I want another baby, DH doesn't

[Dizzywhore]

He won't even talk about it. It's just a clear no! Where do we go from here? He has always had to final say in everything, that makes him sound awful, he isn't. His a very kind man but needs things to be the right, he worries about money a lot. We are ok financially, not well off but manage.
Our 2 DC are 3 and 6. I'm in my mid 30s his mid 40s. He says his to old!

We didn't actually set in stone how many children we wanted. I always said 3 though, I'm one of 3 and we are very close.
I really feel like something is missing but totally see where he is coming from. It's hard but looks like I'll have to get over it. I know I'm very lucky already having children but I do think this feeling will never go away.

I think you need to turn this around OP. Rather than feeling disappointed that you don't have a third, how about feeling grateful that you have two, healthy DC? You may not feel it, but you are truly blessed to have the family you do. Try to see your glass as half full, rather than half empty.

I've been in this situation too OP though my DH was adamant he didn't want a second child. I remember that feeling of wanting something so desperately and feeling so sad that I might not get it because someone else says no.

After about 12 months of me repeatedly bringing it up with DH he agreed to TTC. One of the reasons he was against having another was because of his age even though he was only 33. He agreed that we could TTC but that if I wasn't pregnant by the time he turned 35 then we'd stop as that was his absolute cut off point in terms of how old he wanted to be to 'start all over again'.

Sadly OP, when there is a substantial age gap between partners the issue of having children will usually arise at some point.

Like I said, I totally get how upset you must be feeling but at 45 years old, I can understand why he's saying no. Imagine if it took you a good while to fall pregnant and so he woukd end up being almost 50 years old with a newborn? Sounds hard work.

I am very very grateful for my 2 DC as i said. I can't help feeling like this but as I said I will try and get over it.

We were the opposite, Dh at 45 wanted to have more and me nearly 40 and with surgical reasons not to, didn't. I'm happy with 2. I think it is very important to be grateful for what you do have. But understand your feelings, as well.

You sound quite dismissive of him feeling he's too old - that's not very fair.

I want to retire at 60. I don't want to turn 60 with 3 years to go before I even start paying university accommodation! It's not just about energy or whether mid 40s is fine for a baby. It's about deciding what phase of life you're in. I don't want to be in a phase of parenting teens when I'm 60.

Dismissive of his feelings? Am I? I don't think so. I'v never once said I'm dismissive about how he feels quite the opposite. We talk again tonight. I'v been away for a few days, and decide together that 2 is lovely, we are lucky and I need to move on. I'm sad that that is it, no more children but somethings aren't meant to be!

"He says he's to old!" came across to me like you disagree - and that seemed dismissive to me, because it's not for you to decide, to agree or disagree.

Plus age is just a number, lots of our friends didn't have their first children until 40+ and they manage just fine!

And I didn't say you were dismissive of his feelings - I specifically said you sound dismissive of him feeling he's too old.

See, you've just done it twice again!
Age is just a number.
Your friends manage just fine.

Utterly irrelevant.
He thinks he's too old. For me personally, I agree.
How many of your friends are 60 with a 15 year old?
And even when they get to that age if they're still managing just fine, that doesn't mean you husband is wrong.

You have to accept his opinion about whether he feels too old or not.

It's not about your friends and what they think.

Your husband thinks he's too old to raise another baby/child/teenager. That's the only thing that matters here. It doesn't matter that Joe Bloggs down the street had a child at 45 and is cracking on with it just fine.

I have! We are having another baby!!!

Aren't

DH was 40 when I had DD. He didn't want kids (he already had my DSDs who are now 25 and 18).

At first he wouldn't discuss it but eventually we sat down and talked about our feelings and we agreed we would try for DD. Took us 18 months to conceive and he wanted to give up after 12 months but we persevered.

Now he wants another but ruling that out now as DSD2 is pregnant and we feel it's time for the next generation to have the children.

It does make me a little sad that I won't have another but I know I'm incredibly blessed

You have two options OP

1. Agree with him- but think long term about the resentment you may have for him and how it may impact your relationship
2. Leave him and either have another child on your own or hope you meet someone before time runs out for you.

Only you can make that decision

You're clearly not grateful enough for your two children if you're pushing for more against your DPs wishes.

I don't think you have accepted his opinion that he's too old.
You've accepted that his decision over rules yours.
But you have been dismissive several times of his reasoning over his age. That's not fair on him.
Still, decision's made anyway.

I know it's hard, Dizzy but as many have already said, the person who doesn't want another child will always 'win'. That said, they need to acknowledge your feelings about this too.

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MyheartbelongstoG Fri 28-Jul-17 11:47:28
Jesus, imagine being relieved you had a miscarriage.

What an absolutely vile and judgemental post.

It's frustrating because when u get that broody feeling it's hard to let go of it but from my experience, don't push it. I wanted a a second baby, my husband was hesitant. Not quite the same as your situation as he didn't give me a straight forward no. Ended up having our son nearly 3 years ago who I would say he resents. He treated me like shit the entire pregnancy, cheated and now we r divorcing! Your husband doesn't sound like a bastard like my ex but one thing I wish I had done was listened abit more. Atleast he is adamant on his decision.

Enjoy what you have.
On my divorce petition my first reason for wanting a divorce was that I felt steamrollered into having a third DC.
It was the main reason my marriage ended and it could have been so different if my DH had just accepted and appreciated what we had when we had 2 DCs.

I feel for you op. I was in your shoes but had 4 and wanted a 5th. Dh said no for two years but finally relented. Before we were married we had agreed that 4 or 5 was what we wanted so I did feel cheated until then. Neither of us for a minute have regretted it.