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Original poster

What to expect 6 months in

51 replies

likebeyoncedoes · 28/07/2017 18:57

I have written one thread in the past and found it very useful
And interesting . Just wondering - what would you expect from a relationship 6 months in ? What discussions about future might you have / not have . What would you be expecting to see / feel / hear? My past relationship was v ea so my sense of normal isn't quite as it should be yet.

OP posts:
PopcornNRedwine · 28/07/2017 19:03

This is tricky, because "normal" is different for everyone.

What should be normal for you -
Going at the pace you want to.
Feeling relaxed.
Not walking on eggshells.
Not being made to feel like being at fault.
Being able to talk freely about how you feel.

It shouldn't be - not knowing where you stand.
Feeling uneasy.
Being made to do anything outwith your comfort zone.

Original poster
likebeyoncedoes · 28/07/2017 19:06

Thank you . You're right . I'm wanting to talk about serious long term commitments and he's saying to slow down: enjoy relationship and give him time. Tricky

OP posts:
JK1773 · 28/07/2017 19:07

I think still relatively relaxed, no big declarations, enjoying each date at a time. 6 months is still early days. I think if it's rushing beyond that it's too much too soon. I was living with my ex after 6 months. In hindsight it was a massive mistake. I'm 9 months in with DP. No rushing, no pressure but relaxed enough to trust that it's serious. That's my humble opinion

Original poster
likebeyoncedoes · 28/07/2017 19:09

Yes moving in too soon could spell disaster for many

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 28/07/2017 19:31

It's different for everyone.

In one relationship, by 6 months we had only just agreed to be exclusive and saw each other a few times a week. We hadn't said I love you and I wasn't even thinking about the 'future' of our relationship and was just going with the flow.

With another boyfriend I had moved in with him after 4 months.

So it not about whether the stage you're at is right is wrong, it's whether you're happy with it and whether you're both on the same page, which I think is where your problem lies.

Original poster
likebeyoncedoes · 28/07/2017 19:33

Absolutely , I'd be happy to move in now and talk seriously about future. He just says that he doesn't wanna rush anything . We are exclusive / have holidays booked etc

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 28/07/2017 19:36

How old are you both?

Original poster
likebeyoncedoes · 28/07/2017 19:37

He's 37 , I'm 30.
I have a child , he has 2.

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 28/07/2017 19:52

Maybe he's reluctant because there are children involved. Moving in together after 6 months is very quick to be blending families.

Have you been apart from your Ex for quite a while?

What about him? When did things end with the mother of his children? Or was she not his last relationship anyway?

Original poster
likebeyoncedoes · 28/07/2017 19:54

They are divorced and they split 3 years ago. I've been split with ex for
3 years also ( had
Another short relationship after ex but it was long distance and didn't work, but nice enough guy). He said to me that things are going well but he
Feels chats about moving in are too early.
He said he may /
May not want to marry again.

OP posts:
Original poster
likebeyoncedoes · 28/07/2017 20:41

G

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 28/07/2017 20:43

I wouldn't let someone I'd known for six months move in with my children.

Original poster
likebeyoncedoes · 28/07/2017 20:44

Fair enough , reasonable point

OP posts:
thereallochnessmonster · 28/07/2017 20:46

Taking it slowly
Sex should be fabulous and there should be lots of it
Everything should be really hunky dory
No arguments
Both being on their next behaviour, really lovey dovey and considerate
May have said I love you
May have talked about future plans but nothing concrete
You are able to talk about how you feel, and so can see, with no stropping, sulking or nastiness

In your case you should like how he parents and how he deals with his ex, and you should like how he pArents/interacts with your dc

Far too early to talk about blending families imo

JK1773 · 28/07/2017 20:46

Listen to him, he's right. You're getting a bit carried away. Your relationship will be much healthier and have a much stronger foundation if you don't rush things. He sounds like he is committed to you so just enjoy it. There's plenty of time for all the rest

SuperBeagle · 28/07/2017 20:47

6 months is far too early to be moving in together when there are children involved.

Hunted68 · 28/07/2017 20:48

It is too early to be talking about moving in etc when you have children. Why not just let things build gradually. What's the rush?

Original poster
likebeyoncedoes · 28/07/2017 20:51

I know you're all right . He has said he loves me and said he'd prefer to chat about moving in after one year ( he wouldn't say that he'd wanna move
In after a year but that he thinks that is a good time to start the discussion) . I feel his need to take
Things slow is a reflection on him not liking me
Enough as I feel
If he was crazy about me then he'd wanna take long term now not in a year . I think it's my own insecurities

OP posts:
JK1773 · 28/07/2017 20:56

OP that is your insecurities definitely. He sounds level headed and sensible. I'd leave this subject for now. You'll come across as needy and desperate and that is a massive turn off. Much more likely to ruin your relationship. It's no reflection at all on his feelings for you. You are both parents too so even more to consider. I know it's hard not to get carried away when everything seems perfect. Flowers

C0untDucku1a · 28/07/2017 20:57

He isnt taking things slow. You're wanting to go way too fast! Calm down. You have a child to consider. The child needs stability.

Original poster
likebeyoncedoes · 28/07/2017 20:59

I know ,I do know that you're all
Talking sense but part of me feels so sad about his lack of keeness. I am now worried that after a year hell
Say he's not interested . I'm leaping from one worry to another

OP posts:
category12 · 28/07/2017 21:03

Did your ea relationship move very fast?

He's being very sensible - you both have dc. You've only been seeing each other 6 months.

Tbh he wouldn't have met my dc yet. We'd still be dating. I'd be thinking about whether to say I love you. Maybe.

Original poster
likebeyoncedoes · 28/07/2017 21:08

Yes the Ea relationship ended with baby and ea man was vvv much about big gifts n statements early on . With ea ex he would wanna be with me
Alll the time unlike current bf who spends time with me but likes his space

OP posts:
JK1773 · 28/07/2017 21:09

Category is right on every level. OP it is not a lack of keenness at all! You are coming across a bit bonkers tbh. Be careful. He's a sensible guy and you'll lose him if you carry on like this

category12 · 28/07/2017 21:13

Ok, so your ea relationship is probably what has set you up with these unhealthy "love-bombing" expectations. You see your bloke's sensible approach as lack of interest, but actually it's most likely your boundaries have been skewed by your past.

You might like to do the Freedom programme and get a reset on what healthy relationships look like? It's brilliant that you're coming on here asking - I hope you take it as it's meant, which is kindly.