Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I being stupid?

40 replies

Grooves · 25/07/2017 20:43

Last weekend my partner got incredibly drunk pretty much all weekend! I was really upset about it as he's a big drinker anyway and his driving can get out of hand. (Drink all day and the day after)

He was all sorry on the Monday, came to mine super poorly and in a bad way! Promised he wouldn't go drinking with the person he was drinking with at the weekend! Knowing him like I do, I know it's bullshit! But I hoped he would be strong.

He was good for a week, told the man he'd been drinking with that he wasn't gunna be drinking with him anymore.

So cut to today! He's drinking with the guy he said he wouldn't! What my partner does is up to him but I feel let down! I had to deal with him being ill whilst this other person didn't give a fuck! My partner says he has control and won't be drinking to excess. It's not even about that! It's the bullshit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Grooves · 25/07/2017 20:44

Question being, am I right to be upset or am I being a bore?

OP posts:
Original poster
Grooves · 25/07/2017 21:22

....

OP posts:
SmartyPants0 · 25/07/2017 21:29

Hi Grooves, it sounds like your partner is an alcoholic, and with the best will in the world he will need help to give up. Will he consider AA?

There is a group for partners that you can join.
I wish I had some good advice for you, my ex had a similar problem... I divorced him because he would not / could not change.

Do you have children?

Original poster
Grooves · 25/07/2017 21:31

When he's feeling sorry for himself, he'll say he has a problem but doesn't do anything about it.

We don't have children together.

OP posts:
squirreltrap · 25/07/2017 21:34

Cut your losses and move on

There's nothing you can do to change his behaviour. It's his choice. He might pay lip service to you but clearly doesn't want to change.

You either take him as he is, or leave him to it.

Original poster
Grooves · 25/07/2017 21:38

When we got together, I knew he drank and he drank like he does now but had higher morals. Now he's like a tramp in the gutter.

OP posts:
HellonHeels · 25/07/2017 21:39

Is this the third thread you've started about him? I really don't think he is worth this amount of effort and stress. Sorry OP but IMO you would feel a lot better without him dragging you down.

Original poster
Grooves · 25/07/2017 21:40

/: yeah it is.

OP posts:
Lobsterquadrille2 · 25/07/2017 21:59

Hi OP, if he's an alcoholic then he will get worse over time as it's a progressive illness. He could change if he really wanted to, either by AA or similar, but conversely if he's not interested in stopping then there is nothing you can do. Have you thought of going to an Al Anon meeting for support?

Original poster
Grooves · 25/07/2017 22:02

I dunno what he wants to do! I'm sick of hearing it. He's all broken promises, but then just gives in.

OP posts:
Fruitcocktail6 · 25/07/2017 22:03

What advice do you want OP? You've started three threads and the advice has all been pretty much the same.

C0untDucku1a · 25/07/2017 22:09

Op move on. You dont have children. You dont live toghther. You know he bullshits you. Save yourself the bother

Aquamarine1029 · 25/07/2017 22:21

You don't "have" to deal with him, you choose to? WHY? Why do you allow his alcoholism to control your life and your happiness. You have no children with this man, THANK GOD, so there is no reason on earth to tolerate this behaviour. Dump him! Literally right now.

squirreltrap · 25/07/2017 22:22

I think you think you can change him?

Be such a good person that he'll finally see how amazing life could be with you?

That won't happen. He's choosing something else...booze

Original poster
Grooves · 25/07/2017 22:27

I've tried for the past year to be that! Been the house wife he wanted, paid for stuff, treated his daughter well and I've had it all thrown in my face, time and time again.

OP posts:
NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 25/07/2017 22:29

Then why stay?

You're getting nothing.

Just move on.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/07/2017 22:43

So are you going to waste ANOTHER year? Time you will never, ever get back. Wasted on this useless man.

Original poster
Grooves · 25/07/2017 22:46

He doesn't see why I'm upset. His excuse is "I'm just going out for a few, it's a sunny evening" it's the fact he lied, it's barely been a week and he's already let me down.

I knew he wouldn't get it. They never do.

OP posts:
user1488575338 · 25/07/2017 22:51

So make this the last let down and end it with him.

Hermonie2016 · 25/07/2017 22:55

He can't get better without intensive help as willpower isn't enough.

Unless he gets help he will continue to drink and it's likely to get worse.

Have you had your final straw moment yet?

Original poster
Grooves · 25/07/2017 22:58

I dunno if this is it? (Final straw)

I sound so weak but I don't wanna let go of the dream I had, I wanted to live with him and have that family setting. Maybe I just want that family setting and hoped he'd do the honours. /:

OP posts:
timis · 25/07/2017 23:39

Grooves, he's not a good bet to have a family with, I think you know that. You're a nice person, I've seen you give good advice, you're kind, which is why you're putting up with him, even though he's bad for you in lots of ways.

YOU need to start really thinking about what's best for YOU, because he's not going to. I know it's said a lot on here..."You're worth so much more than this", but in your case it's absolutely true, you are.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2017 01:09

What more do you need to know about this man? How many times have you posted on this site looking for advice? Far too many. I wonder why you insist on allowing your life to be made miserable because of this man. Why do you ask for advice and then continue to ignore it? What is it that you need for us to say? That you're being stupid? Then I'll say it. You're being stupid. At this point you are asking for all of the misery and bullshit you're getting. So stop being stupid already. Love yourself more than you love all of this bullshit drama.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 26/07/2017 01:14

If you want that dream that family setting you will have to find it with someone else, you can never have it with this drunkard. Get rid and get on with finding someone better.

thestamp · 26/07/2017 01:40

I have read so much about this man on mn recently...

I really can't understand why you are bothering with him. He sounds properly feckless.