Not sure where to start, apologies if this is all over the place.
I'm not happy in my marriage, my dh can't have any type of conversation with me where our views differ without him rolling his eyes, dismissing my opinions or being hurtful. If I try to point out that thats what always happens, he'll start with the 'oh here we go again' 'you're always fucking right' (in horrible sarcastic sneer) 'dont start' or 'give over' and I just can't say anything without him basically leaving me feeling shaken, unliked and disrespected.
We have two young children together who adore him and he dotes on, but I can't help but feel like that's irrelevant to a point if I feel like I'm walking in eggshells. I'm a SAHM, and feel trapped, my career has gone down the drain and earning potential with two young children who'd both need substantial childcare if I went back to work (both preschool age) is minimal. I've never claimed benefits, dh earns above the threshold for us to be entitled to anything.
I can't even visualise what life as a single parent might look like in terms of finance and living arrangements and spilt custody, but I need to open up some sort of dialogue with him otherwise I'm going to end up telling him to shove the whole fucking thing up his arse and telling him I want a divorce.
I went to bed in tears last night in the children's room while he went to bed without so much as an acknowledgment that he'd been an arse, his parting shot was ' oh so now you're going to tell me how to have a debate as well'. I'd said he hadn't listened to what I'd just said when I responded to him and had just carried on with what he was saying without acknowledging my point of view. Sounds petty written down but it's so wearing every single time we talk about anything that I don't agree with him on. It's also the implication by the 'as well' that I make everything difficult, I just think if he dislikes my company that much maybe we just shouldn't be together as it's hurtful to me and he obviously doesn't like me that much anyway.
I honestly don't know how to start the conversation without him traipsing out one of his stock responses and getting angry and accusing me of making it all about me, or being told I'm playing the poor old me victim card... I just can't shut him down when he starts that because there's no recourse apart from playing into it by saying how hurtful and dismissive is which he then uses as evidence of how right he is...
Don't know what I'm really asking for but writing it down helps in itself.