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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I've messed everything up

37 replies

ColdTeddy · 25/07/2017 17:41

I'm married with 2 dcs. For the 10 years we've been together I've never even looked twice at another man. But I've now fallen in love with someone else. There was no big affair that led to this it all just happened really, really fast. A month ago I'd barely said two words to this bloke and now I'm seriously considering whether I should be ending my marriage if I can feel like this about someone else. I'm so confused.

On top of all this, over the past week some memories have been coming back to me from years ago when I think my Dh might have raped me. He was very different back then and I can't imagine him doing anything like that now, but I can't stop thinking about it.

I've got all this stuff going on in my head and I can't tell anyone. I'm trying to organise some counselling but I work full time and I'm on my own with the children in the evenings and weekends so I don't know how I could manage to do that.

I have made a lot of very stupid choices which have led me to this point and now I don't know what to do next.

OP posts:
PAF567 · 25/07/2017 18:00

I've name changed for this.

You have my sympathies, it's a really hard place to be. I know, because I have been there and fallen very much in love with another man.

Unlike you, I was always having crush after crush on other men throughout my marriage. What I couldn't admit out loud was just how unhappy I was. It is only with distance that I can see very clearly why and it was because ex and I were firstly very incompatible and secondly because he was very controlling and would put me down all the time.

Only you know in your heart of hearts if your marriage is worth saving. I don't know if you are in a full blown affair, or if the other man is in love with you too. Whatever, there is something wrong or missing with your current relationship.

Your decision after that soul searching is whether to work on your marriage or leave. What you don't do is have an affair for months and months - this isn't a trashy novel.

If you decide to leave, your children will be hurt and there will be times that it will rip your heart out. That is only fair, because it is what you have done to them. You will need to put everything into putting them first and helping them to navigate your decision.

Counselling is a good idea, you may be able to access telephone counselling through work. Even if you can only get to one session by saying you have a drs appointment, go. It will help you to clarify things in your head.

If you think you were raped by your current DH then please do access support. Other posters will help you with this.

You are going to need all your emotional strength to get through this. But you will, either way. Keep focusing on your DC.

You will get some negative replies here. Be strong.

For me, this happened more than 3 years ago. I left for the OM. We are still together and I love him with all my heart. I now see my ex for who he really is. For me, I made the right choice.

You need to work out the right choice for you. Good luck x

QuiteLikely5 · 25/07/2017 18:02

How did it start with the OM?

Is he married?

Does he know you want to leave your marriage for him?

ColdTeddy · 25/07/2017 18:14

Thanks PAF. I'm glad things worked out for you.

He is married. And his wife is pregnant so I doubt he would leave her any time soon. I'm so ashamed of myself. If there were no children involved we would be together. And yes I'm aware that if he can treat his pregnant wife like this then there's nothing to stop him treating me like that too if we were together. I can't and won't keep up some sordid affair for months.

OP posts:
Adora10 · 25/07/2017 18:21

Oh that old chestnut, if no kids, we'd be together forever, in love.....nah, doubt it OP.

What the hell are you doing, is this just emotional or are you both sleeping together?

QuiteLikely5 · 25/07/2017 18:22

Why not stop this now? He is married and expecting a child, he has not said he is going to leave and it would be unusual by anyone's standards to think about it after only four weeks.

The best course of action would be to stop contact immediately, decide what you want to do about your own marriage and go from there.

Continue with the secrecy and your cover will be blown causing untold pain to all involved. Don't be responsible for that.

ColdTeddy · 25/07/2017 18:32

no I think if I ended it he might leave his wife.

it is me who said about if it wasn't for the dcs. I don't want to break up my dcs family. I don't want om's wife alone and pregnant or with a tiny baby. Which I know doesn't make any sense when what we've been doing already is so much worse.

We don't have sex. we just meet for lunch and chat and kiss if we're alone. Massive cliché - but we work together.

OP posts:
offside · 25/07/2017 18:34

Agree with other PP.

Also, do you think you are rehashing what happened years ago is a way of you looking for a reason to leave and why you feel this way. Almost like looking for the worst in your DH to give you an excuse to carry on your affair? I'm not suggesting he didn't rape you, just that it's a coincidence that this has now surfaced.

Adora10 · 25/07/2017 18:37

Eugh, I'm away, how nauseating.

Never ceases to amaze me that folk come on here and want sympathy when they are behaving like utter cunts.

Adora10 · 25/07/2017 18:38

no I think if I ended it he might leave his wife.

He sounds lovely OP, now I really am gone.

Rainybo · 25/07/2017 18:43

I would end it. I suspect the outcome won't be what you are hoping for.

ColdTeddy · 25/07/2017 18:44

don't post then adora.

I really wouldn't post on mn telling the truth about all the shitty details about what I've been doing if I wanted sympathy. I have read posts on the relationships board before like mine. I knew the responses I would get.

OP posts:
MadMags · 25/07/2017 18:46

I'm confused. How are you alone with the children at weekends and evenings?

SpartacusSaiman · 25/07/2017 18:50

So you have to continue it so he doesnt leave his wife?

Thats bullshit and you know it. You need to stop this now. His wife is pregnant.

Personally, i think having one affair doesnt make you a bad person. One mistake doesnt determine who you are completely. But what you are doing is shitty andbif yiu continue this then you are becoming a shitty person.

Finish it with the OM. Decide what you want to do about your marriage regardless of the OM.

This man is cheatinf on his pregnant wife. What sort of person does this? Chances are that you are not his first affair. His focus should be on the woman carrying his baby and the baby. Not secret meet ups with you.

I really dont get how either of you could have part in this.

QuiteLikely5 · 25/07/2017 18:52

Op

How can you be certain he would leave his wife?

Can you afford a place together? Would you like to share custody of your kids?

Would he be happy living with your kids but hardly seeing his own?

Willy our kids like living with the man who split up mum and dad?

You don't even know if you are sexually compatible?

You are on the road to self destruction serving your own greedy desire, risking the foundations of so many people's lives

crazyhorses3 · 25/07/2017 18:59

If he has a pregnant wife for Gods sake do the decent thing and steer well clear. It's totally wrong to have a relationship with a married man, especially one who has a pregnant wife. Look to you own relationship and sort that out. If you aren't happy, end it. Dont use this as an excuse for poor and immoral behaviour.

KimmySchmidt1 · 25/07/2017 19:00

don't be hasty until you've seen him nude! seriously, this sounds like romantic infatuation and not something real at all.

It sounds like you have muddled up a lot of different issues in your head, and you need help unpicking them.

SandyY2K · 25/07/2017 19:01

You have some poor boundaries to be carrying on with a man with a pregnant wife.

Also think it's strange you recall a possible rape now. If you're unhappy, leave you marriage, but don't become a third party in their marriage.

ColdTeddy · 25/07/2017 19:03

No I wasn't saying I have to continue or he will tell his wife. I meant it's not as easy as I end this and it all goes away. I will still have to work with him every day until one of us finds another job. I am listening to you all though and I know you are all right and I need to end this immediately (and I will end it I'm not just saying that's what I need to do).

OP posts:
SendintheArdwolves · 25/07/2017 19:04

Leaving aside your relationship with your husband (and it sounds like you've got shit to deal with there) this great love of yours is messing around, kissing and romancing a work colleague behind his wife's back? In the words of judge judy "he sounds like a prince, madam."

ColdTeddy · 25/07/2017 19:14

I know what you mean Send. Trust me, if I could pick from a catalogue someone to have these feelings for it would not be this guy. I promise I did at least make some effort to avoid this situation developing. I have spent months trying to avoid being alone with him, I have been applying for other jobs since March to get away from him. He is hoping to get a promotion in the next few months anyway which would mean I wouldn't have to work with him any more.

OP posts:
SpartacusSaiman · 25/07/2017 19:19

I meant it's not as easy as I end this and it all goes away. I will still have to work with him every day until one of us finds another job.

Ah well if its not easy to stop just carry on. Confused

I imagine its not easy being pregnant and your dh losing interest in you because he has a bit on the side, either.

SpartacusSaiman · 25/07/2017 19:21

I have spent months trying to avoid being alone with him,

You said you hadnt said two words to him until a month ago

ColdTeddy · 25/07/2017 19:21

And I don't even know where to start with what's going on in my marriage. I don't know if it was rape or just a misunderstanding. I don't know if I should just try to forget about it and move or if I can do that.

OP posts:
ColdTeddy · 25/07/2017 19:25

no I barely spoke to him because I knew I was attracted to him and I wanted to avoid him so these feelings would go away. But we had to work together on a project recently so I had no I choice but to speak to him.

OP posts:
SpartacusSaiman · 25/07/2017 19:26

You need to sort how you feel about your husband and what he did.

Thats a separate issue to the OM and cant really be sorted while he is hanging round in the background.