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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Embarrassed myself when drunk - over?

42 replies

user1457213512 · 30/07/2017 17:57

Been seeing a guy for about 7 months now. We both agreed at the beginning that there was no rush and that the moving in, meeting parents stuff etc wouldn't happen for a very long time.

Things have been going well, we are both shy emotionally wise and neither of us great at showing our feelings I don't think, but we've been doing ok. I really like him, love him in fact, and can see him in my future. I do actually find him annoying, a bit arrogant etc however I can see through his flaws and like him in spite of that. He's very set in his ways and can come across a bit abrupt, but I don't think he means to be. He works a lot which makes it hard to see each other but I usually stay at his once or twice a week. As he works so much it's hard to do things as he's always so tired. If I suggest things to do he doesn't want to as he's tired so we just end up watching a film. It bothers and upsets me however I like him too much for it to be a breaking point.

I was always adamant that I never wanted kids, marriage etc but since he came along I do (although as above, not for a while).

We went to a wedding on Friday and I was looking forward to it, our first official 'thing' together. It was going ok, although neither of us really knew any other people and he was a bit anxious about that so he was a little moody from the start. I, very stupidly, got drunk too early on. He was embarrassed by this and as I was going around talking to people, clearly drunk, I could hear him in the background almost mocking me when people asked if I was ok and laughing. When we were at dinner I also heard him talk about how he'd been out a few times with younger friends at work and he'd actually had a really nice time. I just thought, if he can go out late and have fun with them then why not me? So I just went outside and sobbed, I was so upset (I have form for crying loads when drunk). He didn't really care, total strangers appeared to care more than he did. Clearly embarrassed, we went home at about 6-7pm ish I think? Again I sobbed in the car as it just upset me that he didn't want to have fun with me.

Saturday morning was awkward and I really don't know if we are even still together! He asked if I was ok, I said yes, took some paracetamol and ten left. We hugged at the door but it was a more longer hug than we'd usually have. He said text me when you're home and that was that. We texted briefly yesterday, I text him this morning to say have a nice day and that was that. The thing is, there's soooooo much I can't remember from Friday so I'm worriedly that I may have broken up with him, said something I didn't mean, was rude etc but I'm too scared about the answer.

I'm not really sure what I'm asking here. I appreciate I shouldn't have got drunk and he's embarrassed, I have apologised, but I'm not really sure where to go from here? I want to be with him and now I'm scared I've completely blown it. Any advice please?

Sorry so long!

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 30/07/2017 19:14

Fuck that. Honestly, this should be the best time for you both. Its not, he's boring, and uncaring.

Raise the bar, you've got plenty of time.

Moanyoldcow · 30/07/2017 19:34

About 4 months into my relationship I got drunk at a party, fell asleep, woke up, vomited (in a loo), danced like a prat and made a general tit of myself. He took me home and found me crying in the kitchen in the middle of the night wearing a cardigan and knickers because the floor was too cold.

He got me water, took me back to bed and comforted me. In the morning went out and got me McDonalds, told me I was daft and helped me sort my hangover.

We're married now and have been together 12 years.

That's what nice people do. They don't take the piss out of you and mock you. That's so disrespectful. You deserve so much better.

WorknameJimEllis · 30/07/2017 19:48

Jeez,

If he's The One I truly dread to think what someone who would be a bit 'meh' is like.

Just read through your OP as though it were someone else's. If someone is The One for you then it would not read like a list of excuses for shit behaviour. Which your OP does.

Dump him. Seriously.

caffeinestream · 30/07/2017 19:56

Are you sure you're not dating my ex?

He could never be bothered to do anything either. He'd rather sit home and watch movies or play video games than go out anywhere as a couple. He was living the life of a single man but he liked having a girlfriend because it meant he got regular sex and had someone to help him out financially.

I've never been happier since we split (for other reasons, but this would have contributed to our break-up eventually). Please don't settle for someone like that.

GinIsIn · 30/07/2017 20:17

Nobody should have to settle for "occasionally affectionate", especially not in a new relationship!

HeyRoly · 30/07/2017 20:23

He's not into you, and the relationship sounds crap and one-sided. Sounds like you're dreaming of a future with someone you'd like him to be, ie different.

I know it's hard to hear, but this is so true.

You're only 24, find yourself a man who really loves, respects and cherishes you.

PsychedelicSheep · 30/07/2017 21:04

I was in a relationship much like this when I was 19 and he was 26. I was head over heels for him (well, not really but I thought I was) and he couldn't have been less bothered. Looking back I can see he had a lot of narcissistic traits but wasn't aware of that at the time, being young and naive. I even remember a night where I got really drunk and was a dick in front of (and to Blush) his friends.

I'd love to tell my younger self to tell him to get to fuck.

user1457213512 · 30/07/2017 22:01

I know you're all right really and what I need to do... I just don't want to do it :( but I know that I need to.

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
KatsutheClockworkOctopus · 30/07/2017 22:20

Oh User my cat is "occasionally affectionate" - a romantic partner should be so so SO much more than that.
I'm pleased that you have listened to what people have said. It seems hard now but it is the right thing to do.

MollyWantsACracker · 31/07/2017 09:17

In my late teens and early twenties, I wasted 8 [EIGHT] of my precious years on a twat like this
I thought the sun shone out of his arse and there was no talking to me.
Don't make the mistake I made.
Find someone who thinks the sun shines out of YOUR arse.

TheNaze73 · 31/07/2017 09:24

OP, he doesn't give a toss about you.

Walk away

Adora10 · 31/07/2017 13:16

Gosh OP, he sounds absolutely horrible; I don't think he cares at all so why are you worrying about what he thinks, what do you think cos if he's the one you honestly need to raise your standards.

category12 · 31/07/2017 13:52

Please ditch him. You're 24, have fun, do all the things. Don't tie yourself to this guy. Set the bar higher. You deserve someone who makes you feel good.

isitjustme2017 · 31/07/2017 13:58

occasionally he can be very affectionate
Really? I know you clearly are besotted with this guy but he really doesn't sound that nice.
So what if you got drunk. We've all done it and we've all made a fool of ourselves. Sounds like he was the one making the fool of you.
You are still so young, don't get tied down to someone who sounds old before their time. You need someone who doesn't take life so seriously.

Josuk · 31/07/2017 14:12

OP - I think you two are having two different relationships.
He is having a relationship with the woman you projected - the young one, who didn't want marriage, commitment, etc.
And you are having a relationship that is more a fantasy. Dreaming about marriage and kids, eventually.

So, two things.
If at 24, after 7months of dating, and not with much emotional input from him - your firm conviction that 'marriage&kids' is not what you want in the future just disappeared and you are dreaming you've found 'the One' - just stop, and look inside yourself and be honest. It's looking more likely that you want to think you don't want these things, out of fear of not finding them.

Second - nothing too dramatic happened. You got drunk, and embarrassed yourself a bit. Life goes on.
You apologised, probably said you feel bad about how you acted. Hopefully, mentioned that you don't hold alcohol well. Happens, to much older and more mature people too.
It'll blow over.

And, yes. One last thing. You are desperate to be loved by this man. And you move him. This is what makes him feel like the 'One'. If it doesn't work out - there will be another One, eventually.

user1457213512 · 31/07/2017 17:15

Thanks for the further advice, appreciated.

It's hard because I truly believe he loved me. He had said it, and in fact he said it first, and he isn't the kind of guy who would say this lightly. He's a lot of things but most definitely not a liar, he's extremely honest. Does he just have a funny way of showing it perhaps?

Anyway, it doesn't matter I suppose as I know what I need to, and will, do.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 31/07/2017 17:56

Words are easy. His actions towards you have not been loving.

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