My partner wants to go travelling I have concerns am I being unreasonable.

[Cworthington]

Hi Mum's net, my partner ( of 18years) wants to go off travelling around South America with one of his guy friends. He wants to go for a month and leave me holding the fort with my 2 teenage kids and I work full time. I think he is being selfish . Our relationship has not been an easy one he has cheated on me in the past . One of these times was when he last travelled abroad. Which is one of the reasons I don't want him to go. I don't mind a long weekend but I think what he is doing is ridiculous. He says he is going anyway whether I like it or not. Am I being unreasonable.

Let him go! Just don't let him come back. He doesn't sound worth it.

This wouldn't be a problem in a good and strong partnership. Yours isn't and I'm glad you're seeing that now and realise that's your real issue.

Yanbu Ltb and concentrate on doing a little travelling yourself...find your happy!
Resentment is a hard place to get back from...it festers and festers and you'll make yourself sick. Have a little travel project for yourself with/without gf's...start ticking off your bucketlist and don't give him another thought. Good luck OP

Sure sounds like you don't need this guy, and your life will be a whole lot better without him. Set him free. If he comes back, make sure you've changed the locks!

Goodness, this relationship isn't a partnership at all, is it. "You're a good person to settle down with?" - thing is, he's not!

You need to stop thinking about what he's suited to/what he wants and start putting yourself (and your children) first - because clearly noone else is going to. You have many years of life left - potentially you're less than halfway through - please stop allowing this man to dictate how things will be.

It sounds like you're moving towards ending the relationship. I'd advise getting your ducks in a row first - if need be seek financial/legal advice on how things stand wrt property, money, child maintenance etc. Once you are armed with all that knowledge you can inform him that the relationship is over.

Please don't make this an "if you go travelling, the relationship is over" ultimatum - once you're ready, make a unilateral decision, remove yourself as an option for him, you've made your decision and it's not up for discussion.

Honestly I'm pretty livid on your behalf. Find that anger, channel it into forging yourself a new life without this sad excuse for a man dragging you down all the time.

Oh one more point - don't think in terms of "let him go", "set him free" etc. He's not a wild animal you've trapped and are keeping captive against his will. He's a grown ass man, you're the mother of his children offering him a stable life partnership, he is abusing that offering and you are removing it as an option for him. Take control back.

Let him go on his travels and while he's gone pack up all his belongings and change the locks.

In a healthy relationship, this wouldn't be a problem & I'd actively encourage it but, this doesn't sound equal.

Reading your posts OP, it sounds like you know this relationship is over.
Be strong.

It's not great HE has money to travel, yet YOU are the one responsible for kids and home!

How can you call it a relationship if he has £££ to travel, and you don't?

He sounds like he does not care about you.

You don't need that crap

The scales are falling from your eyes. Hopefully soon you'll realise that the 'love ' you feel for this essentially unloveable person is actually a cocktail of emotions, none of which are positive.

Take control of your life. This man has no right to make you miserable. Stop the madness. Get financial advice (without him knowing- he is the enemy in this scenario and loose lips sink ships). Do not assume he is your friend let alone your partner. You're a domestic appliance in his eyes, not a beloved life partner.

The grass will be greener for you!

Where is the money coming from to fund his travel costs and loss of income whilst he is away?

Thanks everyone for your input. It is good to hear what other's views are.
Before we separated we had ( or so I thought) the ideal life, I have a good career , we have 2 lovely kids, we had a beautiful big house. I still work out and keep fit and active. What more do you want?!

He had lost his job and while I was out at work he was having a relationship with a student he met who was less than half his age, such a cliche. At the time I was unaware , he said he was depressed and wanted a break and decided he wanted to be on his own so the house was sold we went our separate ways. Obviously the real reason being because he was lying to this woman and it was too difficult to maintain sharing a house with me.

I was heartbroken, but bought a little cottage as a renovation project for me and the kids and just got on with things. But we kept in regular contact. ( I still didn't know about her)

Anyway after a while he said he wanted to move back with me and the kids, he used his share of the house sale to open his business. He seemed sorry he had left and was keen to get back together and be with his family.

Things were good for the first 10 months or so until the OW got in touch with me, they had falllen out in an unpleasant way and had been sending horrible texts and emails to each other. She wanted me to intervene and resolve it claiming, she thought I knew about her all along.

Up until that point we seemed happy again. Since that came out and all the details of the sordid past I just struggle to believe him when he says anything now. Even though he insists he is not doing anything. I feel humiliated I didn't see it and had I known I would never have let him come back. But the trouble was I only became aware after it was long over .

I am paranoid now that he is still pulling the wool over my eyes. We barely communicate now, I try and talk to him but he can't deal with my 'heavy conversations'

He has been planning this trip while I am at work, I don't even know the details of it he has just said he is going away for a month.

It is the lack of consideration for me in even asking my views or listening to my concerns that are really upsetting.... who does that?

The good thing is I don't actually need him for anything, I have my own house, car, job and friends . The sad thing is I only want to be a happy family.

You will never have a happy family life with him at all around. He cannot, has not and will not give you that.

So he has cashed in his half for his business and the trip, whilst living at your cost in the house you bought with your half?

Ouch

So you split up, divided the money, you bought a little cottage and he started a business.

Then he moved into your little cottage and uses the money from his business to go travelling without you.

Is that right?

Are you divorced? If not yet, could he again claim half of your half (current home) whilst he pisses his money away?

Can you make sure you see a solicitor and protect your assets?

This came up with my DP and I said he could absolutely go as long as it was okay that I did the same the following year.

I would hope he doesn't have a claim on your current house CWorthington? Seeing as he used his half of the original house to buy his business.

You are in the enviable position of not actually needing him financially or for child care, so just tell him to go on and be that free agent he seems to think he should be - and welcome.

Just wish I could be a fly on the wall when he realises you mean it

^ This being said my DP is a brilliant partner. Yours quite clearly isn't which I think makes a massive difference.

TBH with all the back story of your OH I'd have LTB long ago!

If he does claim a share of the house, presumable you would claim a share of his business (maybe not worth so much though eh?)

I would also urge you, as pp have done, to take legal advice and try and go for a clean break arrangement, otherwise he will be making claims on your pension too.

Op should be fairly safe financially as she's referred to partner not husband.

Phew - let's hope so.

Hi yes, can confirm there are no legal issues.