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Original poster

My partner wants to go travelling I have concerns am I being unreasonable.

57 replies

Cworthington · 26/07/2017 22:36

Hi Mum's net, my partner ( of 18years) wants to go off travelling around South America with one of his guy friends. He wants to go for a month and leave me holding the fort with my 2 teenage kids and I work full time. I think he is being selfish . Our relationship has not been an easy one he has cheated on me in the past . One of these times was when he last travelled abroad. Which is one of the reasons I don't want him to go. I don't mind a long weekend but I think what he is doing is ridiculous. He says he is going anyway whether I like it or not. Am I being unreasonable.

OP posts:
NC4now · 26/07/2017 22:38

I take it he's not the kids' dad?

HerOtherHalf · 26/07/2017 22:38

Someone who says "I'm going to do what i want and to hell with what you think" is not a partner.

ImperialBlether · 26/07/2017 22:38

Does he work?

I think if he's cheated before and he's going now whether you like it or not then he can't be trusted at all.

You could tell him to take the two kids with him!

Loopytiles · 26/07/2017 22:39

Does he work FT too? Is his proposed trip affordable? Are DC all well and doing Ok (as teens go!)?

He has cheated on you in the past with more than one OW. YANBU to no longer trust him.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 26/07/2017 22:41

I'd tell him to go and not come back.

Original poster
Cworthington · 26/07/2017 22:42

Yes he is the children's father. He didn't work for a while then he opened his own business. It is a quiet time which is why he wants to close it in the winter and travel for a month.

OP posts:
category12 · 26/07/2017 22:44

What would he say if you wanted to do the same?

BadTasteFlump · 26/07/2017 22:44

He is not your partner, he is a cock lodger.

You don't trust him and with good reason.

He doesn't care about your feelings (he's going whether you like it or not).

Why have you put up with 18 years of this man child?

Original poster
Cworthington · 26/07/2017 22:47

He never used to let me do anything or go out, he has since said that I can travel if I want although he knows fine well I have the kids to provide for and the house and have no spare money.
We separated for a while and I am asking myself why I ever let him back.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2017 22:50

Tell him to enjoy his trip and not to bother coming back home.

category12 · 26/07/2017 22:52

It sounds like he doesn't feel he has to support his own dc and the home you share?

If that's the case, I would let him go alright - he just wouldn't be moving back in when he returned.

Pallisers · 26/07/2017 22:52

Why not just separate from him?

Loopytiles · 26/07/2017 22:56

LTB

Hermonie2016 · 26/07/2017 22:56

This could be reasonable if there was equity and trust.

Without those things you feel resentful.

How is he paying for the trip?

Original poster
Cworthington · 26/07/2017 23:04

I often wonder why I hadn't separated before. He has not been a very reliable partner over the years and he knows that.
He has taken advantage of my easy going nature. We separated for a while when he decided he wanted to be on his own, had a mid life crisis, I was heartbroken as I only ever wanted to be a happy family. But I picked myself up and got on with things.

He asked to came back, he wasn't happy on his own , the grass was not greener and decided I was ' actually a good person to settle down with'

I was wary about letting him home, but I thought I would give him a chance for the children's sake.
Everything was great for a while but things went down hill before Christmas when I found out about the OW and how badly they fell out. She contacted me to tell me. I was annoyed at myself, had I been aware of her I would never have let him back, but it had been over for months and we had been getting on much better.

However, I have difficulty trusting him and now he has brought up that he wants to go travelling . I have nothing but resentment for him.

Part of me is hurt that he doesn't want to go places with me.

OP posts:
eggsandwich · 26/07/2017 23:05

I'd say fine, make sure you take all your clothes and belongings, as you sure as hell won't be coming back here!

It's totally unacceptable for him to swan off without you considering his previous track record, he really does think there are no consequences to his actions, time to give him a wake up call but if I was you I'd call time on the relationship as your never going to know what he really got up too and the wondering will just eat away at you.

Chickydoo · 26/07/2017 23:06

Travel is an amazing experience, I think he should go, why don't you do a bit of traveling too? Life is short, enjoy it while you can I reckon.

Needsomeflapjacks · 26/07/2017 23:08

Let him go - for good.

Get a dog - always makes for a welcome family addition.

Unlike a cheating selfish twat. .

Ellisandra · 26/07/2017 23:16

Definitely let him go.
Then you get the time to remind yourself that life is absolutely fine without him. Better, in fact.
He sounds like a total arse.

ImperialBlether · 26/07/2017 23:25

One thing - if you make the decision to end it (rather than him making that decision) you'll feel a lot better; a lot more in control of things.

Personally I think you deserve much, much better than this selfish, lazy, deceitful man.

Original poster
Cworthington · 26/07/2017 23:39

I couldn't even begin to tell you some of the selfish things he has done over the years, when I say it out loud I can't even believe it myself. And I ask myself why I have tolerated it. Sometimes you can't see the wood for the trees. I am always resolving drama he has caused. I am just tired now, I am over 40 and cannot be bothered with his selfishness anymore.

He has struggled to settle and be a parent, the responsibility of family life is a daily battle for him. He was never meant to be in a committed relationship and his mentality is actually better suited to the life of a single guy.

I think I just have to let him go now. I can't live any more with the knot in my stomach wondering what he is doing. It is exhausting.

L

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2017 23:44

Just imagine how much better your life will be just one year from today. Every additional day spent with this man is just delaying the inevitable. Why waste one more minute?

ZenNudist · 26/07/2017 23:45

Im relieved for you OP. You've already realised youre better off without him. Sounds like he doesnt pull hus weight or have any benefits. Move on.

Perhaps him travelling and then coming back to his own place means you can keep the split amicable.

He'll be pretty sick when you move on with your life too.

AtSea1979 · 26/07/2017 23:47

YANBU LTB

Josuk · 27/07/2017 00:22

Without the background story - and is some sort of special circumstances - say a person always dreamt of climbing X, crossing Y, friends birthday, a special challenge --- I won't stand in a way of partner fulfilling their dream.
Also - I don't think by keeping people close, or keeping tubs on them - you can prevent cheating. If they want to do it - they'll find a way.

So - if the only reason for you not wanting him to go is that he can't be trusted not to stray - than I'd say your relationship is doomed. And it's almost irrelevant if he goes or not.

If him going puts you under strain, physically and financially - that, for me, is a more valid reason to object.

Seems like this trip bacame a battle of wills between you. Yet another not great sign.

Sorry, OP

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