Get me off this boat

[HappyGoLucky438]

Maybe you're in the same boat

You chat to a guy for weeks practically 24/7 then BANG he stopped responding, you look over the texts again and again trying to work out if you've said something to offend him.

Feeling hurt you pick yourself back up and start talking to somebody new BANG same again, but this point you feel it's got to be something that you are doing.

Pat yourself back down and move on.

Finally you think you've met someone different and drop your guard, exchanging text and phone calls and all
of a sudden he is sat on your sofa watching Inbtweeners on a Tuesday night... you think you've finally find a nice young man, and wasn't hinting to do anything but watching telly and talk.

You think to yourself well if he stops texting it's definitely something I've said, but no weeks after you're still exchanging text then all of a sudden BANG back to square one

Are you an over texted??

When I was single, there was nothing worse than constantly being questioned, interrupted etc by a flow of meaningless drivel.

Not saying you're doing that but, make yourself scarce, don't over invest time & only use text between dates, to arrange the next date.

I've only been replying to them when they text me and not straight away as we are all adults are are busy
I totally understand where your coming from TheNaze73

I went through this twice on OLD, that was more than enough for me, I understand OP, it's so bloody upsetting. I decided to come off it. Have you tried these Meetup group things. I've not tried yet but must be a better idea, you can figure people out better face to face, well, I'm hoping anyway

The last man I mentioned wasn't from a chat room he has recently moved into my area and we have many mutual friends and went to schools close by
Thank you for reply SlightOfHand

Texting is the work of the devil. Its become a benchmark of a good relationship weirdly and its actually a bloody chore all round if there's any kind of expectation attached to it at all even if it's only them thinking you expect it when really you are just reciprocating

Don't get me wrong texting is nice as you believe that they have been thinking about you and able to be contacted thought out the day is a good feeling, however I understand that there is a line that's easily crossed where you become painfully boring especially when at work, but I mean it's upsetting that all of a sudden all contact stops and you feel worthless and blame yourself trying to find the reason

I think that's the problem though...if contact is so regular that you immediately notice and think its a problem if it 'stops' then texting itself has caused an issue between you does that make sense'?

Less texting for me then

Ie was he texting everyday and for what reason? Was it necessary contact ie a/ arrangements or b/ flirty texts or c/ just checking in? I'd say texting is most healthy when its a/ with maybe a little b/ now and again and when you least expect it. Yes there are relationships that thrive on 30 messages a day but those people have time on their hands that most people simply dont. Being in a relationship isnt about depending on texting as a barometer or a bond.

I'm not saying you text 30 time a day btw OP. I'm just saying people are losing their shit on here if they don't get a good morning text for two days running and that is frankly a bit nutty and a sure fire way to stay single.

Bit off all of the above tbh more on a weekend tbf that's when we have more time

During a relationship sometimes i don't text everyday especially when I know I'll be seeing them during the week as there isn't need as we won't have nothing to speak about
But I'm meaning when your getting to know someone and we are both single yeah I do text more often

My advice (unsolicIted, I know) is text a new bf the same frequency you'd text a new friend, that way its easy to stop yourself being too intense/expectant/reactive about it. So when did you last see him and did you leave it that you have arrangements?

Last saw him bout 2 weeks ago he came to mind and just watched telly and had a laugh and flirty banter but that is all, since then and before heard from him everyday bar last few days
We didn't arrange anything for definitely bit said we will find something else to do soon
Where as if we did sleep together and didn't hear from him it would make sense that's all he wanted if you get me

Men over-text in the early days because it gets women wide open for sex, while requiring of them very little in the way of time, effort or money. They stop because, well, texting gets annoying really quickly, especially if it's the kind of anodyne drivel TheNaze mentioned.

Maybe next time you start seeing someone, just say you're not very into texting and would appreciate it if he could keep it to a minimum?

I know its frustrating but I wouldn't fret too much. If and when he gets in touch if you're free to see him then go out on a date with him (no sitting in watching telly) and don't hold it against him.

Also, was the tv watching your first ever date? If so, you need to do some courting,he can watch tv at home anytime. Perhaps its time to set the actual dating bar higher and ease off on the texting side.

Yea I always trying new way in the early stages ie not sleeping with them too soon (first date ) not asking where and what their doing (very young at the time) I then didn't ask in my next relationship I just need to find a happy medium of communication I'm still learning I suppose

The telly thing sounds lame I know but he invited his self over at last minute on a week night so date was the wrong word... let's say hanging out

If it makes you feel better I slept with ny DP on our first date that was two and half years ago.Nothing wrong with that. I wholeheartedly believe that texting angst kills more promising relationships than anything else.

If that was indeed your first time meeting him face to face I'd say that wasn't the best idea. Safety reasons aside...Its your first meeting , it should have been a bit more auspicious than that...I think you've given away the sanctity of your private homelife etc a bit freely there OP, that stuff has to be earned.

At risk of sounding bossy and patronising, I wouldn't agree to any last minute meet ups. It gives the impression you do nothing other than wait around for him to call. He needs to understand that your time is a valuable resource, and that if he wants to see you, he needs to book ahead.

Totally understandable where your coming from with the privacy and safety aspect but we have mutual friends I live on a busy street and didn't feel unsafe in anyway I always go with my gut feeling and I had no worries

The guy that invited himself over to watch tele I'd say was after sex surely, trying it on sort of thing, then when nothing happened he gave up. You're well rid I say, bullet dodged.