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Original poster

My friend thinks she's my maid of honour - she's not even bridesmaid!

35 replies

eirrah · 28/07/2017 16:35

Ok so I've just discovered my friends Pinterest and she has a board saying "eirrah's wedding" which she has saved loads of maim of honour duties.

I aren't even asking her to be my bridesmaid.

I feel awful but my fiancé says I shouldn't ask her just cos I feel guilty. We've had a lot of ups and downs recently and a year ago then maybe she would have been but I really don't want her to be now. What should I do??

OP posts:
Lonoxo · 28/07/2017 16:36

Are you having any bridesmaids?

TheFaerieQueene · 28/07/2017 16:37

Be honest. It is your wedding and you choose your bm's.
She might not take it too well, but that is not your problem, unless in the past you have hinted she would be a bm.

Original poster
eirrah · 28/07/2017 16:39

Yep in the past I have hinted but our friendship has changed a lot. We went away last year and had a big fall out where she said some pretty nasty things. We made up and she obviously thinks everything is ok.

OP posts:
ChocolatePHD · 28/07/2017 16:40

She shouldn't have assumed she would be. Nip it in the bud now and just say to her that she won't be a bm. It's your wedding and you're not obligated to please others.

seven201 · 28/07/2017 16:40

If you don't want her to be a bm then don't ask her to be one. I had a friend I wasn't sure about having as a bm but in the end I'm glad I did (I'm being hers in a few months and would have not been offended if she didn't ask me to). I wouldn't bring it up unless she does, but if she does be honest

Gemini69 · 28/07/2017 16:41

nip this in the bud NOW x

Anecdoche · 28/07/2017 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CookieLady · 28/07/2017 16:46

Tell her. Before things get really out of hand.

SenoritaViva · 28/07/2017 16:58

Definitely let her know (gently). Be prepared for a fall out but hopefully it will blow over.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/07/2017 17:01

Don't have her in your wedding party. That will cause even more grief. Just tell her now and get it over with. It's not your fault that she has jumped to such a ridiculous conclusion without even being asked.

Slimthistime · 28/07/2017 17:03

I wouldn't bring it up unless she does

mad thing to assume and if you hadn't seen the Pinterest board you wouldn't know anyway.

luckylucky24 · 28/07/2017 17:14

If it comes up in convo could you suggest she does a reading instead?

Leeds2 · 28/07/2017 17:16

I would mention who the maid of honour/bridesmaids are, just so that she realises now that she isn't one of them.

Ahickifromkinicki · 28/07/2017 17:21

I think you should find a way to tell her sooner rather than later!

Definitely don't feel guilted into having her as a BM.

bilbobaggi · 28/07/2017 17:27

Find something else she can do (reading? Can she sing? Make something for the cake table?) that way she feels involved and it will soften the blow of saying sorry I've already decided the wedding party but this other thing means a lot to me. But yes a bit rude and presumptuous of her!

Angelf1sh · 28/07/2017 17:33

You need to bring it up now, even though she shouldn't have presumed she will be more upset the closer it is to the wedding. Just tell her that you've seen the post and you think she might have got the wrong end of the stick.

WombOfOnesOwn · 28/07/2017 18:11

An alternate opinion if you've been friends for a long time and only recently fell out, but still intend to be friends for a long time to come, perhaps you should reconsider having her as a bridesmaid? You'd feel very silly if 20 years from now you were still longtime friends and this was the one year where you'd had a wobble, so you didn't get to make her part of your day. If she did really unforgivable things, ok, but she's still your friend it almost seems like you think of this as punishment for her.

SafeToCross · 28/07/2017 18:24

I guess the pinterest board could be one she made back when things were ok?

GinaFordCortina · 28/07/2017 18:34

Depending how awful the things she said were, womb has got a point. If they were beyond the pale then I'd just make sure you mention who the bridesmaids are somehow.

Maybe an email to her letting her know who the maid of honour is and that she will be in touch regarding hen-night?

RebootYourEngine · 28/07/2017 18:51

How long have you been engaged? Have you spoken to her about your wedding/bridesmaids during your engagement?

LovesPeace · 28/07/2017 19:25

Well, I guess you have got your own back on her.
Go you!

fairypuff · 28/07/2017 19:30

I cant understand why anyone would just assume they are a bm, never mind moh! Did u discuss this in the past before your fallout?

Original poster
eirrah · 28/07/2017 20:42

Yep I did say in the past she would be at least a bridesmaid but the things she said when we fell out were very mean and I have forgiven but won't forget! She's a friend but maybe she thinks we are closer than I think we are

OP posts:
FluffyMcCloud · 28/07/2017 20:47

Oh no, this happened with my son's godmother. She assumed she would be, I never asked and hadn't intended to, she was talking about all the things she'd do as godmother, I said nothing, she said "oh, I am going to be godmother aren't I?!" and I did the British thing of saying "duh, yes of course!". So at the christening she was there at the front making all the promises.
So yes, she is my son's godmother and she's not that great... not really involved in his life at all (as I knew she wouldn't be which is why I wasn't going to ask her!!)

Be more assertive than I was!!

SandyY2K · 28/07/2017 20:57

If the fall out was that bad then why bother making up, but still holding it against her as you clearly do.

If you'd truly forgiven her, she would be a bridesmaid like you promised.

I may not be able to forgive, if a friend was so nasty, but I'd likely keep her at arms length and she'd know she had no chance of being a bridesmaid.

Let her know now and if it means you never speak again so be it.