I've messed everything up

[ColdTeddy]

I'm married with 2 dcs. For the 10 years we've been together I've never even looked twice at another man. But I've now fallen in love with someone else. There was no big affair that led to this it all just happened really, really fast. A month ago I'd barely said two words to this bloke and now I'm seriously considering whether I should be ending my marriage if I can feel like this about someone else. I'm so confused.

On top of all this, over the past week some memories have been coming back to me from years ago when I think my Dh might have raped me. He was very different back then and I can't imagine him doing anything like that now, but I can't stop thinking about it.

I've got all this stuff going on in my head and I can't tell anyone. I'm trying to organise some counselling but I work full time and I'm on my own with the children in the evenings and weekends so I don't know how I could manage to do that.

I have made a lot of very stupid choices which have led me to this point and now I don't know what to do next.

you're right Spartacus.

And I promise I'm not saying this to gain sympathy or make excuses to stay with OM, but honestly, I'm so fucking lonely. I've no idea how I'm going to begin to wade though all this stuff on my head on my own. With OM I felt like I had someone on my side.Though I know he was never really mine.

You know you have to end it. You'll probably have to change your job if you can't trust yourself around him.

What else is there for anyone to say? You don't want to leave your dh and no-one is going to advise you to continue cheating on him & the om's pregnant wife.

I get it. Been through a really awful few years with dh. I was so lonely.

With counselling (alot) we are coming out the otherside. Not saying you should stay or that you can (or should want to) fox your marriage.

The OM isnt on your side. Is he isnt yours. He is using you. While his wife grows his child.

You are still lonley.

Tell your husband.

Give him the ability to make the choice to throw you out or to embrace you.

I'm not going to tell my husband. I haven't decided whether I even want to be with him myself. I don't see any reason in putting him through all of that when I am ending things with the OM and may even be ending my marriage. This whole thing had happened within less that 4 weeks. I'm not even sure if my husband is a decent person who I want to 'embrace' me any more. I don't trust my own judgement.

If I don't post on here then I literally have no one else to speak to until I can organise seeing a counsellor. There is one at work but I work with her too closely for me to be able to talk to her openly. I spoke to her today and she is going to write me a list of counsellors who are experienced in relationship stuff, so I can hopefully find someone who could offer telephone appointments.

And thank you for sharing that Spartacus. I'm glad things are improving for you and your Dh.

I'm not saying your husband didn't rape you but a lot of people do this drag thugs up as an excuse to end their marriage, but you have to accept what ever happened you chose to stay with him.

How would you have felt if your husband had cheated on you whilst you were pregnant.

You know you need to end the affair.

You then need to decide if you can be happy with your husband and if so get some marriage counselling.

If not move on and find someone without a wife frankly I never understand anyone who can stay with a cheater and then trust them, id always wonder when I was going to be cheated on as let's be honest there's always someone else round the corner If there willing !

Please stop all contact with this man . His poor pregnant wife does not deserve this and really deserves to know the truth about her cunt of a dh . Sorry op your no better either . You are both shady as fck

I've ended it. I texted him saying itshe over and I'm ignoring his messages.

I would never use rape as an excuse for anything .

OP
My partner has just managed to get himself into a situation like you. Met some woman once. Began texting. Now has left the family home after an intense two weeks texting her. Because now he doesn't know why he did it and if he loves me any more.

Feels horrible to be on the receiving end of this. I'd maybe find some infidelity forum to post on because quite frankly people like you make me sick.

Make sure you stick to it. You avoided him at work, do it again.