out of the 2 . This was last week. I've just told him that I'm going away in the other week and if he wants to stay in my house to make it easier that's fine. He's come back and said he's not having the kids as he's away for 4 days in the other week he is off. Obviously with OW.
What can I do?! I'm f*ing fuming!!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 03/08/2017 16:41

Had he already agreed to have the DC?

ZestyMaximus · 03/08/2017 16:42

Change your week's holiday for a date that doesn't overlap with dates he's already told you that he's booked off for himself? I'm sorry you're obviously hurting from such a recent split but what he's actually doing during that second week isn't relevant.

ZestyMaximus · 03/08/2017 16:43

Yes, unless as Random says, he'd already agreed to have the children that week. Then that's his problem.

Original poster
User2410 · 03/08/2017 16:44

If he has 2 weeks off surely it makes sense and goes without saying that he has them for 1 of those weeks. I can only go away child free when he is off work.

OP posts:
SpartacusSaiman · 03/08/2017 16:44

Are you saying he agrees to have the kids the second week so you could go away?

And now he wont?

Shadow666 · 03/08/2017 16:44

Did you actually have a conversation about it or just decide that as he's off work he can look after the kids while you're on holiday?

You both need to have a discussion about holidays and childcare and decide things properly.

SpartacusSaiman · 03/08/2017 16:45

It doesnt go without saying. Unfortunately. It should, but in separation nothing goes without saying.

Original poster
User2410 · 03/08/2017 16:45

He didn't really agree to anything he just told me he had 2 weeks off and be was going away during one. This was only last week I've been trying to find out all week when his holiday actually starts and finishes but he's so difficult. So today uve just told him that I'll be going somewhere on his other week off and he's now told me he has plans during that time too.

OP posts:
Shadow666 · 03/08/2017 16:47

It doesn't really go without saying though, does it?

I know it's a crap situation but this isn't helping. You need a proper conversation about it for the kids sake.

Notreallyarsed · 03/08/2017 16:47

"It goes without saying"

It should go without saying OP, you're right. Unfortunately he sounds like a right wanker so has decided he has plans solely to fuck yours up.

AdelicaArundel · 03/08/2017 16:47

Really, guys?
A parent has two weeks holidays- has a week away with his buds and won't spend the second week with his children.

I think the OW is besides the point; he could be woodturning in Winchester or whatever. It doesn't really matter- he's not spending time with his children.

SpartacusSaiman · 03/08/2017 16:48

So you only told him today? And surprused he didnt have plans?

You are both being a bit daft. Yes he should be taking on half the school holiday childcarem but you cant assume anything nor drop 'i have a holiday in 2 days' on eachother at last minute.

You need formalised childcare arrangments.

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/08/2017 16:49

It's best if you agree dates by email as far in advance as possible and ask about trips either of you have planned IF you're expecting the other to have the children.

You don't say but if you're the resident parent then as shit as it is, he's going to assume you have them anytime he hasn't said he wants them.

When you were together you'd presumably have discussed either of you going away to make sure plans didn't clash. The same applies now.

I agree that it doesn't go without saying.

Shadow666 · 03/08/2017 16:49

Yes, of course he should spend time with his kids but it shouldn't be handled like this. They need a proper arrangement not assumptions and arguments.

QuiteLikely5 · 03/08/2017 16:49

I'd twist his arm and say if he wants to see his kids he needs to hire a lawyer!

Has he been seeing the regularly since he left?

Original poster
User2410 · 03/08/2017 16:51

I mean the fact he could be spending it with OW is hurtful to me personally but also hurtful that he would rather spend it with her than his children. I never get a Break he comes and goes for a couple of days out of the week sometimes. He stays with OW so can't have them overnight. I did think he would have them on that other week. Because I'm an idiot.
He's now saying he's going to try and get over time on the other week he has off. I just don't know where I stand or what to do nothing is ever organised because he's so awkward.

OP posts:
ZestyMaximus · 03/08/2017 16:51

I can only go away child free when he is off work.

Unfortunately, this is no longer his problem. You can't tell (or assume in this case) that his holiday is available for your convenience.

Of course, he may well have assumed that you would have the dc whilst he was on holiday himself, which would be equally wrong. If you'd said no to having them during his lad's holiday because you had other plans yourself, surely you would consider this to be his problem, not yours?

Shadow666 · 03/08/2017 16:53

That's why you need a proper visitation arrangement so he can't be awkward like this. Get something official in writing so he doesn't just see them when he feels like it.

Notreallyarsed · 03/08/2017 16:54

Because I'm an idiot

I don't think you're an idiot OP, it's a reasonable assumption to think a father might want to spend some time with his children. I think he's a fucking idiot for not doing it.

jeaux90 · 03/08/2017 16:55

You need an agreed contact plan in place for term time and holidays. It being informal is not going to work.

Original poster
User2410 · 03/08/2017 17:00

How?! How can u make childcare arrangements with someone like this. Sometimes I want to tell him not to bother ever seeing them because everything is always on his terms and he gets away with it because I am the resident parent and he uses his job as an excuse. He lets me know his days off a few days in advance. I can't make him tell me. Unless I went to see a lawyer. He's a policeman so he works shifts, is late picking them up, cancels ext because his shift runs over or he's tired. I work nights and shifts and he doesn't help atall because he needs his sleep.
If I said I was busy on the week hed booked his lads hols he'd have laughed in my face.

OP posts:
noego · 03/08/2017 17:06

OW pulling his strings here and he is dancing like the puppet he is.

Shadow666 · 03/08/2017 17:06

Then see a lawyer, get a proper arrangement in place. This isn't good for you or the kids.

Notreallyarsed · 03/08/2017 17:08

You have been left with no option other than to take it to court then OP. He knows he has all the power in this situation and is abusing it to suit himself. A court order would lay things out so you and the kids know where you stand. Consistency and stability are crucial for kids, he can't just drop them when it suits him.

noego · 03/08/2017 17:09

I can hear OW now. You've had a week away with the lads and now you want a week with your kids stopping in your ex's house. Over my dead body Mr.
Oh yes the grass is greener on the other side........

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