To think MIL should host Christmas at her house?

[Snowballs0]

DH and I live abroad. We are coming back to the UK this Christmas to see family and friends. We have been away for 4 years. DH's family and my family live in the same city.

DH's little brother and his family live a 2.5 hour drive away from our city, yet MIL wants to go to BIL's house for Christmas this year.

I think that PIL should host Christmas in our home city (and BIL's family to come down and stay with them) as that way, everyone gets to see everyone, and DH and I can spend time with both our sets of parents on Christmas day?

As it is, MIL wants DH to go up to BIL's house and spend Christmas with them but if I go with them, it means I won't get to see my parents on Christmas day - which ruins the whole point of us flying back for Christmas! And if just DH goes, then we will be apart for Christmas.

This is in Relationships as I'm feeling too delicate for AIBU

OP you imply that this could be your DM last Christmas. I assume you will get the chance of many more Christmases with DH, surely it's a no brainer that you spend Christmas Day with your DM, and DH does whatever he wants to do? Why is this a problem as a one off, given the situation you have described? DH may well decide to spend the time with your family and see his DM when she returns from BILS. If he doesn't, are you incapable of enjoying Christmas without him?

I feel like I am missing something on this thread

How dramatic!
People don't have to host Xmas just because you deign to visit. Accept any invitations that you want to with grace and decline the others.

You cannot force anyone to host, or change their plans because you say so. You can wish they'd do something different, but ultimately the only things you can control are your own plans.

You need DH on side to say he'll support you in spending one day at your parents, and seeing his side Boxing Day or whatever.

If he won't speak with his family to facilitate it, then you'll need to choose - travel or spending it alone.

Don't blame MIL until you've sorted with DH.

Why don´t you offer to go all the cooking at everyone comes to MiL´s house?

That's weird, I get what you mean - it's almost like she's deliberately not accommodating you by cooking at bil. I don't think there is any way she can expect you to travel to her given that she is removing herself from the area you are visiting where she usually lives!

You and your husband should spend Christmas Day with your parents, then travel to BIL's on Boxing Day. Your husband should be more accommodating about your mum being unwell and you need to be more accommodating about not pressuring others to host you when they don't want to.

Also, Christmas plans in august?

Is she expecting you to go to BIL's house?

PushingThru - I was thinking the same as you. We are only a day or two into August and already Christmas plans are causing rows. Last year I was going to do something radically different from the usual Christmas but I relented and accepted with an invitation. There was a bit of a problem so this year I hope to have the courage to have my radically different Christmas

Well pushing - if flights need to be booked, then it's best to arrange those now.

But MIL should be able to be flexible at this point!

OP, I would go with saying your default position is that you will be spending the day with your parents in your home town as your mum is ill. If MIL is in town, then you will come to hers for the evening, but aren't up for a 2.5 hour drive after lunch, so would she like to see you and DH on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day?

Make it her choice, perhaps get DH to message his brother to say you'll be at your mums and if he's going to be at their mums then you'll see him Christmas Day, if not, will he be coming over on Boxing Day? Present it to his brother that you aren't certain their plans are set in stone yet.

You might find that their plans become more flexible when offered those choices.