Confused- is this a normal man confession?

[Bluebellsagain]

If a man told you they didn't "respect" all the women they had had sex with, and backed it up by making some disparaging comments about past conquests/said they were "a twat when they were younger" (by a few years but not more than 10)-- is this a red flag? Why would some women be the exception to this attitude? Sorry if it's a stupid question but I seriously doubt my perspective these days after years of EA from family then men. I feel uncomfortable about it, but some women I have spoken to say I'm making something out of nothing. Otherwise he seems lovely. That's why it's confusing.

So I'm guessing he basically admitted that he's had sex with woman, despite not liking them or even finding them attractive.

Sorry, but that's up there with my biggest turn offs.

He's telling you who he is OP. If you don't like it (which it sounds like you don't, and who could blame you) then get rid now!

Yes Harmless but I mean demeaning them to only bring good for sex. This often comes along with dehumanising language, talking to friends about it, presuming they'll do the same or more next time.

I agree a ONS is only about sex but as a woman I'd think 'that sex was great!' But wouldn't think of how I bet every woman has had a bit of him and how he fucks about.

He was "training" you not to challenge him by ignoring you

This. Please bin him off. Your last post shows that red flags are flying everywhere. You are not over reacting in the slightest. Run a mile from him very quickly.

So basically he's saying they were only good for sex?

Well yeah. Isn't that what one night stands are? I've never had one myself but if I did, the whole point of it would be sex.

It all depends on the tone and context.

TBH I don't thing (looking back) I rate all my dates, flings, boyfriends etc because I was younger and didn't have such a good sense of separating the rubbish from the diamonds back then.

So I coukd/would be disparaging about certain guys. However if I was disparaging about guys in general then that would be an issue.

However this is a conversation he would be best having with his mates, not his Gf.

It also depends on what he says when he's disparaging. Is it critical of something superfluous or personal (weight, dress sense, academic success, wealth etc) or is it personality traits it would be fair enough not to find attractive (jealousy, possessiveness, selfishness). If it's the first set then that would be a red flag, the second set wouldn't be.

X posts!

OP, pease stop seeing him. He will only get worse. Do not let him any further into your life.

"I just came away from it feeling like a judgmental high maintenance cow and I've been apologising and feeling shit."
No. Just - no. He is not worth your time. He snapped you straight back into emotional abuse. Ditch him, ditch him now. Your gut instinct had already made you uncomfortable, his behaviour has confirmed that your gut instinct was right.

Might I suggest that if you can be made apologetic by being treated abominably - you are not yet ready to date. You need to get your head together and be secure in yourself, before opening yourself up to another person.

I have seen the Freedom Programme recommended many times on Mumsnet, for women who have been in abusive relationships. I think it might be worth considering starting there. ((hug))

He was rude to you so you apologised to him? How does that work?

We were both drunk and it kind of escalated when I said I wouldn't accept him ignoring me on his phone like that, and additionally when I quizzed his comment about women, and his immediate response was "I don't know what you're talking about" repeatedly and "I think this is all in your head". Which made me more upset and stressed because my ex was a total gaslighter like that. And so it turned into me being the irrational person who was forcing him to explain his past and was being incredibly unreasonable about him being (antisocial) on his phone. Because I got upset and angry and he wouldn't acknowledge anything, I just ended up apologising for my reaction to put an end to it. The next day I felt crap as it was our first sort of fight but when I said I'd been thinking about it he hasn't said he's sorry for anything or could see my point of view, he just said I shouldn't beat myself up for being drunk and starting it. It feels weirdly at a disconnect like he seems so emotionally open in some ways (said I love you fast, etc) but in others just ignores negative emotions or seems to be shutting me down either with the phone at the time, or in the aftermath by invalidating what actually happened. I keep thinking about it. I don't want to set myself up for a huge fall in yet another relationship. He seems so lovely and normal.
Sorry if none of that made sense! All your replies have given me so much to think about but it's quite depressing :(

"It feels weirdly at a disconnect like he seems so emotionally open in some ways (said I love you fast, etc) but in others just ignores negative emotions or seems to be shutting me down either with the phone at the time, or in the aftermath by invalidating what actually happened."
said I love you fast jumped right out at me. Honestly, that is not a sign of emotional openness to me. I see it as a sign that he wants to hook you and he thinks you're gullible and desperate, and that he thinks that if he says 'I love you' you will knuckle right under and do as your told. In short - it's quite disrespectful. Taken in tandem with the rest of his behaviour - this man is not a keeper. You will be mired right back into EA. Ditch, ditch, ditch.

That's who he was. I as a woman didn't respect every guy I slept with and some were bloody idiots. It's just not something I'd say to a current partner, but I wouldn't hold it against him.

It's a bright red flag and you'd be stupid to ignore your instincts

Don't date a misogynist

Ugh. He sounds bloody awful. How can you even like him as a person, let alone want to be intimate with him?

Doesn't sound 'lovely' or 'normal' to me, he just sounds like an arsehole.

Saying I love you fast isn't a sign that he's open, simply that he's manipulative. It's a way of reeling you in.

He's vile. There are red flags everywhere in what you say OP. His attitude to women is appalling. His rushing to declare love is another. This is not a healthy relationship at all. Get out now as fast as you can

It's not you; it's him.

He's testing your boundaries by a) telling you how he's treated past girlfriends, b) punishing you for challenging him (the silent treatment c) gaslighting you.

Well done for spotting it. If he does all these things and you take it, that's his green light to really let himself go. So dodge that bullet and move on.

Listen to that voice that tells you you're not comfortable. A previous abusive relationship is likely to have made you doubt your instincts and lower your self esteem. Highly recommend the Freedom Programme. One of the early warning signs you learn on the freedom programme is moving too fast. So in the context of his other douchery I'd put his early 'I love you' in the negative column.

And can I clarify that he's still using negative terms to describe his exes? He's not saying that's what he used to call them but he knows better now? If so, that's even worse. He still feels this way about women and he's not changed.

Yuck. Run op.

Whether or not you respect who you slept with is by the by. There is no need to be disparaging about them.

Ignoring you and making you apologise and his friend saying gold digger about you... seriously op, there isn't anything to consider. Leave him and don't look back.

What you really mean is will he see you in his way in the future if you have physical relationship with him he clearly disregards his partners run for the hills