Work colleague thing

[Rahrahcantdo]

Need a kick. Got a bit of a situation with a work colleague and need to stop it. It's completely pathetic and we are BOTH married.
We do seem to have a bit of a connection although he is a lot older than me so I put it down to an unlikely friendship. There have been a few work events where we seem to gravitate to one another but nothing untoward. We message a fair bit about work stuff mainly but on WhatsApp not email. Nothing too weird about that. We have all sorts of WhatsApp groups at work. When I'm traveling with work (which is fairly frequent) he always messages me throughout the day.
We had a work dinner a few weeks ago and we had all had a few drinks -walking back he said he wanted to tell me something and I asked him not to.
Later that same evening we stayed up for a drink with another colleague and he walked me home. He gave me a very long hug and kissed me. I freaked out a bit and said I had to go.
It was a bit weird at work but seems ok now. He contacted me the following day and said sorry and that he'd overstepped the mark.

So I got home and sat in the loo having a bit of a sob because I really really wanted to kiss him. I'm gutted when he's away. I miss him. But I know all of this is massively wrong and can't happen.

The night he hugged and kissed me - I wanted it to carry on but came to my senses. I'm finding it hard to put aside - it wasn't sleazy and he didn't push himself on me. Weird - almost chaste for a kiss. Very tender though.

I know I need to put an end to it all. Finding it very hard. Kick me. Shout at me. Tell me I'm a horrible pathetic little idiot but knock this out of me.

The perils of internet advice I suppose. I don't believe I am having or have had an affair. One moment of intimacy aside, if being in touch with another person is an affair then I am having affairs with half the office and need to chuck out my phone and go and live in a cave.

Do you message all day long and have tender kisses with all your colleagues ?

If so, then yes you are having an affair with all of them too

Its not the been in touch thats an affair.

Its the emotional attachment that is. Its the wanting the kiss to continue etc.

Again. Does you dh know that you dont consider having this level of attachment to someone AND having long lingering kisses is ok in your marriage?

You wouldnt be upset if he did this?

I dont think an affair makes you a bad person. But it seems unfair that you are indulging in another relationship and think its not a big deal. Ehen dh doesnt know yoi consider this not a big deal.

I dont know wether you should tell him. I really dont. But i do think its an affair. Its emotionally investing in someone else and withdrawing from your partner.

You're not just 'in touch with a colleague' are you?
Stop deceiving yourself and your poor blameless OH.
If you were a man you would have been slaughtered and people calling you a c××t etc.
Grow up and sort yourself out. And you don't need a forum to know what to do.

Up until that evening we were in touch but nothing untoward. The messages would be along the lines of asking how negotiations progressing, availability for meetings, how day going, odd bit of office gossip/news. I certainly wasn't in a frame of mind that it was anything but a colleague who is a friend. I text a lot the same sort of thing with my boss.

Yes - that evening changed the dynamic and yes I am attracted to this person. And yes he made it clear that he saw me as more than a friend - on that one occasion. And I retreated on that basis despite being sorely tempted.

It's not an affair. It's possibly a pre cursor should I be stupid enough to go down that road but I'm not going to.

If you can't tell your DH what happened/ what's happening, you are hiding it and being dishonest. You have already taken the first step towards having an affair.

Moving desks isn't going to work as you have already tasted the danger and excitement of kissing another man. It's intoxicating. I think you'll be back here in a few months asking how to stop your affair with this man which will have progressed further than it has now.

Imo, you trying to minimise and explain it away as innocent just makes you look even more guilty in my eyes; nobody texts as much as that about work; I bet your late night drinks were just the two of you as well and I bet your work knows the two of you are up to no good.

The fact you are now backtracking and saying there is nothing going on just makes you look bad OP.

So yeah, I'm with Anyfucker.

I don't think I'm minimising. I am clear that I find this person attractive and that there has been a dangerous tipping point. We are shareholders in the business we work in and believe me people do text that much about work. We are a tight team working towards a goal that we are all literally bought into. I send and receive hundreds of messages every week from colleagues. And as I said up thread it was a works dinner with colleagues and a late drink with another of those colleagues not just the 2 of us. As much as you want to cast me as some scarlet woman with premeditated intent. It's simply not true.

Yes I shouldn't act on the attraction I feel and yes I should close down contact now that the mumsnet collective had decided I am an evil witch already caught up in a squalid torrid affair.

The discussion seems to have lost some perspective.

Mea culpa. I feel drawn to and have an attraction to another man. I have consciously or subconsciously encouraged him and now I need to put the wall up and say no more.

Good kicking though which is in fairness what I had asked for.

You are on this planet once. The people that get all high and mighty on here do it so they know their lifes are shit so slag off strangers on the i internet.
Leave your husband whats the point in being with him if you want to kiss another man. We die one day and everyone still lifes .life for now x

Gre8, if you are going to slag off other posters at least do a spell check first, Jesus....lol