Not sure what to think

[PinkHippo94]

Last night we were in bed cuddling, then I turned over to try and go to sleep. Once I had turned over my husband grabbed onto my arms and rolled me back, pinned my arms while trying to suck on my nipple and touch me, I had told him repeatedly that I didn't want to do anything and I asked him to stop but he didn't. I managed to free one of my arms and started trying to push him off but he was stronger than me, I was telling him to stop that I didn't want to do anything, but it was kind of playful, then he put his fingers inside of me, I was trying to push him away and get them out, and I did but then he put his penis inside instead. I kept saying I don't want to have sex, and he said "well it's in now isn't it?" I said that I didn't want it in and after a few minutes he eventually took it out. Then I rolled away and he stormed off downstairs. I feel really uneasy and awkward about what happened and I'm not really sure what to think. Just wanted to get my thoughts out and tell someone.

What you are describing is rape - sex without your consent - and you were clear with him that you weren't consenting. I don't have any big advice but really hope you are ok. Has this sort of thing happened before?

Yeah it isn't the first time, but he's never just forced himself into me before, usually just touching me to try and get me in the mood and I usually just go along with it because it's easier than fighting. It was the first time it's gone this far.

Just feel really broken and upset, feel like it's my fault because we haven't had much of a sex life since we had our daughter 6 months ago, really struggling in general to be honest and this on top has just made me feel worthless and like I don't matter.

It's not your fault, it's his. He raped you.
Have you anyone to call on for support?

Im so sorry this happened to you, as a pp has said, this was rape. You said no, he continued and used his physical strength to do so. I would at the very least be telling him to find somewhere else to sleep as I couldn't share a bed with a man who thought that behaviour was ok. This would be the end of our relationship.

Yes, please tell someone that you trust, we can virtually support you, but you need real life support. A lot of people with babies have no sex life, this does not excuse his behaviour. Hugs for you, but suggest as well as here, you speak to a trusted friend xx

He raped you. I'm so sorry

Please consider calling Rape Crisis and/or the police.

Can you leave him? Please do if you can

If someone else described this happening to them, what would you think ?

I came back to suggest Rape Crisis or Women's Aid. Sorry if my last post sounded dismissive, it's just without knowing your circumstances there's only so much mumsnet can do. Do you have somewhere else you can stay tonight? Or that HE can go to?

OP I am so sorry that this happened. There's no easy way to say what we are all saying but he raped you. I'm a lawyer and there is absolutely no doubt that this was rape. Please get some help. My experience tells me that this is very likely to be repeated. It is NOT your fault and you do not have to make any excuses for what he has done.

I cannot begin to imagine your dilemma in whether or not to report him but for what it's worth I think you should. Whatever you decide to do please get some help.

It's horrible to say but your husband is a rapist.
Plain and simple.
This is NOT your fault.
You did nothing wrong at all here.
You says it's not the first time but it is now escalating.
Abusers often show themselves during their partners pregnancy or shortly after giving birth.
This will NOT improve.
Get onto Rape Crisis and Womens Aid and plan your exit.
No-one on here will tell you to stay with a rapist.
I'm so sorry.

I've been wanting to leave for a while, I've been unhappy for some time, but I'm scared. Scared to leave scared to stay. I don't really have anyone to talk to. Just feel so alone. I'm terrified of being a single parent because to be honest I'm struggling at the moment with help. Some days just feel so hard and long.

I've been wanting to leave for a while, I've been unhappy for some time, but I'm scared. Scared to leave scared to stay. I don't really have anyone to talk to. Just feel so alone. I'm terrified of being a single parent because to be honest I'm struggling at the moment with help. Some days just feel so hard and long.

You have support services to talk to.
Use them.
That is what they are there for.
Don't be scared to reach out.
You don't have to take any action yet.
Just talk to the right people who can help and support you if you need it.

Thanks guys. I'm gonna get in touch with someone, I really need to talk to someone about everything, feel so low at the moment but I want to be strong for my baby girl. Really appreciate all of the advice.

I hope you get the help you need.
Keep reaching out here if you need to.

You have the bravery to do this. You don't want a home where this happens! Womens Aid may be able to help. I'm sorry I'm not full of ideas but I wanted to say that we are with you to support you xxxx.

Women's Aid OP, now, the man is raping you, no man whether you've been married to him for 100 years has the right to treat you so appallingly, please also find someone in RL, they will want to help you.

How are you doing OP? 🌺

Not great, spoke to a close friend about it and was kind of brushed off like it was nothing. Kept my distance from him and deciding my next move. I know I should leave but it so much harder than just going. I'm also a little worried at the moment that I might be pregnant again, a couple weeks ago he didn't use a condom when I had asked him to. Just have a lot of things running through my mind at the moment and I just don't know what to do next.

It's weird because until the incident happened I didn't think anything of the other times when I've been guilted or coerced into doing stuff and now I'm looking back over our entire relationship and questioning everything.

Worried everyone is going to be disappointed with me for not leaving yet.

I'm sorry your friend was not more supportive...
Not disappointed you've not left (I appreciate it must seem scary), just hope you're ok and safe. i do still think you should try women's aid or rape crisis. Mumsentters will be here to hand hold
xx

Leaving is hard.Many of us know that. Nobody here is going to judge you.

But staying, in crap situation, that's way harder.

No judgment here for not leaving, your circumstances are v difficult particularly as you may be pregnant again. Plus I imagine that your head must be all over the place processing what's happened and reflecting on your past. Having a v young baby can be overwhelming in itself without the emotional wrangle of an event like you've experienced. Do you have any family or friends who can support you?

What are your circumstances in terms of housing? Do you own or rent? Could you afford it alone?

Your friend was wrong and unkind to brush you off but that doesn't change what happened.

How has OH behaved since this happened?