I want another baby, DH doesn't

[Dizzywhore]

He won't even talk about it. It's just a clear no! Where do we go from here? He has always had to final say in everything, that makes him sound awful, he isn't. His a very kind man but needs things to be the right, he worries about money a lot. We are ok financially, not well off but manage.
Our 2 DC are 3 and 6. I'm in my mid 30s his mid 40s. He says his to old!

There's nowhere you can go. There isn't a compromise on this, the person saying no must prevail.

Your options are accept it or leave the relationship. Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh but there isn't really a third way, unless you're planning to keep pushing the issue?

Within your relationship the person who says no trumps the person who wants another child.

Put simply your choices are to learn to live with it (and get whatever help you need to do so) or leave the relationship to try and have another child with someone else.

You can not bring a child into a family where one parent doesnt want it. That would be so cruel on the child.

Have you sat down with him and spoken about why you want another and why he doesnt? Communication is key here.

I agree with the above BUT I'd be disheartened that he wouldn't even listen to how I was feeling or discuss it. Perhaps explain to him how important it is to you and that at the least you'd like a proper conversation about it, so he knows how you feel, even if it ends in a no.

Did you discuss the number of kids Pre marriage? Because I know a couple in your exact situation now, except the husband is in his late 50s and she's mid 30s.

I personally don't think she should pursue it.

Your Husband should not be forced into this, or made to feel bad about not wanting another child.

Maverick I think that depends hugely on the people involved and we don't know much. I've known people who were adamant they didn't want any more kids. Said no. Other partner demanded they discuss it. So they did. Still said no. Other partner then says "Well why did you even agree to discuss it if you weren't open to changing your mind?"

I agree the one partner should be able to express their feelings, but it must be that, and there must be a total understanding that it is an exchange of feelings on both sides and that it is not an attempt to change someone's mind.

My DH was like this. A straight no. He said the same thing, that we were too old and that he was happy as we were. We did have a proper conversation about it, but it was just circular, as I really didn't have a logical reason to have another one, just that I wanted one. We didn't have one. Logically, that was the right decision for us looking back. My kids were the same age as yours when this happened, so don't knoiw if its hormonal.

No compromise here.
Be happy with your lot

Having a third child is expensive

I have 3 the youngest 2 are twins - you could also catch for twins -

i didn't earn enough to cover childcare for 3 - could've managed 2 - it have a huge impact on our finances and my career

I wouldn't swap them - but I don't have the choice

When I read your title I thought you were going to say you have 1 child already. But you have 2. 2 is a good amount of children so I don't think he's being unreasonable I'm afraid.

What did you agree to before you got married? I said to my dh that I wanted 1 and he wanted 2. I said I'd think about 2 and started to come round to it.

After we had dc1 we both changed our minds (I wanted 2, he 1). However on the basis of those premarital discussions I was able to remind him of how many children I thought we'd agreed to during our marriage and how he couldn't change the goal posts. After a lot of discussion we both agreed for another and we're so pleased with our 2 babies. It's hard work mind you as you probably well know!

It was important to discuss this matter before marrying and I known of a lot of couples who didn't and it's been a big sticking point.

Sorry for the lack of paragraphs...the mobile app won't allow me to do this.

It's hard for you, but the person who doesn't want more gets the final say imo. Be happy with your two, which is a perfect number in many ways.

We had the same as you. About the same ages.
Dh was absolutely adamant so many people in real life guided me to engineer an "accident "
I couldn't do that but we did accidentally fall pregnant. Dh was livid. Full of rage not with me but with the situation. It made me realise we had a problem. Marriage over if we had a third baby and marriage over if we didn't. Hideous.
Anyway at 6 weeks nature made the decision for us and I had a v v v early miscarriage. The relief for both of us was massive.
Dh had a vasectomy 8 weeks later. Best thing we ever did.
We love each other and our kids. 3 could have been ok but 2 is v v lucky and enjoyable.

The person who doesn't want the child trumps the person who does every time.

Given his age, your description of your financial means, and the fact that you already have two, my instinct would be that sticking with what you've got mighn't be the worst idea ever.

He doesn't want another - he has every right to say no and not have to negotiate it with you.

And you already have 2 children.

Neither of you are right or wrong.
You just both want different things.
No way would I want another child in my mid 40's.
When the child is 15 he'll be 60! probably older as it'll take time for you to get pregnant etc....
at 60 you should be ready to take it easy and chill out, not have to deal with a nightmare teenager.
I'm with him on that.
But that's me!
You want another one.
There is no compromise here.
You leave and have another with someone else or you realise that 2 is OK and make the best of it?
But that's entirely your choice.

Shatner, yes that's what I meant, an exchange of feelings. I would be very sad if I was with someone who wouldn't at least want to know how I felt. I didn't mean that she should try to persuade him, but I suppose some people would....

Sorry I agree with him based on what you've said. If you went into marriage saying three kids then maybe there would be room for discussion but who is to say after number 3 you wouldn't then want number 4?

Why do you want a third?

I think no more trumps more but he should have the snip.

Why do you want another? Mid 40's is old to be starting kids again for me. Being 60 when they are 15. Wouldn't be for me.

Jesus, imagine being relieved you had a miscarriage.

I have 3 op, they are 9,10 and 11. Everything changes with a 3rd one. I would of loved another but looking back I'm glad I didn't.

On a scale of 1 to 10 how much do you want a baby (10 meaning you couldn't go on with the relationship without having another one)?
Then ask him on a scale of 1 to 10 how much do you NOT want another baby?

Then compare.

Person who doesn't want another child definitely gets the final say, b it they also have to take sole responsibility for contraception.