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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Shall I just walk away or is it just a blip????

34 replies

Queenmummy2 · 17/07/2017 14:00

Hi, pls I need advice iv been with my oh for 10 years we have a little girl of 2 he's been inside for all her life but iv made sure he's had a relationship with her from the beginning. Anyway recently he's coming out on home leave that's been great for us all but all of a sudden he rings me & just insults me down the phone critising my figure & how iv apparently let myself go😤 I wouldn't mind but I'm a size 6 yes I do need to tone up a bit but being a single mum with no help with my child I don't really have the time at the mo for myself. Wtf is that all about!! I feel so angry towards him at the mo he's normally an amazing oh. What should I do.. xx

OP posts:

AudTheDeepMinded · 17/07/2017 14:25

Is he trying to 'lay down the law' and show who is going to be boss when he comes out? Not acceptable but a possible explanation. Can you talk to him about it? Does he stay with you?

GlitterSparkles17 · 17/07/2017 14:33

Looks like it's a sign of what's to come when he gets out.

Tell him how shit he looks and see how he likes that

Onedaysoooon · 17/07/2017 14:33

He doesn't sound amazing sorry.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 17/07/2017 14:35

Sounds far from amazing.

Did you live together before he went inside?

If think twice about moving him in otherwise.

DearMrDilkington · 17/07/2017 14:36

What's he in prison for?

I think I can hazard a guess but I'm hoping I'm wrong..

caffelatte100 · 17/07/2017 14:40

Does not sound like a great catch....or a great partner upsetting you like that. I would not be happy... not nice.

Neutrogena · 17/07/2017 14:40

Perhaps he is stressed about coming out.
Even so, he sounds horrid.
Awful role model for your daughter having a criminal for a father. Leave him.

hellsbellsmelons · 17/07/2017 14:41

Good grief.
Don't take that shite from him.
Tell him to fuck off.
If he wants to be nice to you then you'll listen, otherwise you ending this.
I also agree with others.
He's setting the scene for when he comes out.
Already making you feel shit about yourself so you think you don't deserve any better.
YOU DO!!!!!!!

Original poster

Queenmummy2 · 17/07/2017 15:08

I don't think it matters what he's inside for, I knew most people would judge that.
I know he's been having a bad time recently so I think he's just being a knob and trying to bring me down he knows I won't take any shit from him.
iv become very independent and have coped very well being a single mum so part of me thinks he's scared I wear the trouser now.
Ummm ok maybe he's not been amazing but what relationship is. I don't know many..

OP posts:

Adora10 · 17/07/2017 15:14

OP, you are settling for crap, my partner of 16 years would never dream of saying such a horrible thing; pure nasty and then there's his prison record, just no, go find yourself a man worth having.

hellsbellsmelons · 17/07/2017 15:17

I don't think it matters what he's inside for
I know what you are saying here.
But it could be he's a murderer or he could be inside for not paying all his taxes.
There is a huge difference.

TheFaerieQueene · 17/07/2017 15:26

My relationship is pretty amazing.

Don't sell yourself and more importantly your DC short. You don't need to take this crap.

Original poster

Queenmummy2 · 17/07/2017 15:45

Hellbellsmelons well think about it if he got me pregnant before he went in & my little one is only 2 I'm sure that shows he didn't kill or do anything that bad!!

I understand what your all saying but it's very hard iv been waiting all this time for us to be a family and it's literally only the last couple of days he's been acting weird and taking it out on me. I'm going to talk to him later but obviously not being able to contact him & not getting long to talk is very hard.
Obviously if he doesn't apologise for speaking to me like he won't have anyone to come home to!!
You have to understand it's been torture watching happy families out & about this wasn't what I dreamt of when having my child!

OP posts:

howthelightgetsin · 17/07/2017 15:47

No relationship is always amazing I agree, but what he was saying is simply unacceptable and is not the kind of thing that a respectful partner says to someone they love. Whatever stress they are under.
I hate that you're justifying it too - you need to "tone up" etc.
Please think very carefully, not for yourself but for your DD. Do you want her to grow up thinking that men can just say that to women? That women have to make sure they stay skinny and perfect at all times in case of offends the man?
I'm not saying that needs to be it for your relationship if you don't want it to be but please think carefully and please speak to him and let him no that no possible excuse justifies the way he spoke to you and if he ever speaks to you in that way again he'll be out on his ear. You have a daughter to think about. What kind of man do you want her to find one day?

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/07/2017 15:52

Transitions are incredibly hard. And the transition between prison and outside is doubly so. For you too. So I would expect mood swings, anxiety, feelings of elation and sadness and even anger. And that would make me give a certain amount of leeway about moodiness or short-temper.

It wouldn't excuse really nasty, personal, mean attacks on my self. It wouldn't matter how stressed, upset or angry DH was. He wouldn't say something like that.

BaronessBomburst · 17/07/2017 15:57

You don't have to take him back as your partner you know. He can still be a father to your daughter and you can still have your own life.
And if he can't or won't accept that, then you know you have your answer.

CremeFresh · 17/07/2017 15:58

If he loves you he should be looking forward to just being with you , not focusing on what you look like , and anyway there's not much to criticise if you're a size 6 !!

I'd be very wary if this is how he's starting off , he sounds horrible.

Neutrogena · 17/07/2017 16:08

Has he been violent in the past?
Do you think he will go back to prison again?

maras2 · 17/07/2017 16:19

Maybe he's been sampling prison drugs or else he's just being a prick.
Whichever,refuse to speak to him again until you have an apology in writing (pen and paper,envelope and stamp).
Knock this crap on the head and lay down some rules for when he gets out.
If he refuses then get rid and save yourself a life misery.

KinkyAfro · 17/07/2017 17:14

He sounds soooooooo amazing! Here's an idea, ditch him and find someone who hasn't been in prison and isn't a complete bell end

AnyFucker · 17/07/2017 17:17

This is the best you can do for you and your daughter ?

Think again

Saiman · 17/07/2017 17:19

I don't think it matters what he's inside for, I knew most people would judge that.

My brother has been inside. I don't judge people who have been to prison. However its quite relavant. He is verbally abusing you and already putting you down. So that when he comes out you are already brow beaten and carry on accepting it.

If he has been inside for a violent crime or abusing someone. Its relevant. In fact i have seen several posters not see their partners prison sentance as relevant when it is.

He has been in iver 2 years. So probably got sentabces to 4-5 years. Either its not a first offence or it was fairly serious.

Original poster

Queenmummy2 · 17/07/2017 17:27

No he has never been violent and never would be. Defiantly wouldn't go back inside he's very fortunate has been given a great job when he leaves he will b making up for his mistakes..
We have just spoken and he has apologised for making me feel that way apparently didn't mean it that way was just agreeing with me knowing I need to sort myself out which I know I have to I used to be a real gym bunny but that has obviously stopped since having my daughter. I think it's my insecurities.
he hated that I felt this way & knows iv survived 3 years on my own & could easily survive longer!

OP posts:

Adora10 · 17/07/2017 17:57

You're a size six for god sake, sort what out, he's got some cheek slagging you off when he's not even been around for his child the past two years.

Adora10 · 17/07/2017 17:57

Oh sorry 3 years on your own whilst he's banged up, OP, you really need to see your self worth here; he's not a nice person.

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