Where do I find my peeps now? Friendship needs!

[catsbeensickagain]

I've been generally slobbing around feeling sorry for myself for having no friends - I have decided that I need to take some new action to get myself back in the friendship game; so advice please, here is the story of my friendship life so far.........

the basics
School days - too long ago and too far away!
Uni days - married my best friend , another good friend we see around 4 times a year with their kids, some on Facebook and one now lives in the US and we see around every 2 years. All scattered so no-one really close by.
Work - have colleagues I sometimes socialise with but am sort of the boss and so don't like to push it.
Baby groups - kids are now 10 and 14 so all grown up and scattered
School gates - I work at the school my kids go to, so some chats with mums, playdates etc but essentially a bit guarded.
Home - the least friendly village in Yorkshire.

recently
Have joined the clandestine cake club - good but really all about the cake
Have tried a couple of meet ups, OK but all about the booze (I don't really drink) and those are the only ones near me
Did a nature watching course - really good but no follow up events etc and it was too short to really click with people
Have joined in with a group in our village hoping to get some local amenities back - don't know yet, could meet people here....
Have volunteered as a school governor - love the role but not friendship making.

So where will I find people I click with?? If I wrote myself as a stereotype it would be: I am nearly 40, I enjoy cooking and am an aga bore. I am frankly mumsey (think Joules and Boden) and content with it, I love my cat and chickens and could talk about houses all night (I NEED Kirstie Allsopp as a friend I think), I don't drink, do like travelling, listen to Radio 4 and can't craft anything to save my life.

I think I just need to start going to places where there are people like me to let the friendships grow organically but right now I feel like a weirdo and can't think of anywhere. All suggestions welcome!!!!

I feel your pain, Also in Yorkshire and finding it difficult to make friends, dont have children, so cant go down that route, all the crafting groups seem to be populated by "Gods waiting room", not sure how you find new friendship groups at 40+ so will be watching this thread and hoping for advice too.

at God's waiting room. I looked at our local walking group. They meet at weekends to allow for people who work full time, I thought that might mean a younger age range than a standard walking group. Nope every single one of them was 20 years older than me; very welcoming but just not where I am now.

Me too. I have the young preschool children so it should be easy but it really isn't. Am also in an unfriendly village in Yorkshire - is that a theme?!

In Yorkshire too but the city, only been here 2 years so, another one watching

45 and kids at uni.

Sounds like a theme. Everyone who comes to the house (basically the postman and bin man), looks at it wistfully and says "I remember when Steve lived here" and walks off!

My village is at the southern tip of North Yorkshire but when I was in an East Yorkshire town it was really friendly. So not sure if it's villages or Yorkshire villages. I am thinking of going to the Parish Council meeting tonight.....but almost having a panic attack at the thought of being that incomer who bough Steve's house!

Im a way out of a small market town and dont have neighbours, so not sure about village life, i keep yearning for it, thinking it would give me a community.....maybe not :)

I have dogs and thought i may meet people when walking, but never seem to bump into anyone, its as if i have my own 500 m invisible shield warding everyone away.

I even went to the AGA cookery school for a class, thinking like minded people must meet people here, but i was the only one there on my own, it was all couples or freinds together.....i felt very sad and didnt feel like making the 3 bird roast they demonstrated either!

Im with you OP, where is Kirstie when you need her

Im on the southern edge of the Moors, been here a couple of years now.

Women's institute
Book group

Bum! A dog was one of my next plans (mostly to avoid the odd looks pedestrians get round here), foiled again.

Malton or Harrogate AGA shop.....tragically you and I are clearly treading the same ground

Have a bbq invite everyone from your activities

Have you tried the Meetup App ? There will be different Meetup groups in your area and you can choose any whose interests are the same as yours. There are coffee shop meet ups, book groups, fitness, dancing, music etc etc

2014newme those are good ideas. I tried the WI and they even recommended a "younger group". It closed the week after I went hangs head in shame as it is clearly her. I have found a book group at Waterstones York but it meets too early in the evening, possibly some persistence here might work.

Malton....i went to their Christmas Dinner demonstration, hoping it would help with my timings, not to learn how to prepare a 3 bird roast

2014newme another great idea. We tried Christmas party with work friends and neighbours when just moved in. Sadly only on person came (distinctly worse than none!) - we can laugh about it now. Seriously could be worth another go, I have a thick hide!

Hmm respect to you for leaving No stone unturned

TheDogsMother yes I love the idea of Meetup. Within 50 miles of me though there is just a drinking one, LGBT one and meditation at times I can reach. We are a bit bum end of nowhere!

I'm not very good at that initial interaction, dont want to come across as desperate (which clearly I am) Pyscho ( which I hope im not) Crazy (i have my moments) and then worry about following up as dont want to be that " odd women we met who wont leave us alone" and a topic on MN.

I'm pretty good with my own company, but really miss the coffee and wine chats with friends

nyorksyo A 3 bird roast does not seem the most practical! Mind you the reason I asked is that I went into that one once and they were finishing demonstrating some fancy lobster thing to a frankly terrified looking group who looked like they just wanted to know where to put the damn kettle.

Perhaps we should have a "we're not crazy really" Yorkshire village meet up!
I'm OK at the initial overtures bit and get chatting OK but I think at our age lots of people are sorted and not really thinking of new friends if that makes sense. So I think it would be difficult even if you came across as the most sane and balanced person in the world (which I am sure you do!)

smeaton that sounds hard. At least because I work there mothers are the school gate are forced to talk to me

As you enjoyed the nature-watching, how about looking for a local RSPB group?

Gerund great call, I thought there wasn't one as there isn't at my local reserve, but just had another go and found one in York. 30 mins away but most things are. First talk of September looks interesting.

Good Idea catsbeensickagain there seem to be enough of us who are struggling to find freinds at our advanced years :)

I've been wondering if Britain's just a really unfriendly place. I was talking to some foreign students recently and both had spent significant time studying abroad in other countries before coming here. They talked about how easy it was to make friends in these other countries and said that here is very different. That they had both been here for several months already and still had very few people to talk to or go out with because people just aren't friendly here like they are abroad. I've been to a lot of meetups and I have to say I think there's some truth in it. The people I really click with all seem to be American, Canadian or Australian.

I've never found it unfriendly before, but I did live in the Netherlands for a time which I don't think is that different to the UK however I made loads of friends quickly.
I think the fact that I had no expectations that I should already have friends helped, but also I plugged quickly into a group via the International Women's Connection that organises all sorts of events. I think it worked because everyone was new to the country and so trying to find friends.