Feel so broken.

[user128057]

So I've posted on here before about my long distance relationship. I've been speaking to a guy for 3 years and since October we have been in a relationship. He has two completely different personalities, the person I meet in real life and the person on text.

We've had our fair share of arguments ( mainly due to my paranoia and insecurity and his attitude towards that). He becomes verbally abusive telling me to fuck off, calls me a fucking dickhead and I should fucking grow up.

This may not seem much but I've helped him out so much. I've cleared his debts, put food on the table and kept a roof over his head. I also paid for his family's Christmas presents. He doesn't work so I've been the fool supporting him for the last year.

It breaks my heart to think that he thinks so little of me. I need to leave but I'm frightened of being alone for the rest of my life. As I've mentioned before I'm in a wheelchair, which means I find this whole dating thing incredibly hard. He's ruined me so much. He's made me feel unloved and unwanted and I wish I could explain how badly I'm hurting. I've been the biggest mug and I feel so ashamed and embarrassed.

Thank you for reading.

He sounds absolutely horrible. You really need to stop contact with this man for your own safety, mental health and finances. He's an abusive leech.

Do you have many RL friends you can talk to?

I'm frightened of being alone though. Don't really have any friends which I think is why I rely upon on him so much cos other than my parents he's all I have unfortunately.

Is this the user who is getting paid to look after you?

It's an obvious thing to say but surely it is better to be alone than to be called f-ing dickhead and treated the appalling way he is treating you.

No he doesn't care for me, I live at home with my parents. He says I need help but I won't be getting that from him (his words not mine). I know fully well I need to be away from him. I've known it for a long time but I'm scared that I'll never met anyone nice just people like that. I feel so disappointed in myself that I have so little respect for myself.

Dear god. Being alone is way way better than being with someone who's so fucking horrible.

And while you're wasting your time with this bastard there are plenty of other wonderful, kind, funny, lovely people who could be a good friend or a loving partner who you're not getting a chance to talk to and get to know.

Imagine if someone told you this was happening to them. What would you say to them about what it's doing to their life and their self esteem?

You sound lovely but you're being a complete mug. You're worth so much more than this! Pease like yourself enough to call time on this.

Sorry x post. You know you're worth more. And it's true that while you're expending time and energy on this person you're not meeting someone better.

You will meet someone. You feel like this as he's broken you down.

Don't stay with him. You deserve happiness and this div isn't giving it you.

You really need to leave, have the strength to do that. You will feel a lot better in time. Be brave.

Xxx xx

I'm very sorry but he's using you for money

If I knew my sister was with someone like this, I'd be getting her out of that situation so quickly you would not believe. He tells me it's normal the way he speaks to me and that I shouldn't wind him up. Clearly it's not normal and I know I should have gone as soon as it started. I'm not the horrible person he thinks I am. Yes I may have my issues but I've loved and helped him through so much and that's how he thanks me. He had bailiffs threaten him so I paid his debt and he moaned because I gave him the wrong amount.

He really has broken me. I wish I could explain how bad I feel. For months I've been acting like everything is ok when really I'm hurting badly. I know he's using me, my dog probably thinks more of me than he does.

Oh love, you are worth so much more than this. He's exploiting you financially and he's abusive to you. You deserve so much better. Try to stop contact with him completely. Rebuild and focus on yourself. Be kind to yourself. Things really will get better

Leave. You WILL meet someone else who is much much better than the man you describe; there is someone for everyone. He sounds awful, and you will only be dragged down more and more if you stay.
Hugs :)

It's not normal and he thinks he can manipulate you into believing it is so he can get away with it.

Please leave. You know hes no good for you, know he's treating you bad but you're choosing to stay. Get some strength.

What do your parents say about you bankrolling this abuser ?

I don't want to be with him. I want him to get a job , stop smoking weed and speak to me with respect. I know these things will never happen though so for my own good I need to go before this causes me to do something I regret. It's the future that frightens me which means I go back to thinking about how nobody will ever see past my wheelchair. I don't really meet anyone either because even though I work it's only part time so it's hard for me to get to know them.

As for my parents my mum is so upset that I've allowed myself to be treated like this and that I've just given my hard earned money away to someone who thinks I'm the dirt on his shoe. They don't know the full extent of how much I've given him and nor will they ever know.

My mum has also said I need some professional help to try and help me deal with my insecurity with the whole wheelchair thing and dating people thing.

Your worth is the same as anyone else's. You deserve not to be mistreated, abused and stolen from.

Nobody, however, deserves a relationship. Maybe you will cultivate a better one, maybe you won't but that is absolutely no reason to stay in this one.

I don't even know if I want another relationship after this mess. I just want to be happy.

You really need to distance yourself from him. It's the only way to start healing and finding "you" again. Perhaps some CBT may help. But please, your priority is to get away from and have absolutely no contact. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for and you will realise this when you start to heal (I've been in 2 abusive relationships and both times I felt broken until I got away)

You don't want to be with him, tell him to fuck off. You'll never be happy still latched on to him.

Free yourself, you'll feel much better soon after. You're still in the fog.

You will never be happy with him in your life

With him out of it you at least have a chance of happiness. Probably a lot sooner than you think.

Thank you everyone for your advice. Today I just want to hide from the whole world, however I have deleted his number from my phone. He won't contact me anyway but if he does he shall be told what to do. Thanks again everyone

Stay strong and do not talk to give again!

Oh bless you!
You need to be happy with yourself first and foremost.
So work on that.
I can't imagine what life in a wheelchair is like.
Can you have a look on line for some local groups your could join?
meetup.com often have a lot to offer in most areas.
Please get to your GP and get some counselling for yourself.
Or go privately, now you haven't got that leech draining your resources.
Well done on deleting him.
Make sure it's on everything.
And block block block.
Get out there and find yourself.
No woman NEEDS a man.

Sorry for the typo