Not sure what to think

[PinkHippo94]

Last night we were in bed cuddling, then I turned over to try and go to sleep. Once I had turned over my husband grabbed onto my arms and rolled me back, pinned my arms while trying to suck on my nipple and touch me, I had told him repeatedly that I didn't want to do anything and I asked him to stop but he didn't. I managed to free one of my arms and started trying to push him off but he was stronger than me, I was telling him to stop that I didn't want to do anything, but it was kind of playful, then he put his fingers inside of me, I was trying to push him away and get them out, and I did but then he put his penis inside instead. I kept saying I don't want to have sex, and he said "well it's in now isn't it?" I said that I didn't want it in and after a few minutes he eventually took it out. Then I rolled away and he stormed off downstairs. I feel really uneasy and awkward about what happened and I'm not really sure what to think. Just wanted to get my thoughts out and tell someone.

Haven't really anyone to support me, we own our house and I definitely could not afford it alone, especially as at the moment I am on maternity. He has been okay since it happened, he hasn't tried anything again, and like I said I'm trying to keep my distance, and I'm focusing all my attention on our baby.

It's a very difficult situation when you have no support and you're financially dependent- as most people are with young children.

Might be an idea to speak to a support service who may be able to provide some practical as well as emotional support,

Thinking of you

The main issue is that he doesn't think he's done anything wrong, which in my head he's either trying to make me think I've got the wrong end of the stick or he genuinely doesn't understand how and why what he did was wrong. Either way it's a massive red flag and I'm definitely scared it's going to happen again, if it was just me I had to worry about then I would go, but I have a dependant. Really helps being able to talk on here and so lovely how supportive you all are.

He obviously thinks sex with is wife is his given right whether you want it or not.
Have you told him you feel totally violated and that it is NO different from him meeting a girl at a party n doing that. No is no, no matter what the circumstances.
I feel for you.

You need to speak to a professional person to get help and advice.
You must be feeling so lost and confused and hurt.
Also speak to your Doctor about how you feel in general he may be able to help and suggest things.
Congratulations on your baby girl n try to enjoy every minute.
Sorry I can't actually help you but think of you. 🙏🏽x

No-one on here will judge you for not leaving immediately!
So many on here know just how hard it is.
Stats show it takes 7+ attempts to leave an abusive relationship.
And the rape situation worsens as he didn't use a condom when you asked him to.
That's just awful.
Do you think you may show a positive test now if you did one?
You need to think through your options in case you are pregnant.
The sooner you act the better.

I've told him how I feel and that no means no, and he tried to put it back on me as though it was my fault, I just said no means no and that is that, I shouldn't have to be fighting my husband off of me. He looked as though he understood but like I said he doesn't think it was wrong so who knows. I did a pregnancy test and thought I could see the faintest line but it's probably my mind playing tricks on me because I'm so stressed right now.

Aaagh! Just deleted post by mistake!

Anyway, all I can say is that for entirely different reasons I almost left DP when DD was 1. He's not physically abusive but can be depressed, emotionally cold and selfish.
In darker times I wish I had done it when DD was younger (she's now 7). As time goes on chidlren form greater attachments to their routines, houses, schools and friends etc so that's something to consider. Plus I think would I want DD to be in a relationship like ours and the answer to that isn't always yes. 😔

I honestly couldn't face the emotional upheaval of a separation, relocation etc at the time.
Also - and I am not proud to say this - I just couldn't face the prospect of separate holidays, Christmases etc. My DPs had the most horrendous, acrimonious divorce and I was v afraid of repeating the cycle.

Maybe the time isn't right for you to go now but it doesn't mean it never will be. I don't know how volatile your OH is but it might be worth pointing out to him that he could be prosecuted for what he's done (he could, even now). 🌺X

If you're not pregnant, please get on some contraception as soon as you can.

You do have some power here: rape in marriage has been illegal since 1991. You could go to the police and get legal assistance to have him removed from the home. I wholly understand if that's not a route you wish to go, but just so you know there are options.

Please speak to Rape Crisis and get some support. Your friend probably didn't know what to say, our closest can be hopeless with this kind of issue.

You may feel like you wouldn't be able to cope without him, but this hasn't been an isolated incident and his abuse of you may be a significant reason for why you feel like you can't cope.

Hope you find your way through .

I meant 'even now' as in several days later x