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Original poster

How long should I wait for a reply?

67 replies

UsualSuspects21 · 30/07/2017 09:18

So last night I bit the bullet and asked the guy I like if he would go out on a date with me sometime.

A bit of background is that we have known each other a long time and have always had a lot of fun/chemistry. I have seen him out a few times recently and he has walked me home, told me he likes me and we ended up kissing.

He is quite shy and therefore I decided to make the first move and ask him out. I am new to the whole dating scene I'm not sure how long I should wait before his non reply is an obvious "no thanks". I have no idea of the dating/texting etiquette these days!

OP posts:
AnyonesGhost · 30/07/2017 17:38

This seems be the norm these days with a lot of guys. I'm currently seeing a guy for over a month and there are times it takes him like 2 days to respond to a text because he's busy at work when he got it, or off doing something, and just takes that long to respond in general. For most guys 2 days is like 2 hours lol. I'm finding its not unusual. I asked a guy friend about this the other night actually to which he responded "we're all a**es really when it comes to responding. Even myself and I'm married." lol

Original poster
UsualSuspects21 · 30/07/2017 17:50

We've text a couple of times in the past and he responded within minutes.

OP posts:
Flowersandfootballs · 30/07/2017 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissSmiley · 30/07/2017 21:31

Can you be sure his phone isn't broken or something like that?
When are you seeing him again?

Original poster
UsualSuspects21 · 30/07/2017 21:52

It's not broken. I can see he's been on WhatsApp this evening.

I'm not sure when I'll see him next. We only usually see each other on nights out which don't happen that often. The last time I saw him was 2 weeks ago when he sent me a message saying he liked me and that we have a lot of fun/chemistry and foolishly I believed him. That's why I decided to put myself out there and ask him if he'd like to go on a date. He still hasn't replied so I know the answer.

OP posts:
BasedOnTrueEvents · 30/07/2017 21:54

Sorry OP. At least you know now.

AnyonesGhost · 30/07/2017 22:06

WhatsApp is life ruining in modern day dating. Like if the guy I'm seeing hasn't responded in a couple days on text and I see his last seen on WhatsApp I feel so stressed. Though if they haven't shut the App down it says last seen whenever they touch their phone even just to see the time. Aghhhhg

MissSmiley · 30/07/2017 22:39

What did your text to him actually say?
I hate and love whatsapp.

Original poster
UsualSuspects21 · 30/07/2017 22:55

It said:

Hi -- would you like to go out with me sometime on a date? X

No idea if that's a bad way to ask or not. I didn't want to send a long message so thought I'd get straight to the point.

OP posts:
MinceSpies · 30/07/2017 23:22

Maybe using the word 'date' was a bit full on if he's shy, 'out for a drink sometime' might have been better.

scoobydoo1971 · 30/07/2017 23:30

Shy is attractive in this 'me, me, me' world. I wouldn't have mentioned the 'date' word though, sometimes men think that means expensive restaurants and full blown romance. If he was a keeper, he would have texted a reply fairly quickly to save your dignity either way...

Next time, ask a man out for a drink...a beer, a coffee, a pizza...whatever, but it doesn't sound so formal and full of expectation that you might pounce at any time. I admire your confidence at asking men out, that makes a lovely and refreshing change...don't let this man put you off, some men need a nudge. I asked my fella to marry me as I recall...

Original poster
UsualSuspects21 · 30/07/2017 23:40

Yes I see what you mean re using the word "date". It does seem quite formal, I didn't see that before. However I think he could have let me know either way instead of completely ignoring me. I am not a confident person and it took all I had to make the first move. I'm feeling rather embarrassed right now.

OP posts:
Flowersandfootballs · 30/07/2017 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Arealhumanbeing · 30/07/2017 23:58

You have nothing to be embarrassed about. He may still text back but even if he doesn't you can hold your head up. He kissed you, texted to say he likes you so you responded.

There could be 100 reasons why he hasn't replied up to now.

JK1773 · 31/07/2017 00:15

Hey good for you for having the confidence to do that. I wouldn't have. And at least now you know so you can pick yourself up and move on. Good for you. The right one will come along x

anxiousnow · 31/07/2017 00:16

100% agree with Areal. He may still reoly and if not he sent those positive signs before your message. Please don't be embarrassed. If you don't hear from him before you bump into each other don't act frosty or embarrassed. You have do e nothing wrong. I know it is so easy to say but try to stop looking at hos WhatsApp time stamp. I am guilty of this too but it isn't reliable.

runningintothelight · 31/07/2017 00:21

Chin up babe it's his loss xxx

Cherylvole · 31/07/2017 19:40

also - love and dating doesn't need to be hard.
If he likes you enough he wants to spend every minute with you.
he is a tosser

Desmondo2016 · 31/07/2017 19:52

Omg post his number on here so we can all tell him he's missed a great opportunity!!!

guiltybystander · 31/07/2017 19:52

Sorry but I wouldn't have asked him out. If he walked you home and kissed you then he is not exactly shy is he? Once you let a man kiss and touch you, that would be enough encouragement from your part and they should take it from there and initiate more meet ups and fun times if they are interested. What more does he need? You serenading him at night?
And don't swallow this bollox that men don't check their mobiles as often as women do. They are forever fiddling with it, it's glued to them.

DancesWithOtters · 31/07/2017 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Florene · 31/07/2017 20:00

@UsualSuspects21 You did nothing wrong. Nothing.

You were brave and strong and independent and awesome. And if he isn't the one, that's fine. But don't lose your courageousness - the right guy will absolutely admire you for it.

Frazzledmummy123 · 01/08/2017 17:20

OP, just saw this thread and wondering if you've heard from him?

Original poster
UsualSuspects21 · 01/08/2017 22:18

Hi all
No I never heard back from him. Felt rubbish about it all day Sunday and wished I hadn't bothered texting him as I've probably put him off. Maybe I was too forward and he wasn't ready but at the end of the day he gave me all the right signals and I feel like he's led me on. If he had any kind of decency/respect for me he would have at least replied even if it was to say no thanks.

It's done now and I won't be going there again.

Thank you all for your lovely comments. It helps me not to feel too bad about it!

OP posts:
sofato5miles · 01/08/2017 22:23

Tosser. At least you found out that it wasn't right early doors. Next!...