My friend thinks she's my maid of honour - she's not even bridesmaid!

[eirrah]

Ok so I've just discovered my friends Pinterest and she has a board saying "eirrah's wedding" which she has saved loads of maim of honour duties.

I aren't even asking her to be my bridesmaid.

I feel awful but my fiancé says I shouldn't ask her just cos I feel guilty. We've had a lot of ups and downs recently and a year ago then maybe she would have been but I really don't want her to be now. What should I do??

"maim of honour" ...

This is so awkward I feel for you.
How far away is your wedding?
If you have been friends all these years and only fallen out once - do you think you'll be close again by the wedding? I think if you will be you'll regret not asking her and you may actually cause a complete end to your friendship which I'm guessing you don't want.
My best friend of 20 years and I fell out last year (long story but her husband is a lying shit stirrer, she knows that but we've swept it under the carpet as she definitely won't leave him)
We're friends again but not at all like we were and if I was getting married next week I wouldn't have her as bridesmaid, however if it was in 2 years I might consider it as we'd have had a chance to repair our friendship in time

Well, you told her she was going to be a bridesmaid. So you can't blame her really!

You need to decide if you want to keep this friendship. If you do, then I would suck it up and include her as a BM (not maid of honour - I thought it was matron? Is this yet another new trend?) because you already said she would be.

This is going to be awful. Get it over with sooner rather than later op!

tell her.
i HATED being a bridesmaid. it was the one and only time and never again......prima donna bloody bride and it cost me fortune. she might be relieved! tell her!

I don't know why you need to do anything? This is all from a Pinterest board fgs! Just because it's labelled as 'your wedding' doesn't mean everything on there is to do with you, it doesn't mean she's planning on doing anything, it doesn't mean she thinks she's your MOH.

You only need to address it if she brings it up, surely?

Ellisandra it's matron if she's married and maid if she's not.

OP, in the nicest possible way your communication and assertiveness skills sound as though they need some work.

Why haven't you spoken to your friend about how her comments upset you? You say you've 'forgiven but not forgotten' but it sounds as though you've just swept things under the carpet? Are you quite passive generally?

Could it just be hen party or more general BM ideas? If she hasn't got the memo about you being decidedly more chill about the relationship then she might (reasonably, some might say, based on your previous convos) think she's still going to be up there.

Agree that the date of the wedding is relevant and that if it's more than a year away you should hold fire and see how things progress. Shit like this can easily blow friendships apart, so if you do want to salvage it but don't want to have her as a BM you've got to play it carefully. The only way I could see it working and her not being very definitely upset is if you limit BM numbers to 1 or 2, or to your sister or very oldest friend or something.

You're of course entitled to have whoever you want to have, but rightly or wrongly she might take your decision to heart. Depends how bothered you are about that, and if you're not bothered then you've got to ask yourself why you're still hanging about with her.

Tell her ASAP.

She sounds like a nightmare, how assumptive of her