NC for this as friends know my user name and I haven't spoken to anyone about this issue yet.
So it transpired that last year DH had a Tinder account (discovered from it still being a 'connected app' in Facebook). He claims it was for around six months and the motive was because he felt he wasn't getting enough affection when our DC was born and it gave him low self esteem. He says that he never met up with anyone from it and hasn't been unfaithful, he says a few of his friends were on it using it to build their confidence from 'swipes', and that's what he used it for. I was shocked to discover this, don't get me wrong I knew he had a hard time adjusting to becoming a father and could be resentful that my attention was now on the baby but as he started to really throw himself into his work (and it is high pressured, long hours) I assumed he'd channeled his focus into that whilst I took on the role of housewife/mum, and perhaps was a little bit of the more traditional 'women look after the children and home' attitude that his DF also seems to have.
I've been really hurt by this and I'm still really struggling to deal with it, I feel hurt that at what should be such a lovely time for a new family he detached himself and started considering other options. I really do feel like these actions were being unfaithful, the story about self esteem boosting from swipes doesn't make sense to me. DH is quite dismissive and wants me to forget about it, he says ultimately he didn't leave and isn't going to so that is that. But to be honest I don't know how to deal with it to move on from it, particularly now DC is getting to the age where, had this not all come to light, we said we would be trying for number two.
Should I deal with this in the same way as infidelity, maybe look at counselling? If there are any 'moved on from Tindergate' success stories too that would be great, to see light at the end of the tunnel so to speak! At the moment my head is everywhere going back in time trying to figure out where I went wrong.