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Original poster

New DP is a flirt. I am worried.

54 replies

Crappyatnames · 01/08/2017 20:20

11 year relationship with ExDH ended last year. For a couple of months now I have been seeing a friend from work, he is lovely, makes me laugh, affectionate, caring, kind, thoughtful, I really enjoy spending time with him and think i've fallen for him. He is a flirt, has numerous female friends, very huggy, flattering, sends them kisses in texts, he clearly adores women and enjoys their company. This is one of the things that attracted me to him, my ex never paid me attention full stop - they are the complete polar opposite. Although my ex never paid me attention, he also never flirted, or talked about 'hot' women in my presence - he was safe, but it was dull. New guy's flirting is part of his personality, but I cant help feel that I am taking a risk moving forward with him. Why am I so scared? Anyone else's partner a flirt? I overheard him on a work night out last week discussing the new office girl being 'hot' ....I am a bit hurt by this still, seen as he says he has fallen for me, I am amazing etc etc.....Was he out of order? Am I too sensitive? this is all new for me. ExDH was emotionless.

OP posts:
user1488545772 · 01/08/2017 21:01

🌺 to Op

TwoBusyCnuts · 01/08/2017 21:04

Dick. He a dick.
Run.

user1488545772 · 01/08/2017 21:06

Run for the hills! And don't look back

tadpole73 · 01/08/2017 21:35

Sounds like he's an attention seeker and with someone like that, they will
continually be looking for admiration off women. I was with a safe "dull" guy and split to be with someone I considered fun loving, sociable, chatty - biggest mistake of my life. He's turned out to be a narcissist - one of the worst the Relate Counsellor confirmed, always checking out women, texting female colleagues, flirting with shop assistants etc. I didn't see it until I married him 2 years later. Big mistake. It will kill you and your soul, trust me, get out.

Cheekyfbs · 01/08/2017 21:37

I think some men should literally wear labels - Please stay away from this man.

My ex is with someone new but he's still commenting and liking the same girls' photos he was liking when we were together, writing things like "why are you not mine?" "When can I take you out?" As well as the normal "gorgeous" and "beautiful"s. His excuses, when he was with me, were "I just want her to feel good about herself/my friend dumped her and I feel sorry for her/she's my friend's girlfriend so it doesn't mean anything/we went to school together, I've known her for years." Wonder what he's telling her! Who, by the way... he went to school with and he's known for years... 😂

Anyway, going off topic slightly but yes, I'd never trust a very flirty man again!

Emboo19 · 01/08/2017 21:56

Flirting and saying someone's hot, in a passing comment/friendly way, I'm ok with. I'm pretty confident and secure in myself though and not a naturally jealous person.

The comments about his ex's, I wouldn't be. He chose them, dated them and hopefully cared for them if not loved them. Yet they break up and are then crazy, jealous etc! I wonder if they were amazing...etc.... when he was dating them.
I think how someone treats/talks about their ex's, says more about them than the ex.

Tiredbutnotyetretired · 01/08/2017 22:31

Too right emboo19

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 01/08/2017 22:56

Trust your gut. It won't get better.

MistressDeeCee · 02/08/2017 00:23

He is a flirt, has numerous female friends

Nope, I could never be interested in a man like this. I don't care about all the cool explanations re it being ok for a man to have women friends pick me harem . Men like that thrive on female attention and validation and I don't see whats attractive about that really, not to mention potential of way too much hassle in relationship it must be like having loads of others in your personal business. Nope.

SandyY2K · 02/08/2017 00:41

Stick to being friends with him. A relationship will lead to heartache.

HelenaDove · 02/08/2017 01:23

When someone tells you who they are..........listen.

Maya Angelou.

oldlaundbooth · 02/08/2017 01:28

As above.

Atenco · 02/08/2017 01:46

I have male friends who have a lot of female friends and I have once heard them refer to a woman as "hot". I think you've made the common mistake of thinking that if he is the polar opposite of your ex he will be a lot better. This one isn't for keeping.

Neutrogena · 02/08/2017 06:06

If you're not very confident about your own sex appeal, run for the hills.

YellowAardvark · 02/08/2017 07:08

I'd be worried about these female friends being secretly into him and him thriving on that which isn't very nice at all

category12 · 02/08/2017 07:19

All a bit quick, I would say. Enjoy him as a fling or rebound, don't invest emotionally, I don't think he will bring you happiness.

schoolgaterebel · 02/08/2017 07:32

Calling women 'hot', urgh how old is he?

Doesn't sound like long term relationship material, enjoy the fling and move on.

Neutrogena · 02/08/2017 07:50

@schoolgaterebel

What is wrong with 'hot'?
Do you prefer 'fit', 'lovely' or 'tasty' ?

ParadiseCity · 02/08/2017 07:54

He sounds gross. I hate people judging on looks. So shallow.

Bluntness100 · 02/08/2017 07:58

Saying someone is hot I wouldn't have an issue with. I do think in relationships it's ok to comment someone is attractive, and you shouldn't be hurt that he doesn't think you're the only attractive woman in the world. That's unrealistic and hiding it isn't healthy.

However, if he's a flirt to the extent you say I'd think he was insincere and as such all the "I've fallen for you, you're amazing" I'd suspect was just banter and his way. So I'd probably tread very cautiously in terms of believing it. I amnt saying he hasn't, but after such a short term, I suspect it's just his banter.

MTB133 · 02/08/2017 08:22

You have to be very self confident and flirty yourself for a relationship with a man like this otherwise he will just grind you down.

happypoobum · 02/08/2017 09:39

OK, it's only been a couple of months and this relationship has helped you get over your marriage split.

Can you view it as a sort of "adventure" that has helped you move forwards? You cannot go through life thinking every bloke you date for a few months is going to be a serious relationship. And there's nothing wrong in being single.

I would end it but try to stay positive about it - it was a bit of fun, but you cannot afford to expose yourself emotionally like this.

HotNatured · 02/08/2017 10:19

'naturally flirty person' = insecure, attention seeking twat

catbasilio · 02/08/2017 10:26

Omg. Exactly my situation. Split up from H last year (dull and unemotional) and dived into a relationship with someone totally opposite, now 10 months in. My boyfriend is flirty, chatty, has a lot of female friends (including his exes!), a bit of attention seeker, likes complimenting other women.. it bothered me in the beginning and caused some dramas from my side (especially over his FB female friends) but he's been nothing but open and transparent. I also feel his commitment to me is strong, and despite of the above I have built up to trust him. Only time will show if this is right. At the end of the day he is with me and not with all of those female friends.

It takes to build a lot of self-confidence not to feel vulnerable in such situations. Good luck OP. Trust your gut feeling.

NurseButtercup · 02/08/2017 14:45

The office flirt is good for rebound sex, and boosting you're ego. Definitely not "the one" for a relationship. I spent yesterday afternoon sat next to our office flirt, in addition to his usual flirting and trying it on with me, he opened up and told me all his secret liaisions and who he's planning to "sample" next. I just shook my head.