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Relationships

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Original poster

What constitutes a "normal" & "healthy" sex life?

55 replies

fireflyfairy2 · 27/03/2007 23:15

IE: it could be "normal" for me to eat take-away 7 days a week, but it's not "healthy"

What is normal for someone is not normal for others.

And just because some people have sex every day, is this healthy too?

Or is it an unnatural compulsion?

Do those that have sex every day have a better relationship that those who have sex once a week??

Merely wondering.....

OP posts:

recoveringmum · 28/03/2007 10:34

the more sex the healhtier. what happens in your brain when you orgasm has a profound effect on your mind body and spirit. so the more the better

KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 28/03/2007 10:35

a healthy sex life is both parties engaging in what they concider to be good sex, as many times as they want to during the course of whatever amount of time and both being satisfied

Flamesparrow · 28/03/2007 15:52

Been thinkin about this... i don't think I have faked... I have on the other hand said that we might as well stop cos it ain't gonna happen

FioFio · 28/03/2007 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FioFio · 28/03/2007 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

littleEasterlapin · 28/03/2007 15:55

Cor we were like rabbits when we first met... parenthood and knackeredness has taken its toll

Iklboo · 28/03/2007 16:08

Def one where you're both happy

tigerschick · 28/03/2007 16:30

I think Notquitecockney has a good point here - how do we know that people in surveys tell the truth about these things? It isn't wise to compare with others, true or not, just what both parties are happy with.

NotQuiteCockney · 28/03/2007 19:44

Well, the problem with surveys and stats on these things is not just the lying. (I'd like to think researchers find ways to avoid the lies ...)

Imagine there is an island, with 10 couples on it. 9 of these couples have tiny babies and never ever have sex. The tenth couple have no television or hobbies, and have sex three times a day.

This means the average number of times people have sex on this island is just over 2 times per week. Statistics, eh?

NotQuiteCockney · 28/03/2007 19:48

I do think that having sex more often, as long as nobody's being pressured/badgered/guilted into it, is better for a relationship. If your husband burns the toast, or leaves his pants on the floor, you just don't care, if the sex is good. Without sex, you're much more likely to sweat the little stuff.

PurpleLostPrincess · 28/03/2007 22:39

I agree that its all relative and that as long as both people in the relationship are happy, there isn't really a 'normal'!

We actually have phases - sometimes we're at it like rabbits (even after 4 years of marriage) and sometimes we can go a few weeks in between 'sessions' depending on whether the kids have been to their Dad's or not (I've remarried).

For me personally, I find it difficult when we do have dry patches, mainly because we connect to such a degree when we do it and I miss it. Having said that, we don't need to have a physical session in order to feel close. If we have had a disagreement, we do like to make up, partly because its a way for us to feel close again. Other times, we just feel horny!

Its all swings and roundabouts really but I can understand your fascination. When we got married, I was interested to know what 'the norm' was because as far as I was concerned, my new hubby is Superman and I wanted to gloat about it. However now, it really doesn't matter what other people think or what they get up to - we are happy with each other. (just for the record, he is amazing lol!).

PurpleLostPrincess · 28/03/2007 22:40

Saying that, we're having a baby and things could all change when it arrives lol!

madamez · 28/03/2007 23:47

Well, as other people have said, "healthy" sex life is one where all the participants are reasonably happy with what's occurring. As to normal, well who gives a sh*t? If you and your DP like to do it with the lights on, with other people at the local swingers club once a month or only ever on your respective birthdays, it's fine as long as it's fine by all concerned.

As to how many times this can be a bit sort of mechanistic and irrelevant as a way of looking at sex. Do you count it as one "time" or two if you stop for a pizza then drop the empty box and get stuck back into each other, for instance? Or what if one of you has an orgasm and the other one/one of the other participants doesn't? Or if you are doing naked things involving some contact of erogenous zones but no one actually gets as far as having an orgasm, does that count as one "time" or half a "time"?
BTW, if one were to believe even half the statistics about sexual behaviour, a "normal" sex life would be one the person having it wishes were better, because the majority of people always want soemthing different than what they are acutally getting sexually...

lazyemma · 29/03/2007 08:50

I don't think more sex necessarily = a better relationship. Some people just have low sex drives, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with them.

lazyanna · 29/03/2007 11:43

"I don't think more sex necessarily = a better relationship"

Damn Right!

madamez · 29/03/2007 12:49

Lazyemma, it's not having a high or low sex drive that can be a problem, it's when you and your partner/s have seriously mismatched sex drives (ie one wants it every week and the other would be happy with once a year) - one or both of you is going to have to compromise to an extent.

lazyemma · 29/03/2007 15:11

madamez - I get that, I was responding to NotQuiteCockney's suggestion that having sex more often is better for a relationship.

NotQuiteCockney · 29/03/2007 19:55

True, people's sex drives vary quite a bit. I don't think people should have sex more than they want to, I don't think that would be good for a relationship.

madamez · 29/03/2007 20:44

NQC: so what do you reckon is best to do in a case of wildly mismatched appetites. Obviously it's not a good thing for a person to have sex when they don't want to, but it's not a great thing for a person who wants sex to be deprived of it. Of course, a thoughtful, civilised, morally upright person wouldn't dream of forcing a reluctant partner to have sex, or even complaining about a lack of sex, but it's a pretty miserable state of affairs for the sex-hungry partner. Not meaning you particularly, but I do find a rather tiresome tendency among some people to regard sexual appetite as somehow 'bad' ie the less sex you want the better a person you are.

NadineBaggott · 29/03/2007 20:49

whatever you're both happy with

morningpaper · 29/03/2007 20:55

Just as well you hadnt discovered babyworld by that point flamey
Just imagine your ticker........

VeniVidiVickiQV

NotQuiteCockney · 29/03/2007 20:55

I think for couples with wildly mismatched sex drives there are a couple of options ...

both partners need to be honest about how they feel and what they want
obviously the person with the stronger drive (SD) will be better off masturbating more
if there are things that SD can do for the person with the weaker drive (WD) to make them more likely to want to have sex, then they'd be wise doing those things.
if there are activities that work for the SD person without annoying the WD person (e.g. cuddling while SD wanks, oral sex, whatever), then those are worth considering.

To some extent, different sex drives are not much different from any other relationship difference, imo. With honesty, and flexibility you can work around these things.

madamez · 29/03/2007 21:16

NQC: all good points. Opening the relationship up is another possibility, of course...

Tortington · 29/03/2007 21:20

i'm sick of askin', i go bed by miself latley.

Original poster

fireflyfairy2 · 30/03/2007 12:55

NQC.. I can't help admiring your outright approach in your last post, & cringing all at the same time..

I think there may be a 1950's prude trapped in my body.

But, opening up the relationship.. I don't think I could do that. Could any of you?

BTW,my sex life is fine, it was just a general query..

OP posts:

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