To text? Or not to text? That is the question

[bbbbbinng]

Hi all.

Been lurking a bit on the dating threads and it seems the general consensus is to let the man do 100% of the chasing.

I met a guy like 2 weeks ago on Tinder. We had a really lovely first date. Lots of chatting, and at the end as he walked me to the taxi office there was lots of passionate making out and hand holding... great!

He text me instantly as I got my cab saying he had an amazing time and he would love to see me again.

He kept texting me a lot for the rest of the week. Lots of flirting and stuff and trying to arrange a 2nd date.

He said that the weekend after he was on a training course but he would try and meet me for a drink at some point, but it would most definitely be mid week this week.

I just told him to text me if he has a free moment and we'll try and sort something out. That was on Thursday and I haven't heard from him since.

I haven't texted him but checked and he's been online on whatsapp and stuff.

Just feeling a bit deflated really. Should I just be brave and text him being all assertive asking him to meet? Or should I just wait for him?

Datings a mine field. I'm really new to all this stuff.

He told you it would be midweek so hold your horses till then!

You left the ball in his court so I'd wait it out he's probably paying it cool

I think it's ok either way, you wouldn't be chasing him as he's already suggested it so maybe do whatever feels comfortable.

If you do text I'd send something like my week is getting busy but if you still wanted to meet I'm hoping Thurs is free (for example! Just so you don't sound like you're waiting but still suggests you're up for a drink

Don't text. I firmly believe that if a man is interested he'll be in touch. If he's not, that's telling you all you need to know. And believe me, I'm a texter. But I then regret it! My friend always says to let them chase!

Yes wait!

God no, do NOT text him
Men are allowed to look keen, it implies confidence. Women just aren't.
Not right but sadly true.

Let him wonder what you're up to.... if he's worth it he will follow through. Hope he does!

Thanks guys. I just hate the whole game playing thing. I've been in long term relationships ever since I was 16 and I'm now 25 and I've never really done the whole dating thing before.

@Ginlinessisnexttogodliness That really made me laugh. So sad but it's true

@bbbbbinng oh bless you. Oh to be 25 again. You have years of fun ahead of you, in fact I had the most fun at about 35. Involving a 6ft 5 Norwegian cage fighter.
I'm glad I made you laugh. Just remember that they're all a big bunch of twatbags who eventually turn from Shit Hot to Victor Meldrew and they're lucky to have us 😉

If he doesn't get back in touch just tell yourself there goes another chump. Then onwards and upwards. If he does text, then having a fanfuckingtastic time.

Right off to change a nappy 😂

Ah just text. Say hey how's things? Still fancy meeting up? Life's too short for playing games.

I think you should text.

It's so refreshing when women take the initiative.

thenaze

It's so refreshing when women take the initiative

This is one of the things I've fought hardest to get to grips with. I'm a fully paid-up feminist, run my own life and am totally self-sufficient. Believe women can and should do anything and everything a man does.

But the hard reality is that in my experience of dating and romance, the minute you show any glint of enthusiasm, let alone agency, you can wave bye bye to the situation. In well over 25 years of being romantically active, I have yet to meet a man who responded well to my making any kind of proactive gesture.

I wish I could say go for it, life's too short etc. But the reality is if you text him it will be game over.

thebabyswithin - but why would anyone want a man who couldn't cope with women texting and being proactive? How unattractive. I'm so sick of this nonsense. Even my best friend, a staunch feminist and very intelligent professional of 36 won't make the first move!

Me, I messaged current boyfriend first. I kissed him on second date. I contact him and arrange to meet. Neither of us has time for games.

Text him, if you don't get a positive response then move on. Ideally quit online dating- at 25 you focus on your career and friends'

grobags I totally agree. It stinks and I also in theory wouldn't want a man who couldn't handle my taking the initiative.

I hate it when people use biology as a justification for poor or old-fashioned behaviour, but I have observed over countless experiences like this that men really don't like women taking sexual/romantic initiative at all. I just think most of them are either hard-wired or conditioned to find it "wrong".

OP by all means text him, but don't expect him to remain interested. Sorry.

theabysswithin is 100% right on this.

I think it's incredibly sad that in the 21st century people are still advising women to sit passively at home waiting for a man to take control.

OP, if your inclination is to contact him, do so. If he doesn't like it then he's not the person for you, move on.

You haven't heard from him since Thursday?

Text him.

I really think Tinder & OLD, has been a game changer. Generally, Men don't have to be the chasers anymore.
Especially in the early days of a relationship, I think communication needs to be lead 50/50 now as anyone half decent will be talking to an abundance of people & won't be waiting

I would maybe send one text, you're entitled to know where you stand. I can't see why he couldn't text you, even if he's busy, it only takes seconds to send a text if he really likes you. Maybe he's keeping his options open, doesn't want anything serious or is dating others off tinder, and if that's the case I wouldn't be putting all my eggs in one basket with him. I hate playing games, people should just be upfront if they like someone. But give him one text, see what he says and go from there.

Just text. if he is interested why would he mind? Just because there are a lot of game playing nit wits about, you don't have to be one.I wouldn't want a man who believed in these daft rules anyway.
However - it is easy come, easy go on OLD - so don't take a good date too seriously, he might have had, and you might have had (if you don't put your eggs all in one basket) a better date the next night.

Oh no I'm really not putting my eggs all in one basket. I'm talking to a few other guys at the moment so it's not like I'm really pining after him.

It's just when we met I did really like him, and he seemed to really like me to, but hey I guess you can never really tell with OD. I'm not looking for anything serious right now anyway, just a bit of fun, but I obviously didn't say that to him.

I'll probably just leave it tbh. I couldn't bear the thought of texting him and then him not replying. So if he doesn't text me at least it will sort of be left as a mutual ghosting haha

@grobagsforever Haha I wish it was that easy. I've got a 2 year old so it's hard going out and meeting people in a bar like I used to.

I meant focus on friends not men. No one needs to be tied down at 25.

OP what happened? Did he text you?

Haha I didn't hear from him so I did cave in the end and just texted him saying 'hello'

He replied like straight away being all like 'hey beautiful how are you? How was your weekend?'

He then started getting really flirty saying he would love to see me again, but he's just super busy right now for the next few weeks but he'll see me soon.

I'm just gona write him off tbh. I don't mind meeting someone who's busy as I'm quite a busy person as well being a single mum. But he's just on another level. Don't know why he's bothering with dating in the first place.

He sent the last message so I'm just gona leave it at that.

Onwards and upwards though. I've bagged myself a hot date tomorrow night with a Dr

Matt Hussey has the answer to the should/n't I text question - look on youtube or nab a copy of his book from the library.