Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Crush on a colleague - mutual?

43 replies

TheWhompingWillow · 03/08/2017 13:18

I don't really know what to do with myself as I have a huge consuming crush on a colleague at work and I think he feels the same, but I'm not available (although he is). I'm not married but I am in a committed relationship with a young child, and we own a home together.

I have always thought he was a physically attractive man; not my usual type but something about him really got me hot under the collar. He was asked to train me when I returned to work from maternity leave. I thought he was very professional, very smart (and I like a smart man), and hardworking; these are all qualities I like in a person, so I looked up to him.

As time went on, we became friends. We only see each other a couple of times a week, but we have really good banter and a good laugh. There's a few others in our team that we get on with and we all have a good laugh.

I just remember one time we hadn't seen each other for a few weeks due to us both having holiday, and when we saw each other again, there was this instant smile that spread across each others face and a lingering stare. That, coupled with me noticing that I started to favour sitting with him and talking to him. That's what made me realise that it was becoming a bit of a crush under my nose.

Recently we've not been able to sit in our usual group of work friends for several reasons. But we both make the effort to sit next to each other, he even said one time if he couldn't get a seat with me at the beginning of his shift he'd move in his lunch break to sit with me.

We always bring each other tea and coffee without asking; it's just become a thing.

I had a week off recently and he said, in front of others, that he was so happy to see me back and that he had missed me when I wasn't there. I could see one of my female colleagues smile and wink as she has been telling me for a while she's convinced he has a crush on me. But he then went on to say I'm his friend and that's why he missed me.

Out of the blue, on my return to work, he came over to me and asked me if I was going to an event. I had been thinking of going on my own anyway as it was an event I've always been keen to go to. When I said yes, he said he is also going and asked if I'd like to meet up. And it may be my imagination but I thought I saw a little smile on his face when I later said I would give him my number so if there was any problems meeting up on Saturday we could get in touch with each other easily.

This is heading in dangerous territory isn't it. I do intend to keep it as friends even though I am convinced that he harbours secret feelings (whatveer those feelings may be) for me. He has mentioned before that he stopped dating another girl when he found out she was being insincere and he was the other man, and we spoke about how that morally does not sit right with us; and he knows I'm taken and have a child so I really don't think he wants to act on it. So it's either that he wants to hang out as friends as he genuinely sees a good friendship between us that he would like to take beyond work (and I feel that would be a good thing) OR although he knows nothing can ever happen, he just wants to spend more time with me because he has a little crush on me.

OP posts:
noego · 03/08/2017 13:23

And when you told your DP about this friendship he said..............

Original poster
TheWhompingWillow · 03/08/2017 13:29

Well I should say at this stage that we have only been friends in work an d my partner knows about the banter we all have at work as I tell him about it. I did tell my partner that my friend from work thinks another colleague has a crush on me, as deep down I believed it and didn't want it to become something else, and we have had several jokes within our relationship about "my fancy man"

OP posts:
Maverick66 · 03/08/2017 13:33

If this was your dp writing this post how would you see it?
Acceptable behaviour?
Dangerous?
Betrayal?

mylittlepony6 · 03/08/2017 13:38

Don't do anything! You are right, it is dangerous territory. You will just get more and more embroiled into this situation. Stop it now, it's a self preservation thing. You can't be friends with someone you fancy.......you just can't

AreWeThereYet000 · 03/08/2017 13:38

Will this event include alcohol? It could get very messy if either of you have too much.

Not saying everyone can't control themselves after a few to drink but it sounds like your feelings are more than a little crush.

Original poster
TheWhompingWillow · 03/08/2017 13:40

It's a very public daytime thing, there won't be any alcohol

OP posts:
maras2 · 03/08/2017 13:40

Enough with the 'banter' It's a cheaters term for foreplay.
Cop on and have a word with yourself.
You know exactly where you want to take this so pack it in now and have some respect for your DP and child.
In other words you are not in a Mills and Boon novel so grow up.

Adora10 · 03/08/2017 13:41

You both sound about 14, secret smiles, only tea and coffee for each other, bagging seats next to each other; sorry OP, all highly inappropriate and yes, tell your husband, see how he likes it.

Botanicbaby · 03/08/2017 13:41

oh dear. I think you are both behaving badly here and its not heading into dangerous territory, it already is there.

Think of your partner and how you'd like it if he'd written your post.

Also could it be that work colleague was 'sounding you out' about whether you'd be amenable to him being the 'other man'. You sound like you have a major crush on him, not the other way round to be fair. He could just be opportunistic.

Adora10 · 03/08/2017 13:42

Sorry, your LTP.

mylittlepony6 · 03/08/2017 13:50

You are on a path. It is not going to end well. Which ending do you forsee? Get off the path

Barbaro · 03/08/2017 15:29

Would you be happy if your husband had a woman friend he was doing all of this with and who had a crush on him?

Nope? Didn't think so. Maybe rethink this.

Original poster
TheWhompingWillow · 03/08/2017 15:35

What makes you say it's more than a crush? I wouldn't describe it as love; I guess it's just night to be desired and I enjoy chatting to him.

I wouldn't say I've behaved reprehensibly as we are at the end of the day only work colleagues having a chatting and getting tea for each other!

OP posts:
Original poster
TheWhompingWillow · 03/08/2017 15:35

*nice

OP posts:
Onthemove2 · 03/08/2017 16:08

I would hate to be one of your colleagues. It's awful to watch when an affair is brewing. Fine if all parties are free of course but uncomfortable otherwise.

AnyFucker · 03/08/2017 16:10

I should think the enforced separation of school holidays will sort this one out

fuzzywuzzy · 03/08/2017 16:14

You're trying to get us to tell you it's absolutely fine to have an affair. That's what you're doing here.

Makes my skin crawl when I read how you discussed how affairs do not sit morally right with you. Has a holier than thou ring to it.

You're headed towards the 'we never meant to have an affair we just fell in love altho we tried to fight it...blah blah blah'

It's a horrible and sordid and you're going to rip your family apart if you keep down this road.

FanjoForTheMammaries · 03/08/2017 16:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nina2b · 03/08/2017 16:15

You are indulging in mentionitis here. Many people have read this sort of self-indulgent stuff before and will not be impressed. It's immature and frankly childish to behave in this way.

FanjoForTheMammaries · 03/08/2017 16:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nina2b · 03/08/2017 16:17

Having a chatting? Well, never heard it. Alex that before. Hmm

nina2b · 03/08/2017 16:18

And again:

Having a chatting? Well, never heard it called that before.Hmm

maras2 · 03/08/2017 16:18

Bollocks are you just chatting over cups of tea that you make for each other.Christ! it's like you're playing house.
Lust lights up your OP and if I get that from a page on t'interweb,imagine how your colleagues must be cringeing.Envy (that's bleurgh not envy).
Give it up now before it ends in tears.

nina2b · 03/08/2017 16:18

I think he sounds a bit creepy.

Collidascope · 03/08/2017 16:24

What are you actually asking, OP? This reads like my diary when I was about 13. It's more like you're enjoying listing all the things he's done which prove he fancies you. Apologies if that isn't how you meant it. Do you want advice on backing off? Losing the attraction and becoming friends? On how not to have an affair?