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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Embarrassed myself when drunk - over?

42 replies

user1457213512 · 30/07/2017 17:57

Been seeing a guy for about 7 months now. We both agreed at the beginning that there was no rush and that the moving in, meeting parents stuff etc wouldn't happen for a very long time.

Things have been going well, we are both shy emotionally wise and neither of us great at showing our feelings I don't think, but we've been doing ok. I really like him, love him in fact, and can see him in my future. I do actually find him annoying, a bit arrogant etc however I can see through his flaws and like him in spite of that. He's very set in his ways and can come across a bit abrupt, but I don't think he means to be. He works a lot which makes it hard to see each other but I usually stay at his once or twice a week. As he works so much it's hard to do things as he's always so tired. If I suggest things to do he doesn't want to as he's tired so we just end up watching a film. It bothers and upsets me however I like him too much for it to be a breaking point.

I was always adamant that I never wanted kids, marriage etc but since he came along I do (although as above, not for a while).

We went to a wedding on Friday and I was looking forward to it, our first official 'thing' together. It was going ok, although neither of us really knew any other people and he was a bit anxious about that so he was a little moody from the start. I, very stupidly, got drunk too early on. He was embarrassed by this and as I was going around talking to people, clearly drunk, I could hear him in the background almost mocking me when people asked if I was ok and laughing. When we were at dinner I also heard him talk about how he'd been out a few times with younger friends at work and he'd actually had a really nice time. I just thought, if he can go out late and have fun with them then why not me? So I just went outside and sobbed, I was so upset (I have form for crying loads when drunk). He didn't really care, total strangers appeared to care more than he did. Clearly embarrassed, we went home at about 6-7pm ish I think? Again I sobbed in the car as it just upset me that he didn't want to have fun with me.

Saturday morning was awkward and I really don't know if we are even still together! He asked if I was ok, I said yes, took some paracetamol and ten left. We hugged at the door but it was a more longer hug than we'd usually have. He said text me when you're home and that was that. We texted briefly yesterday, I text him this morning to say have a nice day and that was that. The thing is, there's soooooo much I can't remember from Friday so I'm worriedly that I may have broken up with him, said something I didn't mean, was rude etc but I'm too scared about the answer.

I'm not really sure what I'm asking here. I appreciate I shouldn't have got drunk and he's embarrassed, I have apologised, but I'm not really sure where to go from here? I want to be with him and now I'm scared I've completely blown it. Any advice please?

Sorry so long!

OP posts:
PovertyJetset · 30/07/2017 17:59

How old are you?

Life's too short to settle for a tired bloke who wants to watch films all the time.

Mum4Fergus · 30/07/2017 18:00

Put yourself out of your misery and phone him...you're both adults Biscuit

user1457213512 · 30/07/2017 18:02

I'm 24. That's the thing, that would have always been the type of thing I'd say too however I just can't help feeling that he's 'the one' (and that's something I never believed in before either!).

OP posts:
Annabelle4 · 30/07/2017 18:04

You've apologised, there's nothing more you can do.

Sorry OP but reading the thread and I just get the feeling that (aside from you being drunk) that he's just not that into you Sad

Is he usually moody? That's not a good thing so early in a relationship IMO.

GinIsIn · 30/07/2017 18:07

Seriously? You think someone who treats you that disrespectfully is 'The One'? You really need to work on getting some self-respect. I would start by dumping this utter dickhead.

PovertyJetset · 30/07/2017 18:07

op

I met my husband when I was 26, and am
Married with 2 children 11 years this year.

You have time to totally walk away from this guy who sounds like a boring git. Is he 24 ish too? I was literally dancing all night long and have a rare old time in my twenties not sitting about watching the tv. Yawn!!!

GetOffTheTableMabel · 30/07/2017 18:10

'The One', when you find them, will willingly do things with you that they don't much fancy, just so they can make you happy. 'The One' is not so tired that they have to have things all their own way 7 months into a relationship.
The One is someone you can openly and easily discuss things with.
The One never, ever belittles you to others.
If he is The One, it will be easy to talk to him about this. He will talk freely about his feelings and you will feel better afterwards.
I rather suspect that he is not The One - which doesn't mean you don't love him. It just may mean that he doesn't feel the same about you. Be brave and call, at least you'll know.

AlternativeTentacle · 30/07/2017 18:11

I just can't help feeling that he's 'the one'

He is A one, a right one if you ask me. Not THE one though. You would not be on here with a thread at this stage if he was THE one.

IamHappy1976 · 30/07/2017 18:15

He sounds like hard work, and you've only been together a short while. Can you imagine what your relationship would look like in a couple of years? In my opinion, put it down to experience and move on.

CarlottosWay · 30/07/2017 18:16

Please dump this man OP. He will destroy your self esteem if you stay with him.

thestamp · 30/07/2017 18:17

You are 24.

He is dull, abrupt, and isn't very nice to you.

The fact that you have strong feelings for him doesn't make him a good match. Really just leave this be and move on. If he's this lacklustre so early on, five years in you'll hate him.

SnowflakeObsidian · 30/07/2017 18:18

He doesn't sound very kind or reassuring. Most men would be concerned if you were crying over something they had done or said, drunk or not. He also sounds quite selfish, with everything being about him and his moods and what he wants to do.

Are you sure you haven't got hooked into a pattern of settling for crumbs because it feels so good when he actually is nice to you? You sound really sweet and at 24 there are so many other lovely single blokes out there for you! I know this is painful for you now, but if he can't treat you with love and understanding then he isn't "the one" whatever his other qualities.

RidingWindhorses · 30/07/2017 18:21

Tired at 24? Unless he's considerably older? I don't think he's tired he's just narrow and dull. And annoying. And arrogant. And takes the piss out of you when you're drunk.

It's not romance of the century is it?

ImperialBlether · 30/07/2017 18:24

He's not the one, honestly. Trust us on this!

DioneTheDiabolist · 30/07/2017 18:27

This relationship sucks OP. If he dumps you because of Friday, he'said doing you a favour. If he doesn't, you should dump him. Otherwise you face a future of seething at his behaviour in silence and getting off your head on alcohol to release and then feeling guilty and starting the cycle all over again.

BeepBeepMOVE · 30/07/2017 18:28

You were drunk enough at a wedding to be sobbing in front of complete strangers at 6pm! 2am I could understand but 6pm is quite shocking. And then you are moaning about him not having fun with you, you don't sound like you were having fun.

Maybe apologise a bit more. OR just give up on this relationship, it doesn't sound like you are a good match at all.

Whosthemummynow · 30/07/2017 18:39

Oh God OP

If my partner behaved like that at a wedding I'd be mortified, and seriously re thinking the relationship

OhDearMuriel · 30/07/2017 18:42

Getting drunk is not a crime - Christ haven't we all done it!
He should have looked after you and not ridiculed you :0(
He sounds uptight and nasty with it.
We all make mistakes - and you are being really hard on yourself.

Loopytiles · 30/07/2017 18:43

He's not into you, and the relationship sounds crap and one-sided. Sounds like you're dreaming of a future with someone you'd like him to be, ie different.

In what ways is he arrogant and abrupt? Does he come to yours?

There is no such thing as "the one".

Not on at all to be that drunk and sobbing in front of people at strangers' wedding. But that won't have changed anything: if he was into you he'd still be in touch and seeing you.

DancesWithOtters · 30/07/2017 18:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AdoraBell · 30/07/2017 18:55

You can do so much better OP

Read your post as if your best mate had sent you a letter. Don't bother with the bits about you being drunk.

What would you advise your friend? She's 24 and has her whole life ahead of her.

Should she spend that life trying get a disinterested man who prefers having his fun with other people to take notice of her?

user1457213512 · 30/07/2017 18:59

Thank you everyone for advice, I genuinely appreciate it

I do get what everybody is saying, really. He is older than me, he's 33. He does have some good qualities - occasionally he can be very affectionate, is quite generous money wise plus he's usually always the one that texts first etc but obviously there's also the other things. (Hope this doesn't sound like I'm drip feeding, sorry if so).

I do understand that yes it's probably best for this to be over now, but how do you just stop loving somebody? I feel so sad. Any tips? :(

Thanks again all. And yes I'm extremely embarrassed about the drunk thing, have never been able to handle my drink so I don't know why I do it. Stupid.

OP posts:
JackTwist · 30/07/2017 19:02

Aside from you being drunk which is hardly a crime and you've apologised you say he's the one? How? You said he was

Abrupt
Annoying
Arrogant
Set in his ways
Too tired

He's not the one

Annabelle4 · 30/07/2017 19:02

I wasn't able to handle my drink either at 24, you learn to pace yourself and drink less as you get older.

I'd leave him be for now, don't text. See if he comes running after you, which I suspect he won't. Sorry.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 30/07/2017 19:06

Drunk or not, there was a reason you were upset. Being drunk just brought it all out. He was moody, you're anxious and worrying about his moods, he's abrupt, he ridiculed you and doesn't make you feel good about yourself. You say he's arrogant, you feel belittled by him and side lined because he doesn't make an effort to do nice things as a couple but will happily talk about going out with friends.

Don't just write all this off as being drunk, most people get drunk at weddings! Think about how he makes you feel. You deserve better than him.

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