Boys time

[RLV13]

New to this site

Looking for some different opinions

New to dating and dating a lovely guy after a pretty horrendous ex it's taken me long time to even want to go past a first date with someone as I always felt too vulnerable

New guy is pretty much perfect and dating and learning to date I find difficult as I sometimes suffer with anxiety

We see each other once or twice a week (childcare depending) and he always makes time to see me

We message through the day (he also calls) inbetween work

This though has me stumped and I have nothing to compare it to
Is it normal for a guy to have guy time and or him to go completely quiet he meets up with them couple of times a week
They go for food grab a pizza meet up etc but he will always be silent and I won't hear a word from him
Depending on what time he gets home he may message sometimes not until the next morning

The exclusivity of relationship I'm not concerned about nor is it a trust thing .. He has almost certainly said we are only dating each other and hasn't given me any reason to suspect anything different

Thanks ladies x

Yes, it's fine. Imagine you're out with your friends, would you wanna be on ya phone or enjoying time with the girls?

My partner goes quiet when he's with his friends, I might get the occasional message but I don't hound him so will get a message in the morning.

Xxz

Yes normal.

Thanks for replying

I've definitely not pushed him and tried to appear cool calm and collected not pestered etc
And kinda waited for him to message when he can

I can totally get that too

I try to hard not to carry old skeletons from what my little ones dad did (narcissist Cheater) he would be quiet and I found out the gory truth 2 years later
But find it really hard

That coupled with the fact I'm like a dating dummy 🙈

Yes normal and also very healthy. He sounds like a decent guy.

Don't worry sweets, we all feel like that.

But don't tar everyone with the same brush. Your partner seems quite decent. Enjoy your breaks and just wish him a happy evening.

My partner found it really refreshing that he wasn't hounded when he went out, he would even brag to his friends how I'd leave him be, which scored me brownie points with the friends. Hah

Thanks ladies I'm so glad I joined up your replies have made me feel so much better

I have left him be when he's been with the guys unless he messages and kept it light and cheery

He was lovely earlier today as sent him a small gift and he had said how thoughtful it was and he as never had anyone do something like that (it was small and cost next to nothing but a little personalised thing)
And called before he went out with the lads

It's definitely moving in the right direction I just get anxious

Such as when do you have the "what are we conversation etc"

Really really am a dating dummy 😂🙈

Aww, I feel ya. I'm terribly anxious. So defo know how you feel and it sounds like you've had a hard time prior to this new guy.

Oh! The "what are we" convo, that's always an anxious time. I do remember that convo. Hah

I think we had it early on (I'd say a month)

I really wanted to snap him up and he felt the same way, so we got that convo out the way.

Thanks grooves

Yeah definitely been through the mill a bit
Found out very early into marriage with little ones dad he had cheated before during and after I had my son and it never stopped

Emotionally abusive you name it

I'm in such a good place and it's been so long since I've even wanted a guy near me so this is a welcomed if not scary change
I'm not used to a guy who makes me feel good happy secure and I think most of the insecurity or anxiety is definitely on my part
Potentially this huge wall I put up to protect myself

I don't even know how to approach the subject we've dated for nearly 2 months he's established we're not seeing other people etc but I don't know if I just leave it at that and let it progress or do I bring up "what are we" I don't want to appear needy or have read the signs wrong or feel rejected xx

2 months is early for the Conversation. Just carry on being light and breezy and let him be the one motivated to bring it up.

He sounds like a good guy. I think you should mention the anxiety at some stage.
Grooves is spot on

I wouldn't say it's needy nor desperate. It's establishing where you are.

The fact neither of you are dating anyone else is a really positive sign, he sounds keen.

Maybe approach the subject in a month, depending how you feel.

im really sorry you went through that, you sound really lovely and didn't deserve to be treated that way.

It's great that you've found someone nice, you sound happy and he sounds like a good man.

You sound quite like me, I was single 3 years after splitting with ex partner and just concentrated on being a mommy. It felt easier than dating.

He knows the basics (ex background) and I also know his
I haven't covered it in detail as to be honest it's pretty gnarly and most people I have told in the past male or female have been horrified 😂 so I'm sure that is something that will come up in time

I think I'm going to try and continue breezy and chilled and not bring it up (the label stuff)

Thanks grooves likewise you seem lovely and thanks so much for replying I thought people would think I'm stupid

I've never used forums before always relied on my girlfriends for advice but sometimes they are a little too close to home and they are so protective over me and my little caged heart

More so now that they know I'm over the first date curse (where I would leg it) they are all so keen to get me to lock this guy down 🙈
I don't want him to feel like I'm trying to lock him in a cage

To add though new guy is coming to a friends do with me and arranged a trip in October for a couple of days so he really is lovely I just need to stop my anxious mind

I think sometimes I try to bolt away to stop myself getting hurt it's almost like I'm scared to develop feelings for anyone xx

i think most people feel that way when they come out of a bad situation. I think I was pretty bitter, and shunned relationships as I decided I didn't believe in them.

I think time's a great healer, it's a cliché but I think it works. You work better on yourself and decide how you want things to be. i don't think it all goes to plan but you get an idea of what you want in the future.

Anxiety is a pain. How do you manage it? Just take it as it is?

Anxiety is a horrible illness. I have it and I hate it. Medication keeps the worst at bay but it's not pleasant.

Pretty much grooves

My anxiety is cocktailed with a bit of OCD too which a control thing
Things out of my control (such a "what are we") make me stressed and trigger anxiety

Have always refused to be medicated for it as I can't stare into a packet of pills every day

When my anxiety is really bad my BD (body dysmophia) also can flare up

I'm like a walking headache 😂
Have seen a behavioural therapist in the past who diagnosed all 3 conditions and said they seem to feed each other all directly caused by the things my ex did

I'm a million percent better than I was I had no self control before whereas I do now

Hunted68 have to agree with you there

There are days where I can't switch my brain off at all and I get more and more stressed and anxious

I do train in the gym 5/6 times a week it gives me focus and control over myself which makes me feel better also keeps the BD (body dysmorphia) at bay too x

Mine is a control thing and I'll imagine things that aren't happening, or worry they're gunna happen and they don't.

I'm so used to it now, I hate it though.

Would you say you may have low self esteem? Reason I ask is on my worst days, I do and I wondered, if you did. If so, how do you handle it
and manage it?

Xxx

CBT was useful for me as it taught me to park worries that I had no control over and to not to fear the worse with everything. Mine is stress related I think. I'm not sure it will ever go away.

Definitely Hun my self esteem is terrible and self doubt could probably say my views of myself make me wonder whether I'm punching above my weight with this new guy and wondering when he's going to drop me on my backside

Not sure if that is due to past relationship or if I've always been that way
I used to be about 8 stone heavier than I am
Now (another body dysmorphia trigger) the more weight I lost the worse it became

I've had a fair few cosmetic treatments done to try and make me feel better and "self improve" it definitely made me
Feel better but did it cure it? Nope just
Made me look harder at what else I could change about myself
The crazy thing being though that I'm Mose comfortable in my comfy clothes no makeup on and relaxed in my own environment

I gym regularly 5/6 times a week to keep in control of myself and sometimes my mind that definitely helps it's a stress reliever and I use pretty heavy weight sessions

I wonder whether my anxiety with new guy is a self esteem thing too 🤔 bloody hell why is it not easy 😩

Hunted

Cbt showed me my triggers and what makes me tick control is the biggest thing for me
And also worrying about things that haven't happened or that I can't control and thinking the worst

It's refreshing to see it's not just me .. i used to wonder if it was only my mind that used to tick this much x

i am seriously relating to you.

I had surgery on boobs after breastfeeding and it hasn't made a difference, i don't like them so keep them covered most of the time. (They're just bigger)

I sometimes feel I'm punching, some days I do feel good and feel happy to be with him, but other days I'm needing reassurence that he's happy or that I'm better than so and so. I hate it when I'm like that)

I think that's the worst for me, to feel that unhappy with myself. I'd hate for anyone to not feel pretty or to compare themselves. So why do we do it? We're our own worst enemies.

Xx

My anxiety with my partner started flared up due to his ex being around at the beginning. She wanted him back and wouldn't accept he'd moved on.

It's caused a massive insecurity in me. She isn't around now but I worry a lot about it.

Oh yes!

One tummy tuck (from the weight loss) one top set of dental veneers breast enlargement Botox lip filler later and I'm still like right ... why don't I look like that girl on instagram with the perfect bum and skin 🙈

It's terrible!!!!!

There's days where I feel so content and days where i think I wonder if people look at me or him stood next to each other and think I'm punching or will a nicer looking girl sweep him off his feet

I sound mental 😳🙄

He has said to me before "you're beautiful" and that he fancied me more with no makeup on

What more do I want?
I know ... to switch this anxious brain off that right now is thinking "I wonder if he sees it going anywhere" xx